It was one of those mornings. You all know what I’m talking about, and you’ve all had one of them too. Sometimes, we feel like we’re having one of those months.
I often feel like I’m having one of those lives, but yesterday, yesterday really knocked it out of the park with sticking to the statement “what can go wrong will go wrong.”
It started with a pair of shoes. It was one of those “cheer me up” purchases when I was feeling down.
Note to self – never let yourself buy things when feeling sad. It was almost as soon as I hit the confirmation button on pretty much the most expensive pair of shoes I’d ever purchased, justifying that they would last forever, that my computer started to make an ominous clicking noise.
And then the next minute it went ahead and fried the living daylights out of the hard drive and annihilated all of my files.
The day was just beginning. My senior thesis was on that laptop, and it hadn't been backed-up. I couldn’t afford a computer – I just bought shoes. To be honest, I couldn’t even afford the shoes.
Trying to suppress the thought that everything on my entire computer was obliterated, and that I’d be up half the night re-writing the ten pages of my thesis that were due the next day, I got ready for work.
Then I dropped my foundation container, and it shattered into tiny pieces all over my bathroom floor, painting it a lovely shade of medium-tan and glass shards.
Going makeup-less to work, I piled all my stuff into my car and halfway there realized I forgot my lunch. I also realized that my favorite water bottle had developed an enormous crack somewhere in this timeline, and had soaked through my jacket, destroyed my headphones, and drenched the dress I brought to change into that I needed to wear to an event in LA that night.
The list goes on.
Why am I telling you this, you ask? Why am I supposed to care? More horrible things happen every day, all the time. This is trivial stuff.
There will be big ups and big downs in life, but I’m talking the day-to-day things that trip us up or bring us down.
Your day to day matters. And it matters in the face of every circumstance that you choose joy.
No, I know that’s not an easy task. I struggle with anxiety, and I’m a person who has to convince myself that there’s a reason to get out of bed every morning and live the day. To convince myself that everything, even the dumb, crappy things like your computer exploding, happens for a reason.
This particular series of unfortunate events had me throwing up my hands in the air and asking why. I texted a friend in frustration and said, “I don’t understand why everything that’s happened these few months is happening.”
He responded with a simple, “Maybe you’re supposed to be learning how to let go.”
And that was that. I suddenly understood why this morning had happened. It’s a hard lesson to learn, and I’m still learning it, but I needed to stop living in relationships and moments that happened in the past, and have trust that I’m stepping into a better future.
I wish this chain reaction of inconvenient events hadn’t had to have occurred for me to realize it. But what can I say? I’m a bad learner.
Joy and happiness are different. When we experience a down in life, we will not be alight with happiness. But we can rest assured that it’s going to be okay. We might not be able to choose our circumstances, but we can still choose joy.