Passion is something we all strive for in relationships. We see stories of love in movies or read about them in books. The love stories are like a burning flame that no matter the circumstances, the fire cannot be put out. And our desire is to have a relationship that mirrors this kind of passion.
But what would happen if we worked toward loving one another on a “soul” level instead of one filled with fleeting passion?
Here are four tips to connect with one another when the passion is gone:
1. Prioritize the relationship.
“We must all suffer one of two things: the pain of discipline or the pain of regret.” – Jim Rohn
Relationships naturally get stale when they are neglected or placed on the back burner. Don't let a lack of passion push each other away. Sometimes it can feel like a chore to spend quality time together after a busy day or to give affection when it doesn't come naturally but prioritize it regardless. Take the same discipline you have in other areas of your life and funnel it into your relationship. There is no one else who will nurture your relationship but the two of you. Treat it like it matters even when it doesn't feel that way. You don't want to look back with an ounce of regret.
2. “Out-serve” each other.
Don't focus on what your partner can do for you. Serve one another. My husband and I are often competitors, and he once told me, “The only way we should be competing is to ‘out-serve' each other.” Since then, it has changed my perspective on our relationship. I remind myself that the relationship is not all about me and my personal happiness. When we feel unhappy, we become resentful and distant. We make excuses for why the relationship has changed and took a wrong turn. And most of the time, we point to the lack of passion we feel.
But next time you feel yourself becoming frustrated or making relationship comparisons, find a way you can serve. Your partner may not be on the same page, but I can guarantee it's a lot harder to pull away from someone who is selflessly serving, and he/she may just follow your lead!
3. Connect emotionally.
“A great relationship doesn't happen because of the love you had in the beginning, but how well you continue building love until the end.” – Unknown
When physical passion is gone, don't let the emotional side fade away too. Often, emotional connection increases physical desires. Make an intentional effort to connect emotionally and see if the physical follows. Connecting with your lover's heart and soul gives much more security to the relationship than any physical connection can.
4. Learn your partner's love language.
Understanding your partner's love language is a proven way to grow closer to one another despite the current lack of passion. If you are spending all of your time giving love in a way that doesn't penetrate the heart of your lover, then you cannot expect it to be effective. To help you and your partner learn each other's love languages, see our love language series post.
During times when you feel disconnected, or you are dreaming of the way things used to be, remember that the passion may be gone, but the love doesn't have to be.
Keep choosing love.
Tell us in the comments, what are some tried and true methods YOU use when the passion is gone?