As we look for love, breakups are inevitable. Though we aren't meant to be with everyone we date, it doesn't make it any easier to say good-bye. Sometimes it's impossible to overcome differences; compatibility isn't there, or trust has been broken. Some relationships are worth fighting for while others will never become healthy enough to sustain.

When the choice is made to go separate ways, a process of grief takes place that ultimately ends in moving on.

Here are 7 ways to get over a break-up:

1. Separate yourself.

The couples who think they can stay friends and still move on are typically setting themselves up for a rude awakening. When you stay chained to someone, you can't walk away to better things.

2. Don't try to forget; try to forgive.

Not all break-ups are from incompatibility. Sometimes you are left hurt and broken. If you spend the time after your break-up trying to forget, you will be disappointed. Memories stick with us–even the ones we want to ignore. So instead of living in denial, we must work toward forgiveness. Forgiving someone doesn't tell him it was okay, forgiveness is meant to free yourself from any harboring resentment.

3. Practice self-care.

After tending to a relationship for so long, you get lost. Your identity is so wrapped up in what you were when you were together that who you are as an individual takes a back seat. After a break-up, it's important to invest in yourself. Discover who you are, what you enjoy, and where you want to grow. Practicing self-care will help you get your identity back. Treat yourself well. You deserve it!

4. Don't take it personally.

It's NOT your fault. I have watched friends torture themselves thinking if they looked different, were more laid back and spontaneous, didn't work so much, etc. that their relationship would have lasted. This simply isn't true. Your worth is not defined by a successful relationship.

5. Write it out.

You can't take back your words. Not all are meant to be said, so write out your emotions–all your fears, insecurities, and angry rants. This isn't meant to be read by anyone; it's a way of healing for you and you only.

6. Don't go back.

Going back is not the answer to heartbreak. You WILL find the right one and don't need to settle in the meantime. There was a reason it didn't work out and the things you hoped would change while you were in the relationship will not be changed by going back.

7. Find the lesson.

Although difficult, there is a reason for every experience you had with your previous relationship, and you can grow from those lessons.

Tell us in the comments how YOU have successfully moved on after a break-up.

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11 Responses

  1. Hi Dale! This article called my attention at first because I had a very long relationship, (8 years and a half) and now I need to still seeing this person twice per week, I want the best for him, He has been clear to me that He don’t want any relationship from now on, but it is not good for me and I don’t know How can I move forward If I still seeing him (one year ago we break up). I’m against the wall :´(

    1. That is so difficult! Most people have the option to not see the person after the breakup, so I can imagine that it’s difficult to move on when he is still in your life 🙁 I’m wondering if it would help to be aware of your perspective when you see him. Do you still imagine “what if?” and feel hopeful he may change his mind? Possibly change your perspective and think: “Wow, I really enjoyed that relationship, so I can’t imagine how much BETTER the next relationship will be!” Then spend your time feeling hopeful for the future rather than dwelling in the past. One last thing, take some time for YOU! Saying, “I want the best for him” shows that you truly have a great and loving heart! Spend your time loving yourself by figuring out what other things in this world make you come alive! Put all that love you had for this man into something else like self-love or a good cause! I hope this helped and I wish you the best as you continue to heal. 🙂 <3

  2. I was in a relationships for two years with this guy when i discovered that he was in another relation with another lady while we were still dating i left this guy.What i did to move on is i blocked him that was so painful but i had to be strong, and i made it a it a point to avoid him i had to choose me over him it was all about my self esteem i wasn’t going to be an option for someone else and settle for crumbs.It has been five months now since we split the pain has now lessened and iam healing.

  3. I was with someone for 3 years and we broke up suddenly . I know it’s over but my heart keeps holding on. We no longer communicate and I cut his family off to because I need to heal completely. What else can I do.

  4. Practice self care really struck a chord with me. I had recently said to a friend I feel the brainwashing is less but I don’t know who I am at the moment. The comments in the article have made me feel ok about this and I am now paying attention to myself and trying to be open to new things so thank you

    1. Linda, I can totally relate. I felt the same way in a breakup I went through before marrying my husband. Intentionally taking care of myself and trying new things so I could learn more about myself was really transformational! I hope it will be for you, too 🙂

  5. I broke up (and got back together) with the same man FIVE TIMES over the course of four years. There were relationships in between but something kept drawing me back to him. Number 6 resonated with me the most- loneliness and fear of being unlovable had a lot to do with the “magnetism”. Bottom line: the issues didn’t change. The patterns continued to repeat. And now I’m moving forward and appreciating the lesson I’ve finally learned.

  6. Just read the tips thanks so much I was in a relationship for eight months to a guy who decided to move back home and leave without telling me he broke my heart I thought we would be together a long time but I believe in my heart that it wasn’t meant for us to be together I have forgiven him but I made it clear that I’m not going to be with someone that lied to me I wish him happiness but I’ve moved on but your article was helpful

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