Getting married is a personal choice and may not be for everyone. Each person creates the life and the types of relationships that resonate most with them. In this article we cover 4 things that provide a starting foundation as the basis for a healthy long term relationship (including for marriage, if that is something you want).
Please bear in mind the 4 points in this article are most definitely not sole indicators of a human being's value, nor of their suitability to be in relationship with you. This list is not exhaustive.
Every person is unique, layered, complex and a relationship has many factors to consider.
Some of these points might resonate as important to you, others might not. We're all unique, so take what works for you and above all else, be guided by your own intuition.
1. You hold similar core values
Bonding in a relationship happens at many levels – spiritually, physically, mentally and emotionally.
To have the foundations for a positive, healthy, mutually beneficial long term relationship, there needs to be some level of alignment on the things that truly deeply matter in life… things like your core values and core beliefs.
While you don't need to agree on everything or see life in the exactly the same way, we're talking here about “core” foundational beliefs and values.
No one else can tell you what those beliefs and values are, as they are unique to you, and to the person you're in relationship with. But you will know! Listen to your intuition. You will know if you're on the same page with him or not.
2. You have friendship and fun that sustains
When the fizz and infatuation of those early days in a relationship starts to fade, you'll soon know if the person you're with is “the one” for the long term…
There needs to be friendship. There needs to be fun. There needs to be the ability to chat about interesting things that matter to you both. There needs to be a sense of partnership and companionship.
The person you're with long term needs to be someone you want to spend time with, you can laugh with, someone you genuinely enjoy CHOOSING to spend your time with. After all, you'll be walking this journey of life side-by-side and it's a LONG journey!
3. He is honest and trustworthy
Trust your gut instinct as to whether the person you're with, based on what you know to date, is someone you currently deem to be honest, and trustworthy.
We build that sense of trust with someone, and declare them to be honest, based on our experiences with them. ie. their behavior and actions to date.
For a long term successful relationship, there needs to be honesty and trust. That doesn't mean both people are perfect, it just means that honesty and trust are core values, and both people are doing their best to live by those core standards with integrity.
4. He's open hearted and mature
Is the person you're considering spending your life with an open-hearted and mature person?
What we mean by this is:
- Is he mature in how he manages his own thoughts and feelings?
- Is he mature in how he responds to your feelings, words and actions?
- Is he self-aware and interested in growing as a person?
- Is he willing to deal with things in life in a mature and responsible way? e.g disagreements/conflict, problems, challenges
- Does he manage things in his life, including his relationship, in a way that shows he is caring and responsible?
- Is the way he treats other people (including you) kind and respectful?