Arguing is exhausting. It takes so much effort and drains your energy. If you've decided you want to stop arguing with someone, then it's time to celebrate.
Why? Because that very wise decision you've made to learn how to stop arguing is what will free you and make a new path forward possible.
Someone in the situation has to be the bigger person, to consciously create calm and more effective communication. And that person might as well be you!
All it takes to stop arguing is first the clear choice that it's a priority and you will do whatever it takes, and second the commitment to learn how to upskill YOURSELF.
Upskilling yourself is important, because you can't control them and what they say or do, and so even if they are the one fuelling the arguments, your point of power is within yourself.
You have to learn HOW to be with someone who is negative and argumentative, and not bite back.
If you take the bait, the argument escalates.
If you don't take the bait, and you apply a few tips, you can diffuse the situation.
With practise you can quickly learn how to manage heated situations with grace. But it requires you to “step up” on a number of counts…
How to Stop Arguing
Reminders for De-escalating…
- Own it – Be willing to take the assignment, be willing to bring something new to this dynamic/interaction in order to disempower the old pattern and reset for a different way forward
- Give up the need to be right
- Realize past strategies to change the other person/people hasn't worked, so focus your efforts where you do have power and can make change… changing the way you deal with the situation.
Also… remember some people are unconscious, and/or toxic, and no matter how well you deal with them, you can't change them. So if your efforts lead to no result, you need to take care of yourself and your wellbeing. Consider boundaries, consider reducing your exposure to them, and consider the place of the relationship in the bigger picture of your life. You deserve peace!
Related Resources for Better Relationships & Communication
- How to Have Difficult Conversations
- How to Respond When Someone is Venting at You or Around You
- How to Get Immediate Peace Whenever You're Feeling Frustrated