It's all about fingers today! More specifically, look at your fingers and see if any particular fingers look to be more well defined due to overuse?
The overuse I am talking about is finger pointing.
Not the “Hey hey hey, wink, grin, cowboy from the hip ‘gun salute’, slick move” type of finger pointing, and not the “Hey, what’s that over there?” type of curious finger pointing. These are innocent and excellent uses of finger pointing.
But instead I am talking about the ‘bony, accusatory, it’s your fault' type of finger pointing.
The well known question to ask yourself in relation to pointing the finger at others, in the accusatory manner, is… “If one finger is pointing at them, how many fingers are pointing back at you?” More than one right?! This is meant to teach you something.
We learn the wondrous, bony, accusatory finger point technique at a very young age. “Mummy, he did it!” and we banter back and forth… “No Mummy, she did it!” and then it moves to the school ground. “Mr Principal, he did it, it wasn’t me!”. Fingers, fingers, fingers, pointing every which way. It’s a form of childhood self-defence and self-preservation.
Then as we grow older and seemingly wiser, we may progress to up-ending our hand and our previous index finger pointing then gives way to the middle finger salute. Whatever way you use your fingers to express your dissatisfaction, to deflect blame, or simply to rightfully point blame where you think blame should lie….no good comes from it. You might feel better, but that bony finger doesn’t add value to anyone else, and the seemingly ‘good' feeling you think it gives you is just the initial warm wash of delusion as the upset and/or anger then festers inside of you.
I will never forget the day that a friend who had estranged herself, due to some unfortunate circumstances, saw me in the street. She did the middle finger salute at me. This was not a childhood occurrence I'm talking about an adult in their 20's, and it was a vehement use of what I call “the Bird”. I was so shocked and I think its the only time I have ever had a middle finger pointed at me since childhood (other than the odd vengeful road rage incident here and there…I'm your stereotypical female driver, sorry girls!) Anyhow, point of the story is…I could have given her a finger salute back in anger. I would like to think I was the being bigger person back then but actually I was just in shock. On reflection I know she was feeling sad, angry, guilty or threatened, one or all of these, and I am convinced that her salute would have been followed by the aforementioned festering. I am grateful my shock created temporary finger paralysis.
When something ‘out there' doesn't meet your expectation or seemingly tests your patience, if you feel the finger rising and it wants to point or up-end itself… just hold it back and say “NO finger!” Resist blame, respond calmly.
Do the old ‘breathe for 10 seconds' trick and let yourself calm. Bring yourself to centre balance. Be the bigger person, by being who you really are. You are not your reactive emotions, you are a deeper presence that knows blame and finger pointing add no value to yourself or anyone else. The feeling you get from being who you really are brings a warmer wash of goodness without all the delusion and festering. No amount of finger use, pointing or upending, will allow you to move on.
Bernadette Logue (known to everyone as “B”) is the Leader of The Daily Positive, a Transformation Life Coach and the author of 3 personal growth books – guiding you on how to master your mind, to live consciously and soul-aligned. To receive regular coaching resources and support, join B in EvolveHQ, The Daily Positive’s private personal growth membership and community. To find out more about B click here.