3 Boundaries All Single Women Should Have

Remember that song, “R-E-S-P-E-C-T” by Aretha Franklin in the 60’s? Well, it’s about time you got some. A man will respect you when you respect yourself. If he doesn’t, you shouldn't be dating him. Period.

As a married man standing on the side lines, I must say you single ladies have got to put up better boundaries in your dating relationships! Think: fences, walls, lines in the sand, and some firm non-negotiables. Some of you may even need to put some barbed wire and shards of glass on top of those walls if you know what I mean…

Yes, relationships are two-way streets. Yes, I understand that you want to be loved. But don’t you want to be loved by an honorable man and not a jackass? If you recognize you're in a lawless, renegade relationship that is going nowhere, it might be time to get some better boundaries, and quick. But first, here are a few clarifying points about boundaries:

1. Setting a boundary is not making a threat

Setting a boundary is not making a threat – it is communicating clearly what the consequences will be if the other person continues to treat you in an unacceptable manner. It is a consequence of the other person disrespecting your wishes. Setting a boundary shows that you respect yourself. Which is a critical piece of communication in the first 3 months of dating.

2. Setting a boundary is not an attempt to control

Setting a boundary is not an attempt to control the other person – although some of the people who you set boundaries with will certainly accuse you of that – just as some will interpret it as a threat. Setting a boundary is part of the process to define what is acceptable to you. It is a major step in taking control of how you allow others to treat you. It is a vital responsibility to yourself and your life.

With those boundary basics said, here are…

3 boundaries I think every single woman should have

1. Treat Your Sexuality Like a Queen.

What would your sex life look like if you were a Queen? Queens are precious to their community they rule with authority, control, and class. They govern their affairs wisely. They practice self control. They know they are beautiful and worth the wait. They don’t put up with lawbreakers, jackasses, and men who want to shirk their responsibility within their community.

Call me old-fashioned, but I think women need to build better boundaries in this area. Sex has become far too casual these days. Women actually have the power to inspire men to grow up and gain some self-control. But they're not. And THEY NEED IT.

2. Don’t Stay in the Gray Forever.

You deserve to be dated. But you also deserve to be married (if you desire to be). If you’ve been hanging out in the “dating zone” far too long, make him “crap or get off the pot.” Enough stringing you along. Enough being “friends with benefits.” That’s just messing with your heart. And your heart needs to be guarded above all else. It’s your source of life. Start changing things up, by putting up a time boundary and see how he responds. “Boundaries in Dating” by Cloud and Townsend is a great resource to help you get started.

3. Use Your Honey to Attract Bees, Not Flies.

Law of attraction: Crazy attracts crazy. What are you “putting out” there and communicating to the world at large? Sure we should celebrate women's beauty. But let's redefine public beauty. It's not boobs and ass. It's character, face, story, and passions. A woman’s worth is not found in her outward appearance, but in her heart. Do your actions, words, and appearance reflect that truth? How do you dress around men? How do you act around men? What kind of words do you say around men? Use your honey to attract someone who you want coming around, not some fly who wants something for nothing.

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116 Responses

  1. Thank you married white man for giving your input on how single women, who you don’t even know, should live their lives. Lord knows what we women would do without you guys telling us how to be better, happier people.

  2. I feel that I do all of this…yet I still sit on my couch, alone, on a Friday night. I have no sexual intentions when I have my eyes on a guy I am trying to flirt with, but they never seem to pick up on my signs. My winks and smiles are never responded to on the dating sites I have been attempting. So, yes, I know I am a Queen, but my King seems to be unresponsive or lost. Or maybe just a douche.

    1. … I am not a genius or any of that but umm… Quit with the damn signs. Things are confusing enough with women. Be a Alpha Woman. Get up and ask him for some coffee or tea,

      Unfortunately the thing about dating sites is you get to pick and choose who you wink and smile to but so does the person you wink. They don’t get to be wooed by your charm or see the cute way you giggle.

      This is what you do. Go socialize. Initiate contact. Meet and greet everyone. Become interesting. Work out all of that stuff.

      If you are sitting alone on your couch on a Friday night it is because you want to, not because someone isn’t there to carry you out.

  3. Besides that fact that I was surprised and disappointed to find that the tone and message of this article were inconsistent with the more encouraging, less judgmental posts that I normally see here, I think it’s also worth mentioning that the plural of “woman” is “women,” and therefore the whole post seems unprofessional from the title alone. Although there are many other things I could say, most of what bothers me most has already been stated in previous comments, so I will simply add that I think it’s dangerous and assumptive to say “all women” (or in this case “all woman”), when the lives and relationships of women are so varied and diverse. Taking the “all women” approach seems to me to be lazy writing and a sign of a poorly-thought-out argument. I expected better.

  4. From my experiences with men in general as an older woman, they seem to place conditions around respecting women. In your article you also place conditions on women to access respect from men. Your article should be addressing men and their lack of respect for women and their lack of personal responsibility, the language they use to discuss women, their unfair classificarions for women based on their biases and this childish mentality that fathers teach sons and is passed down generationally and culturally with negative rhetoric and ignorance, and the refusal to see women as equals with their own individual power to choose their life experiences, how to dress, who to have sex with, whether to be fat, whether to wear make up, or not. I am sick to death of men prescribing how women should look, act, dress etc. so as to access their respect. Men are no longer in charge! They don’t get to dictate the terms of respect. They need to lift their game because women don’t need them.

  5. Love your messsge! It’s not surprising that many won’t agree with you..As a woman who tries hard to live by Godly principles. .I am very appreciative of your wisdom and guidance from a male perspective. .Keep sharing as your are directed..One Love!

  6. Maybe you should lay out rules for men in dating rather than for women. I know you probably meant no offense by this post, but this is in silting to read. Women can choose how they date and yes while they should set healthy boundaries, they don’t need a man to tell them those. The part that made me particularly upset is the part about women having sex. Lemme break something down for you: SOME WOMEN LIKE SEX. And it is not their job to change mens behaviors it is men’s job to do that.

  7. I agree with this article. To all the people that are saying are equal in terms of porn, and etc. you are wrong, you are probably used to being used and have normalized it. I find as not an easy woman women that are “loose” in terms if their sexuality and power are wrong. They probably will not get married because women like this repulse men. Men will have sex with a woman like this but will not marry one.

  8. I disagree with this article. It’s exactly why you hear lyrics such as “girls are walking around like they got diamonds in their c**chie.” Excuse the language but, to me, that tells me guys are finding dating or asking for sex frustrating and almost a dig to their pride when their approaching girls that are snubbing them as if they’re not good enough. This concept above also confuses guys with these same conservative thoughts when women ask them for sex. Then they assume she doesn’t respect herself or even know her own needs when many girls do, in fact, know their needs as a reader above stated. This girl may be highly sexual and love sex and expressing her sexuality in the sense that it makes her feel good: she releases sexual tension, gains experience, it’s an opportunity for her feel sexy and it not have to be in a monogamous relationship. Women can can self confidence just as men do in having sex. Now there are times when women may settle for guys that don’t treat them well but this may be because when they held to their standards No guys approached them so they thought maybe their standards were too high. And in trying to be more realistic fell for shitty person. It can happen especially when the guy is a liar and manipulator for his own selfish wants this doesn’t make the mistreatment something she can always readily see and avoid. How about an article where men are told to think of women as they would a sister. Then the way women should be properly treated I think would naturally follow. Women should be more selfish and that would shut out a lot of bad men I agree. Both we should be less judgmental on both sides. Bc what’s being created are women that make men feel inferior in some sorts and women who open up to selfish men and end up hurt Bc he finds more pleasure in being selfish than meeting her halfway. Both parties need to be playing their part. The truth is everyone is constantly growing and evolving. No one is perfect and we’re all human so women should be respected if they just want to have sex and not so readily judged of being a hoe and valued less. There are girls out there but that should be for the guy to decide on individual basis not as a blanket statement. Females should value themselves enough to protect themselves but the reason that is has to do with preventing harm from selfish douchebags. Maybe if more men realized this they wouldn’t be so offended by women holding themselves with such a high regard. Men should be meeting women halfway then women wouldn’t have to be so extremely guarded.

  9. Well speaking of single women which they’re very much too blame why so many of us good innocent men are still single today when we really should’ve Never been in the first place. And many of us men Aren’t Single By Choice at all.

  10. This is a great article. It filled me with so much hope and strength specially because it was written by a man. Its so sad reading those comments criticizing the author for giving his wise advise to us women rather than to men. My biggest hurt in life is not having a father in my life to protect me and guide me in this life. So thank you for being that voice of wisdom and encouragement that every women needs, not just from their mothers but also from their fathers, uncles and any male figure in their lives. We need more men like you in our lives. It is men like you that raises the strong and confident woman who fair better in life, in their marriages, career and families. So many women, while young, want to live life like men, not knowing that time and nature is cruelest to us women than to men. Our time, bodies and energy is extremely valuable because it is unlike that of a man. After we become adults, it is our sole responsibility, not mens responsibility, to protect and respect ourselves. In an ideal world everybody would respect each other. However, we do not live in an a ideal world. Men are free to behave as they please, let them reap what they sow. And ladies if you too want to live liberally as some men do, know that you too will reap what you sow. Thank you for such a great article. Shalom

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