Why You Don’t Have Boundaries & A Fix

Do you have healthy boundaries?

Or do you find yourself doing things you don't want to do, accepting poor treatment from others, diminishing yourself to please others, not speaking up, and feeling bad as a result?

In this video we look at common reasons for “no boundaries” and tips to create positive change…

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4 Responses

  1. Thank you Bernadette, I really enjoyed your discussion of boundaries. You have a lovely way of putting things into perspective.

  2. Hi B,

    I’ve been watching many of your videos in order to heal, not judge, understand what I can/ cannot control, and deal with toxic people, getting out of victim mode, etc. I thank you for that as I become more aware and stronger.

    Here is my dilemma. I am the daughter of a covert Narcassist with sociopathic traits. Because I know how to set boundaries and see through the vengefulness, this parent sees me as a threat. Not only through lies have I been alienated from most family members, but drawn into legal matters. I do not take this personal since EVERY single other close relative has gone through the same. E.g.: False claims through phone calls and letters to authorities. Even court cases that have left the spouse without a penny after 30 yrs of investment, placing their parent into a psych ward to get hands on bank accounts, etc. It’s manipulation to the 10th degree. NOTHING is said or done without it serving the individual some kind of monetary or morbid purpose.

    I’ve stayed away for years, but my grandmother (who is in denial) is turning 99 yrs old. Since I’m in the same country now, I want to visit her for her birthday where the parent will also be. How does one gracefully stand by their boundaries and loving spirituality, when one is portrayed as the Devil’s Child for not “Honoring thy Mother and Father” with every whim? I understand I am not in control of others, don’t care about being right/wrong, nor have expectations. But how does one buffer the blows of wrath and vindictiveness which is based on religious condemnation?

    Any suggestion is appreciated.

    Sincerely your student,

    1. Hi Robin, thanks for sharing and my initial thought is to find a way to visit when you can be there just you and your grandmother, for example, visiting before the birthday, the week before or the day before, and then again perhaps after, when it’s just you and your beloved grandmother. If that isn’t possible at all, then you could visit and choose not to say anything to the parent, not to engage, and to simply arrive, be with this loved one for their birthday, and leave. Giving no energy to the issues and conflict. Silence and non engagement, if given in the past any engagement has been fruitless and leads to conflict, and you’re not seeking resolution only to have peace. Let me know if that resonates and I wish you peace. Love, B

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