We love to hear stories of people responding to hatred with love. But when it comes to our own journey, we default to anger, resentment, and frustration.

Forgiveness Doesn’t Excuse Their Behavior. Forgiveness Prevents Their Behavior From Destroying Your Heart.

But research after research proves that forgiving the unforgivable will not only make us happier, but healthier. The video below made me think of my own journey. The pain I have locked inside. I think it's time to let it go. To forgive them even if they're not sorry.

What keeps you from forgiving others? How does forgiveness make you feel? Let me know in the comments below.

45 thoughts on “10 Ways to Love The Unloveable

  1. Angel Andrew says:

    When my husband ran off with another woman my heart did not break, it shattered. Forgiveness was a moment by moment process and sometimes just performed out of the act of obedience to God; mere words. Eventually it became easier as I learned to release him and her to God. However long the process and through the numbness of the pain (the Mariana Trench as I referred to it) I kept fighting bitterness, anger, injustice, rejection, shame, disappointment, fear, and abandonment. I found it more challenging to forgive her than him until one day I was mentally battling all the anger and pain, trying to release the injustice of it all, while learning to trust and rest in God’s love and justice, that the Lord impressed upon me it was my sins that also put Jesus on the cross! I knew He was right and I had to breakdown before Him and weep once more. This time with a brokenness of my imperfect will submitting to God’s perfect will.

    There are still days I feel the anger rise up. I talk it through with God but then I end with, “I choose to forgive them, just as You, Lord, forgave me. It is not Your will that any should perish and I pray that their eyes will be opened to Your truth; that it is Your kindness that leads to repentance. I surrender my cause to You knowing that whatever the outcome You are Sovereign. I know that You love them and You love me.” So to answer the question, “How does forgiveness make me feel?” I feel free!

    • Jo. S says:

      Thank you so much for sharing your experience–I appreciate you’re strength and wisdom from your experience.

    • Andrea says:

      This is so inspiring a story.How do you get through each minute and still hold your head high.Many people go around hurt and would rather everyone to feel the misery and emptiness and the emotional pain that such an incident leave behind in its path.I admire your faith and strength in God even in these difficult moment.Its good to know God”s eyes are on the sparrow and I know he watches over us.
      No man or woman can do more than his or her time.Take it all at the foot of the Cross and leave it there.God CAN.

      • Angel Andrew says:

        Thank you! It took a long time before the joy came and the grieving was laid aside. There is a season of grieving for everyone but for me I was determined not to let it derail God’s purpose for my life as well as my three boys. What people see today is the evidence of my Beloved Father’s gentle touch and His enduring love that helped me get through it. But it was also a struggle to learn to even trust God with everything. I had to take it moment by moment, memory by memory, one pain at a time and willingly ask for God’s healing.

        Even though a life-shattering event comes and goes, it’s the trauma that can keep a person in misery. Believe me! The process of healing can be quite challenging! Malachi 4:2 says, “But unto you who revere and worshipfully fear My name shall the Sun of Righteousness arise with healing in His wings and His beams, and you shall go forth and gambol like calves [released] from the stall and leap for joy.” I had to forgive, be forgiven, and ask for God’s healing “light” to come each time I was hurting, angry, sad, or whatever. He was always faithful to do so. The memory may still be there but the pain is no longer attached to it. So I am free! I am now leaping for joy! God has been good and no matter what I go through, I never want to live without Him.

    • Chey-Juan says:

      What a beautiful heartfelt response. I don’t know you but I love and feel for you. You are truly amazing. Keep your heart open and god will give you someone worthy of your love. Even if the only one ends up being him. That’s how amazing you are. Be blessed in your journey. I’ll pray for you and continue to send love and light

    • Dale Partridge says:

      Wow.. I am so blessed by your story and by your heart, Angel! Thank you for offering such vulnerability and the steps you choose daily to choose forgiveness and freedom.

  2. Danielle Borer says:

    This is beautiful, and I’ll admit made me tear up a little bit. This journey has been my life for sometime. I had let the bitterness, anger, un-forgiveness start to destroy me. I love this quote my pastor used in one of his messages, “to forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.” I, thankfully, went to a discipleship program and started the process or forgiveness. It’s changed my life and I believe has made me healthier as well as happier. Thanks for the reminder! ๐Ÿ™‚

    • Dale Partridge says:

      I’ve heard that quote before, and I too have remembered it ever since. Crazy how freeing forgiveness makes us feel!

  3. Chellabean says:

    Forgiveness can be healing, if you can truly make it stick or make peace with it, if that makes any sense. Unfortunately I have one of those minds where I think it is set and then my mind wanders or thoughts/dreams reappear in my sleep and it all comes back, sometimes months or years later. Then the process has to start all over. The cycle can be exhausting.

    • Dale Partridge says:

      I understand what you mean! Things from the past can definitely be haunting. But keep trying, don’t give up. I believe we do not have the strength to forgive on our own, which is why we have to allow God to do it through us.

  4. Marie says:

    It is most difficult to forgive myself, although I do have times when I feel it fleetingly. Too much to forgive myself for and don’t feel I deserve it most of the time.

    • Dale Partridge says:

      God says you deserve it and forgave you a long time ago on that cross. Don’t hold yourself to a higher standard than he has! You are free to move forward with your life… you had to go through those things to make you who you are today.

  5. Mark Huntington says:

    I believe that you can help yourself to forgive when you understand that you’re dealing with another human being and none of us are perfect. Many times, feelings of rejection play a part in life. When you find rejection in life, simply realize that the system is working as designed. You will find rejection in life. We all do.

  6. nargis says:

    Forgiveness is hard. Especially someone who has absolutely no remorse of his actions. This video was good. Thank you.

  7. Ronna says:

    I have struggled with forgiveness my entire life. Forgiveness lets bad people off the hook! Hold people who do bad acts accountable!

    • Connie Studley-Brown says:

      Forgiveness doesn’t let them off the hook. It just means that you are bigger than they are and you will be happier and having that load taken away.

  8. The Full Light says:

    I choose to forgive a man for years of domestic abuse. Truly forgive him in my heart and told him. The rewards of forgiveness were tremendous. It allowed us both to heal in spirit and move forward in life. We enrich our spirit when we choose to live in love and forgive others as Christ also forgave us. We also display the character of Christ to others who desperately need him. I think it helps to focus on the rewards of forgiveness, rather that the action that needs to be forgiven. We all make mistakes.

  9. Helen says:

    I so needed to read/see this today, Dale. I’m struggling to forgive someone, to offer myself freedom through that forgiveness. Repeated, ongoing, abusive behaviours make it difficult to maintain a position of forgiveness, even though I know that forgiveness is what I need to attain to be able to heal fully. It’s something I’m having great difficulty with, that causes me great frustration and hurt and pain: repeated abuses/traumas that keep me in a negative space I don’t want to live in. I need to rise about it all somehow…it’s the ‘somehow’ I’m having trouble with, as my heart is naturally forgiving but there is no respite, no space, in which to fully forgive.

  10. Shobhna Jha says:

    Forgiveness finishes something like the unfinished song in the head. Its a cure. Its a need. Its a ‘blessing in disguise’ for future and happiness, indeed! Forgiveness needs courage actually, to look small, to bend before the unforgivable… BUT For the very last time! As after that very second, of mending up with him/her, you are like that free bird who is beautiful, high-spirited, cheerful-only few get the occasional chance to glance at it(the bird) and get inspired, saying “Wow! Life is beautiful” ๐Ÿ™‚

  11. Jane Darling says:

    Forgiveness takes time but bit by bit it happens until that day you know you’ve forgiven the person and you can move on. Unforgiveness only cripples you. Forgiveness means freedom to be the person you want to be

  12. Leslie Malin says:

    Who do I hurt when I am unforgiving? MYSELF, that’s who. My anger, resentment, judgement, and negativity does nothing to the person I can’t forgive, but it possesses and toxifies me. Forgiveness doesn’t make whatever happened right or just or to be forgotten. Forgiveness makes me more powerful than what happened to me,

    • Leigh says:

      Forgiveness is a conscious choice. In forgiving these persons, you no longer feel the pain and anger you felt before . You are leaving it behind, and looking forward.
      I had to forgive my rapist, who I helped put away for a long time, because I couldn’t stand to feel that rage anymore. I also prayed for him, and felt pity for him. He is what would be considered to be a sexual sadist, so rehab is probably unlikely. I really hope you will be able to see whoever has hurt you as just another human being, like you are, who are imperfect and make poor judgements. Forgiveness sets you free from resentment, anger, hurt, pain, and most everything else that you’ve held onto, while the person you cannot forgive is going on with their lives, it’s not affecting them, so the only person affected by it is you. I know from experience it doesn’t feel good. I don’t think most people realize how important forgiveness really is, it is a choice to love, no matter what. I pray that you will learn more about this very important concept. The Bible speaks extensively about forgiveness, if you want to check that out.

    • Connie Studley-Brown says:

      Forgiveness will close that door of consumption. You must be willing to let it go and all of it and I promise the hurt will eventually not hurt as much as it does now and you will find peace and happiness. Trust in God he’s the saving grace.

  13. Connie Studley-Brown says:

    I have been estranged from my only child for three years now, she has accused me on social media of being an abusive mother her entire life. She recently sent me a letter telling me that I’m not my granddaughters grandmother and that I need to move on with my life. I’ve had to accept that she doesn’t want me part of her life and to forgive her for the lies and accusations she’s accused me of but the hardest part is not being able to see my granddaughters that alone was like a knife through my heart and that was the hardest part to forgive her for. She knows what she’s done is all lies and so does God I’m at peace with her decision but she will regret it one day and I will be here for her.

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