If you're anything like me, my confidence game can feel like a roller coaster on steroids! One day it’s there, and I’m flying high at the top of the first big hill and the next I’m dizzy from the loop-dee-loops of self-doubt and second-guessing.
Here’s the thing, I truly believe that confidence is a learned skill.
Yup! You heard me right.
We get to choose to step into confidence each and every day actively. To show up confidently, or not.
They say mindset is 99% of the equation for your success in life and confidence should make up a significant portion of that percentage.
When you're confident, everything can be solved. When you're confident, nothing can knock you off your game. And, when you're confident, you attract abundance in every area of your life.
So, how do we work on cultivating our confidence? Here are my top three tips for how to build your confidence IQ.
1. Enlist your own personal Confidence Collective
We all know that having a close group of like-minded people around us creates a sense of belonging, which leads to happiness, and in turn, boosts confidence.
Think of 3-5 key people in your life that you turn to when you need support. Are they friends, significant others, family members, mentors, coaches, co-workers?
Next, write down the names of these individuals and consider what role you want them to play in your Confidence Collective. I like giving my Collective members titles like “The Hopeful One,” “The Motivator,” “The Mentor,” or “The Coach.”
Then, you are going to reach out to each of these individuals. Let them know that you are starting your very own Confidence Collective. A group of people that you can turn to anytime you are feeling a little off your game. Let the person know what role you want them to play and tell them you will be reaching out whenever you need additional support and a boost to your confidence quotient.
Be sure to thank these individuals on a regular basis. Let them know how much their support means to you and be sure to show up for them when they need you to uplift them as well.
“Call it a clan, call it a network, call it a tribe, call it a family: whatever you call it, whoever you are, you need one.” – Jane Howard
2. Get over your confidence guilt
Feeling guilty for having a fantastic day, crushing it at work and making things happen in your personal life?
Give yourself permission to rock your life. All too often, we feel guilty if we do not have the same experiences as those around us.
Think about it. You go out with some friends, and you listen to them talk about how much they hate their jobs, how they wish they could be travelling abroad, and complaining about what their significant other did to make the latest blow-up happen.
Surprise everyone when you choose to own your confidence by speaking up proudly about how awesome things are going for you. Celebrate what is going right in your world.
Ace a project at work? Of course you did.
Did you make it to the gym three days in a row? Yah, baby!
Are you deciding to start your own business so you can be your own boss? Woohoo!
When we celebrate what is going right in our worlds, we show up with confidence and inspire others to think more positively as well.
Remember. Confidence is contagious.
3. Work and live from your zone of genius
You should live and work in a way that celebrates your strengths – your zone of genius – every single day.
Why? To shift the focus from what we can’t do to what we can do! We become aware of our capacity to make amazing things happen.
I want you to consider what you are love doing.
C’mon, don’t be shy! Make a list of at least 10-20 things you feel terrific doing. Want some suggestions?
- I’m a great listener.
- I know how to create fantastic spreadsheets.
- Everyone says I am a fabulous cook.
- I am a rockstar volunteer leader at my local food bank.
Look at your list. Do you see any themes emerge? Does your list involve helping others? Are they creative endeavours? Are you flying solo or working with a team?
Once you see the themes emerge, you can consider these areas your strengths.
Then, find ways to be in your zone of genius every day.
If you are creative, work in some creative space for yourself, even if it’s 15 minutes. If you like bringing groups of people together, plan to host a dinner party or potluck in the next couple of weeks.
I want you to emphasize your strengths. When you do that, your confidence will soar.
“Believe in yourself! Have faith in your abilities! Without a humble but reasonable confidence in your own powers you cannot be successful or happy.” – Norman Vincent Peale