Outgrowing Relationships – How to Know When it’s Time to Move On

It's bound to happen at some stage in your life that you will end up outgrowing relationships that you've been in for a long time, and realising they no longer work for you.

After all, you're growing and changing all the time, and so are other people. So relationships that once resonated may simply no longer fit. It's a very natural part of life.

Sometimes we have relationships (e.g intimate, social, professional) that are still in our life right now simply because they have always been there. They continue to linger from the past because we haven't made a conscious choice otherwise.

It could be that outgrowing relationships means you're no longer feeling connected to that person, your values or interests seem different or you just no longer “gel” with the person. Or more seriously it may be an unhealthy relationship that is actually negative, draining and dragging you down.

Here are a few ideas about outgrowing these relationships – what I call “Legacy Relationships” – including assessing when it's time to make changes in alignment with your intuition, and how to move onward.

Outgrowing Relationships – Knowing When to Move On

With love, Bernadette

Related Resources for Decision Making & Relationships

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6 Responses

  1. A great video thanks B! I needed to let go of family of origin relationships which had become toxic and negative. Understandably there was a huge backlash from other family members who didn’t want the status quo to be upset. Some family members have not spoken to me in years, others have just drifted away. But the good thing is that it has made space for others to come into my life.

  2. I question my family dynamics as I get older in age. I have been supportive with my family spending time with them talking, going to the doctor (including spending the night at the hospital after surgery), provide emotional and financial supportive. All I get from them is don’t do this or that, never hear anything supportive from them and I feel like a doormat, not being heard, and at 65 all this has come overboard with anger. I try to help out with the family pets and take care of them in good measure – a thank you know. It seems some of those family members think your their cash cow, never a thank you, only time you hear from them is when they need cash. So the bank is definitely close for anyone who wants anything else from me. I went on vacation and my sister was suppose to take care of my cat and she did not call me so I could take her to the emergency vet. My cost for this problem was over $6,000 and she died anyway. At the same time help paid my sister and her daughter’s phone bill while I was living with my sister, costing me $150 monthly for them both. While I was paying their phone bill, her daughter bought a $1,000 dog she couldn’t even afford. Did I ever get a thank you? No. So as doormat, yes I feel angry because no support for any of this. My sister said let it all go but it’s not costing her anything out of her pocket. She thinks I should not say anything about any of this, well I totally disagree. I know if my father was still alive, he would not put up with any of this. From doormat and financially taken advantage of on retirement income.

    1. Hi Pam
      I hear you and how challenging this has been, particularly after you’ve done so much to be kind and helpful to your family members. These types of family dynamics certainly have the power to open up valuable life lessons for us, and call us into new ways of being so we can find freedom from the old patterns in relationships. Things like boundaries, learning to say no, putting your needs on equal footing to theirs, and making yourself a priority when you know intuitively you need. Sometimes to love our family means to do these things… to say no, to love from a distance, to assert boundaries. I wish you much peace and flow as you move forward, and please do reach out if you’re looking for any other resources to help you as we have other family, relationship and communication resources that may resonate.
      Blessings to you!

  3. I been watching several of the videos and reading many of your resources. Well, I lived alone for many years in northern VA and prefer distance from my family. I pay all of my debts, take care of myself independently, and hardly ask for anything. My sister was shaming me the other day so I would stay in my boundaries according to her. Well, I had enough of it, blew up, and told her to quit shaming me. Family dynamics are hard to deal with and I have some raw pain from some of these situations. Shaming just took it over the limit. I am not tie down to spouses or children and always had an independent life. After dealing with all this toxic family shenanigans, it’s too close to live near them. They all have their own spouses and kids. Somehow I end up being the bad guy because I don’t obey them. They have knocked me off my equilibrium so I have to readjust myself and get myself back on a steady footing. I feel lost in all these family dynamics and it’s totally drained me. It will be another road to recovery and self-healing.

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