3 Excuses We Use To Avoid Forgiveness

I've been betrayed, cheated, lied to, stolen from, and even manipulated.

It hurts.

It's painful.

From bad business deals where I lost hundreds of thousands of dollars to a girlfriend who cheated on me with my best friend.

Forgiveness is defined as:

“to give up resentment or anger toward someone.”

As long as I could remember, I've always been able to extend forgiveness easier than most. I'm not really sure why. I recently had a close friend tell me my ability to forgive is a gift. I never thought about it as being so special until I read a study on the statistics of forgiveness. The level of pain, resentment, and unresolved conflict many of us carry is not only depressing, it's actually bad for our health. In a recent study published in the Journal of Behavioral Medicine, they linked the inability to forgive, to a decrease in cardiovascular health, an increase in blood pressure, and a 9% increase in the chance of a heart attack. Crazy. It leads me to this positive thought:

“Forgive them even if they're not sorry”

My big question is, what is stopping us from forgiving? After scouring the internet and reviewing a few research studies, I collected what I believe are 3 of the top excuses we use to avoid forgiveness.

3 Excuses We Must Stop Using When Needing to Forgive Someone: 

  1. When you forgive, you're saying what the person did is okay – This is 100% not true. You must express the hurt. You must feel heard. But then, you must let it go.
  2. You have to get over the feeling of being hurt before you can forgive – Forgiveness is a choice. The pain will never “feel” better.
  3. You can't forgive unless the other person is sorry – The best part of forgiveness is that you're in control. They don't have to be sorry for you to give up the anger.

I leave you with this… Forgive them even if they're not sorry. You'll be healthier, happier, and likely a better person for it.

Have you struggled with forgiveness? Let me know what has helped you in the comments below.

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6 Responses

  1. A good message thanks. I forgive because I am human, fallible, and in need of mercy also. I have found this verse from Gods Word helpful…..Romans 5:8 “But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us”. This shows Gods heart on forgiveness and His great mercy. I must follow my Master and do the same in terms of forgiveness…..love requires it.

  2. I think I just realized I had the power to let go. I simply told myself that I would no longer let my brain feed off of the negativity of the situation and move on to my happy life with a forgiving heart. It only makes me strong in the end.

  3. Being heard is vital. Not even, necessarily, by the person ho has wronged you, but by someone who can affirm toyounthat your not crazy.

  4. Chances are they’re messing up their lives anyway and have little to no prospects. Better to unburden yourself by forgiving and knowing you’ll move on to something bigger and better.

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