3 Boundaries All Single Women Should Have

What is a boundary?

Before we dive into the types of boundaries that might be helpful for single women, particularly while navigating the dating scene, let’s cover a few basics about what boundaries are:

• Boundaries are the rules that you set for yourself about what is acceptable to you and what isn’t acceptable to you.
• Boundaries are about caring for yourself, not about controlling others.
• Boundaries which are healthy and important for you personally will always be for the greater good of everyone involved, even if other people affected by those boundaries don’t see it that way.
• Boundaries provide a foundation for any type of relationship to thrive.
• You can know your boundaries but you don’t always have to communicate every boundary to every person. There may be times you use your boundaries as a way to know when to walk away, when to say no, when to remove someone from your life. There may be times when you use your boundaries to communicate with someone to set expectations and resolve a problem.
• Boundaries only work if you know what your values are, and boundaries are, and if you live by those, act on them, and when necessary communicate them clearly to other people.
• A key part of having boundaries work for you is not just communicating those boundaries to other people (before, or after they cross the boundaries) but importantly about what you choose to do if someone ignores your boundaries (once or repeatedly).
• Boundaries can support various aspects of your wellbeing and your life. For example, you can have boundaries about your time and resources, boundaries that support you physically, boundaries about your mental and emotional wellness, and more. Anything that acknowledges, honors and supports your highest good by drawing a line about what is or isn’t acceptable could be termed a “boundary”.
• If your boundaries honor and support you, and someone else doesn’t like that, it’s their problem, not yours.
• Notice how you feel if other people challenge or push your boundaries… does it make you question yourself? If you’ve tended to be a “people pleaser”, or you haven’t valued yourself highly enough, then setting boundaries can feel uncomfortable. But always remember you have your boundaries for a reason, and anyone worth having in your life will at least be willing to listen and respect your choices.

With all that said, let’s cover 3 boundaries that can support and uplift women (particularly this is focused on single women who might be navigating the dating scene).

3 Boundaries to Support Single Women

1. Physical Boundaries – Your Body is Sacred

You are precious, in every way. Your soul, your personality, your strengths, your weaknesses, your mind, your creativity, your intelligence, your heart, and… your body.

The physical aspect of who you are is sacred. And you, and you alone, get to choose what your body boundaries are.

Whatever boundaries you set for your physical body need to align to your values in a way that supports and uplifts your self worth, self confidence and self esteem.

It’s important for you to know, for your sole benefit, what your boundaries are when it comes to a) your body and other people, b) your body when first meeting/dating people, and c) your body and intimacy when dating someone in a situation that isn’t yet a committed relationship.

So as you navigate your daily life as a single woman, particularly in any scenario where you’re dating, go into each day knowing what you will and won’t accept in terms of how other people treat you physically, what feels right for you and where you would draw the line at behavior being “not acceptable”.

Remember – anyone worthy of you, anyone you would want to have in your life, will see your boundary or hear you express your boundary, and will honor you for it. Anyone who doesn’t “get it” can keep on moving!

2. Time Boundaries – Your Time is Valuable

A key boundary in life, to respect ourselves and other people, is how we value time. Let’s look at time related boundaries and how these might serve you as a single woman:

• No one wants to be kept waiting. If you agree to meet someone (e.g for a date), and they keep you waiting, it’s not a great sign. There may well be instances where someone being late is unavoidable, but repeated instances of someone forgetting to be on time, not being organized enough to be on time, or simply just not caring and not even realizing they aren’t on time… that calls for boundary setting and clear communication.
• Not replying to messages and leaving you waiting. Time is valuable and respect for self and others includes replying to messages in a timely way. This allows people the space to plan their time, days, lives and to know where they stand. If someone doesn’t reply to your messages, and doesn’t communicate in a reasonable way, leaving you unsure where you stand, or in a difficult position unable to make plans, that isn’t ideal. You deserve to have clarity.
• Endless dating, no commitment, and no intention or communication. If you’ve been dating someone for a while, and you want to progress the relationship, but someone isn’t showing or communicating their intention and doesn’t appear to be valuing you in their life or valuing your precious time and life, then it may be time to set a boundary.

3. Emotional Boundaries – Your Emotions are Not to be Messed With

It doesn’t matter what stage of life you’re at, whether you’re single or not, every person deserves to be treated with dignity and respect as a human being. People who do not treat you with foundational respect, don’t deserve to be in your space.

Dating is not a game. Real emotions are involved. Real people, with real hearts, with desire for love, joy and connection.

It’s important to know what you will and won’t accept when it comes to how people treat you (dating or otherwise), speak to you, what words they use and what you won’t put up with.

The more you understand yourself and your core needs, particularly as a single person dating, the more you’ll know what your emotional boundaries need to be, and what you won’t accept.

This will make it easier to clearly identify people that are not values-aligned for you, and equally easy to identify the ones who are.