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3 Crazy Excuses We Use to Delay Marriage

I got married when I was 24 years old. Sure, I had my share of uncertainties, but I also had a relationship with an amazing woman (for only one year) who I’d grown to love and trust.

If you’re looking for 100%, 90% or even 80% certainty in your relationship, then you should probably move to another planet. As far as I can tell, that level of confidence doesn’t exist here.

Marriage is one of those worthwhile experiences in life. Total dedication and fully exposed. It's a gift, worth the risk. I even write this as I await the arrival of our first baby, who was actually due yesterday, and trust me, it's so worth it. There's nothing more native, more natural, and more human than creating a family.

My purpose in writing is this, I want to encourage those who may be sitting on the sidelines, those who are not even in the game, and even those in a seven-year relationship without a formal commitment.

Here are 3 Overly Common, Crazy Excuses we use to Delay Marriage

One in Two Marriages End in Divorce:

That may be true, but since when do we let statistics guide our relational decisions? 96.9% of serious adult relationships end in breakup. Are you going to stop dating? If we were talking about your stock portfolio perhaps, but not your relationships. Many of us try to mitigate risk in relationships by using the excuse of this statistic, but it doesn’t actually reduce risk, it only reduces joy, experience, and fullness of life. We must remember we gain the most pleasure in the places of deepest commitment. This is one of life's most ironic laws: our sources of deepest pain are also our sources of deepest joy.

We Already Live Together:

My grandparents’ generation had this phrase, “Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?” They like to apply this expression to the fact that so many of “the young people these days” are living together, sleeping together, and generally doing life as if they were married when they’re not. They’ve got the milk, the cow, and the pseudo marriage but it’s a sham. To take this expression even further, when you’re “getting the milk for free” and “the cow” is not yours, you’re actually taking something that doesn’t belong to you. You’re stealing. Someone else is tending the field in which the cow grazes, paying for its food, and more. You get the point? In your relationship, you’ve got to decide: are you all in or all out? Stop riding the fence. As a man, there is nothing honorable, brave, or extraordinary about someone who avoids commitment.

Marriage Is Just a Piece of Paper:

Is it? Then why are so many struggles occurring in our culture today to redefine marriage, to stretch its definitions and borders? Marriage matters. I think there’s something innate in us that longs for the safety of deep commitment. Marriage creates a covenant – an agreement – between two consenting parties. It creates safety. It’s an act of courage to say, “I will stay, come hell or high water. I will not leave your side no matter what.” Ultimately, I think most people today, lack commitment because of unresolved brokenness in their past. They don’t have the emotional maturity, and instead of healing, they use the lame excuse, “Marriage is just a piece of paper” to continue the delay of marriage.

What other excuses have you seen people make to delay marriage? “I need to finish school” or “After we get a house”, etc.

 


This blog post was written by an independent guest contributor.
Author Name: D Patridge.

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Comments

54 Responses

  1. I hear, “our relationship isn’t ready for marriage” and “we are not financially stable” or “marriage is just a piece of paper” and “we already live together”.

  2. My boyfriend has told me he wants to ask me between my birthday and his but did not happen because he needed the money for the car which I know he gets paid loads

  3. As an outsider with no other metric to go off what’s really going on in your relationship, it sounds like open communication will help save hurt feelings. Stick to honestly, with no embellishments. You deserve to be valued, and feel loved. Hope you all the best.

    1. Thank you for tour advice. It jus seems we don’t talk and sometimes do not care deeply for the other person’s feelings. I might have got annoyed today over nothing! On Friday my partner paid for me to have my hair cut and coloured. He said that’s my valentines treat. I came home after work today and he gave me a card. Then I discovered he had gone to visit his daughter and partner, who incidentally were out and let his daughter flowers on the doorstep.
      Am I so wrong in saying hey how tactless? It’s Valentine’s Day and toy buy flowers for your daughter who lives with a great guy and yet I come home to a card. I maybe out of order here, maybe thought he had spent enough. It was not the cost that hurt it was the tactless lack of thought that hurt and annoyed me. Makes me sad and feel yet again a nothingness! Please feed back any thoughts on this I’d be happy for other opinions xx

  4. I can’t afford to marry you. I’d do it but you’d have to pay the difference in the health insurance , I can’t pay for your co-pays ,you’d have to pay for life insurance. I simply can’t “take care of you”. You’re to sickly, I can’t afford it.

  5. My Boyfriend and I have been together for nearly three years. He insists that he is in love with me, that I am who he wants to marry, that he IS committed to me… but its the issue of WHEN has been our biggest fight. His answers are usually ambiguous. I had told him during our first fight over this topic that I didn’t want to be like his ex-girlfriend: 3 years dating and no commitment. I told him during the first fight I would leave after the three year mark because I want to get married and have a family . He has often said he is afraid of losing me, but got mad when I told him during my last “freak out” on Christmas that the three year mark is coming up and I am struggling with either leaving or waiting it out another year.

  6. I’ve known my boyfriend since we were kids. I attended his first wedding, which happened because he got a girl pregnant, same goes for his second marriage, so two divorces and now we have been together for almost four years, our four year anniversary is on New Year’s Eve. He was separated when we met, and battling for his house but he let her have it and wanted to be with me instead so a step in the right direction. Since they were separated for 6 years, I thought cool, marriage here we come….wrong. My legs hurt from jumping through so many hoops. He’s great to my boys who adore him and he has given us a new house to live in and I choose to work but don’t have too, he will do most anything I ask except marry me. My parents are all deceased and he comes from a small family as well and already had two huge weddings that cost a ton of money due to marrying women with large families and friends. I was married once and it was at a Texas court house because I was escaping from having to deal with my mother dying, I know stupid and it got annulled. I have been engaged six times and never really wanting marriage because I was having a good time but of course now it’s a matter of life or death for me. I’m giving him until Valentine’s Day and that is it. I deserve to be married and I deserve a wedding. My sons deserve to see their mother get married so if I lose him, then it wasn’t meant to be but I refuse to keep being strung along.

  7. Do people remember the meaning of marriage in the first place? And that is love. If two people love each other there is no excuses at all for not getting married. When you are so deeply in love you will do anything for that person and be there for better or worst. Better or worst…. That is the true meaning. So whatever position that someone is in there will always be that love regardless. No matter how it’s done or what steps you take into trying to do it the right way really there is no right way. The only right way is that big word love. So if you have that deep love with someone you will be willing to go through whatever they are going through in life and try to make it through together and that is the meaning of marriage. Therefore I believe there should be no excuses or the right way to do it. If you love each other you love each other and that is all it is to it. You get married and you make it through life with each other to build. You shouldn’t get married just because of a child has been born and you shouldn’t have reasons to get married. When you love somebody will risk whatever it may be to be with that person and when both partners feel that deep love with each other then they know they are ready to be married and would not let anything stand in the way of that.

  8. My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 and a half years, living together for 2. We are both financially stable, have good jobs, etc. We don’t have kids (he hates kids). Some excuses he has given me:
    1. I want to live together for 6 months first.
    2. (After 6 months) No, I said 2 years.
    3. Let’s see what our friends do. It’s not fair on him if we get married first (they later broke up).
    4. It’ll negatively affect our tax.
    5. Well honey, if you want a promotion, first you have to prove to the company that you deserve it.

    I recently told him that, although I love him and still want to be with him, I don’t want to marry him. He said, “That’s a win-win for both of us.” When I told him it was because he was still too immature to make that big a decision, he stormed off and sulked for an hour.
    We are still in a happy relationship, he has never been happier. I still cry about it, but I figure I will be happier as I am now, with a man, rather than in a marriage with a little boy.

  9. I read this article because I was searching the Internet for answers to why my boyfriend whom I’ve been together with for close to two years says, marriage is just a piece of paper. It crushed me because I just turned 40 and I deeply want to have that in my life. If anyone could understand the fears of divorce it’s me. I have been divorced and my parents divorced when I was 8 years old. I have also seen marriages succeed. I love my boyfriend deeply and we get along so well. Our communication is on point. We can freely talk about anything. I know his reason for “marriage is just a piece of paper ” He was in love with a woman (the mother of his two children) for years. They were engaged and before the actual wedding he lost his job and just started another and he didn’t even get the first paycheck and she just left him because he wasn’t making enough money for her. It crushed him. And now fast forward 4 years later, he is still sad about it. He doesn’t tell me that but he has told me this several times. The woman has moved on goy married and had another child since they havery been apart. He says he’s in love with me, even moved from California to Missouri with me and still maintains he is happy with how are relationship is and says marriage is just a piece of paper. Am I just wasting my time? I believe I deserve the same respect that other woman have. Any input would help

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