Remember that song, “R-E-S-P-E-C-T” by Aretha Franklin in the 60’s? Well, it’s about time you got some. A man will respect you when you respect yourself. If he doesn’t, you shouldn't be dating him. Period.
As a married man standing on the side lines, I must say you single ladies have got to put up better boundaries in your dating relationships! Think: fences, walls, lines in the sand, and some firm non-negotiables. Some of you may even need to put some barbed wire and shards of glass on top of those walls if you know what I mean…
Yes, relationships are two-way streets. Yes, I understand that you want to be loved. But don’t you want to be loved by an honorable man and not a jackass? If you recognize you're in a lawless, renegade relationship that is going nowhere, it might be time to get some better boundaries, and quick. But first, here are a few clarifying points about boundaries:
1. Setting a boundary is not making a threat
Setting a boundary is not making a threat – it is communicating clearly what the consequences will be if the other person continues to treat you in an unacceptable manner. It is a consequence of the other person disrespecting your wishes. Setting a boundary shows that you respect yourself. Which is a critical piece of communication in the first 3 months of dating.
2. Setting a boundary is not an attempt to control
Setting a boundary is not an attempt to control the other person – although some of the people who you set boundaries with will certainly accuse you of that – just as some will interpret it as a threat. Setting a boundary is part of the process to define what is acceptable to you. It is a major step in taking control of how you allow others to treat you. It is a vital responsibility to yourself and your life.
With those boundary basics said, here are 3 boundaries I think every single woman should have…
1. Treat Your Sexuality Like a Queen.
What would your sex life look like if you were a Queen? Queens are precious to their community they rule with authority, control, and class. They govern their affairs wisely. They practice self control. They know they are beautiful and worth the wait. They don’t put up with lawbreakers, jackasses, and men who want to shirk their responsibility within their community.
Call me old-fashioned, but I think women need to build better boundaries in this area. Sex has become far too casual these days. Women actually have the power to inspire men to grow up and gain some self-control. But they're not. And THEY NEED IT.
2. Don’t Stay in the Gray Forever.
You deserve to be dated. But you also deserve to be married (if you desire to be). If you’ve been hanging out in the “dating zone” far too long, make him “crap or get off the pot.” Enough stringing you along. Enough being “friends with benefits.” That’s just messing with your heart. And your heart needs to be guarded above all else. It’s your source of life. Start changing things up, by putting up a time boundary and see how he responds. “Boundaries in Dating” by Cloud and Townsend is a great resource to help you get started.
3. Use Your Honey to Attract Bees, Not Flies.
Law of attraction: Crazy attracts crazy. What are you “putting out” there and communicating to the world at large? Sure we should celebrate women's beauty. But let's redefine public beauty. It's not boobs and ass. It's character, face, story, and passions. A woman’s worth is not found in her outward appearance, but in her heart. Do your actions, words, and appearance reflect that truth? How do you dress around men? How do you act around men? What kind of words do you say around men? Use your honey to attract someone who you want coming around, not some fly who wants something for nothing.