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4 Signs Of A True Gentleman

After having a daughter earlier this year, I find myself eager to exemplify a version of a man she can truly admire. A man who can be her hero. A man who is a true gentleman.

After searching through several books and countless articles, I was left only with shallow examples and definitions lacking wisdom. Nobody else needs to hear that being a gentlemen is opening a door for your girlfriend.

A gentleman is a man who understands the value of another. His candor is compassionate, thoughtful, polite and brave. He is strong, anchored, and humble. He is a protector and provider.

He is a one who learns while maintaining respect for authority. He is well groomed, well planned, and well prepared. And most importantly, a true gentleman has maintained a good name.

In my limited bout of research, I found a few items which resonated with my heart. I have listed them below.

Disclaimer: This article is not anti-feminist nor aimed to make women feel they “need” a man. My intention is only to articulate a healthy definition of an honorable man.

4 Signs Of A True Gentlemen

1. He Puts All Women Before Himself
Being a gentlemen has no bounds of an intimate relationship. It is a badge a man should carry with him at all times. A true gentlemen treats his mother, sisters, female friends and all feminine acquaintances with admiration and regard. He is in constant search of ways to honor and uphold the value of his female counterpart. Whether through listening, defending or affirming, a true gentlemen is a source of strength to all women, not just the one he desires.

2. He Teaches A Women Her Value
In a world full of voices tearing women down, a gentlemen replaces lies with truth. He goes beyond merely telling her valuable words and simplistic compliments. He is deliberate and purposeful in his actions to restore emotional order in her heart and remind her to see how valuable she truly is.

3. His Confidence Is In Wisdom, Not Power
Too often, men believe that money or power or influence drive a woman's attraction. While a true gentlemen may attain these things, he is able to sustain his confidence even without them. Furthermore, he seeks out wisdom from those who have earned it and surrounds himself with leaders who have permission to speak into his life. A true gentleman is one who's mind is healthy and in constant alert for information that may distort what is truly important.

4. He Is Wise With His Finances
He who lacks the ability to manage his finances lacks the ability to manage a relationship. As many of you know, finance is an important component to every marriage. A man's personal finances are a great early detector of his ability to steward a future spouse or family. Does he make his money honorably? Does he have debt? Does he buy items outside of his pay grade to impress people? Does he hide or lie about money? What does he save for? Is he generous with others? These answers offer deep insight to the heart of man's true desires. As it says in the Bible, “where a man's treasure is, there his heart will be also.”

What do you see as signs of a “true gentleman”? Does my list fit in your definition?

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Comments

86 Responses

  1. I think you’re referring to that 1% of men out there today. Your 4 signs don’t even apply to every men. I know plenty of men who treat women with respect and not apply any of those signs. I know that some has 2 or 3 out of the 4 signs. You my friend are living in a dream world. It seems like you wrote this article to praise women maybe? Perhaps to kiss ass? And personally it makes me feel like you think women are worthless, like they can’t do any of that themselves and they need a man to do it. What about independent women? I’m sure independent women don’t need a man to do any of those things for her which makes your 4 signs irrelevant dude.

    1. If you think I view women as worthless, you did not even read the article. And clearly our definitions of respect are on opposite ends of the spectrum. You’re criticizing the article as if the 4 signs mentioned are actually a bad thing. If every man displayed at least 1 of those signs, our culture and our world would change dramatically. But our women are demoralized and made into sexual images by the media and our culture adopts those ideals as their own. Our men do not have proper examples of what comprises a true man, and your comment is unfortunately confirmation of that. And just because a woman is independent doesn’t mean she doesn’t need respect.

      1. I completely agree with you, Dale, except for one thing – women don’t need respect, women deserve respect as every human being.

          1. I don’t think women necessarily deserve respect. No one “deserves” respect. Respect is something you earn.

  2. I Really like your article an as a woman in today’s society reminds me that I should not settle for less, that I’m worth it..

  3. I take issue with number four. I fail to understand why you think that you need to have a bunch of money to be a gentleman. I come from a poor background. I work full time and I just barely have enough money to get by, but according to part four, I must be some sort of scoundrel because I’m poor.

    1. I think you’re reading too much into it. Number four doesn’t say that you have to be rich but that you should exercise wisdom with what you have. It’s not a sin to be poor or to be rich. Each has it’s own challenges and temptations. If your pay is little, do you practice contentment? Are you wise to pay what is necessary or do you spend foolishly and let debt snowball? These are the things I think Dale is getting at.

    2. I completely agree with David’s comment below. If you are a hard worker, then take pride in your work and your earnings. But you do also need to understand that security for a woman (mentally, emotionally, physically, financially) is EVERYTHING. I believe in my responsibility as a man to provide for my family, and that in turn gives my wife peace and security. It’s all about being wise in your financial decisions. Somehow, the more we make the more we spend – it’s like we train ourselves to be broke no matter how much we make. Read The Magic of Thinking Big and this will help you understand what I mean. On your side

  4. Numbers 2 & 3 are excellent. I take issue with number 1 & 4. Most men as most women have responsibilities in a relationship. Each relationship across the gender divide is unique and different. Few women today recognize a gentleman in their presence. Men today treat women so poorly that anytime we simply provide any respectful professional courtesy or conversation, women of all adult ages act and react as if we are trying to hook up, think we are a mama’s boy because we are not banging our chest or presume we are gay, simply because our mama raised us right. In #4, women want a man with money, but rarely do women get a gentleman if they did not work together as a team to make the money. The become kept trophies. The problem is that we are not educating children of any gender how to select an appropriate life partner. Teaching a child is managed with modeling experiences based on actual sit down discussion curriculum and lessons. Authenticity, charity, compassion, honesty, integrity & transparency would be better descriptors of a gentleman.

    1. Haha! You are right about the first part, sometimes being a gentleman can make women think you’re on to her. Use your discernment there. 😉 And I definitely agree with most of what you said, specifically the last two sentences. I think those are great things to *add to* the list above, but I would never take away those 4 things that I believe are truly important (and lacking in our society). Every relationship is different, and each marriage (specifically) should be 100/100 NOT 50/50 as commonly said. You can’t deny that a woman needs security in her finances and in her marriage – this is where financial wisdom comes in or it can wreak havoc and destroy even the strongest couples.

  5. I guess this does not apply for Women in India where the law is terribly in their favour. I know 50+ gentlemen in my friend circle of 200above where the guy is super nice and has got married to a disasterous female. Indian women abuse men and threaten them with court and law. If a man is good and woman is bad, the law here doesnt support the man. He has to pay half of his lifelong earnings to save himself from a bad woman and divorce takes 4-15 years. Plus social harrasment and image goes down becoz of that dirty woman who played mind games and spoilt the mans name in greed or so that she will get a nicer victim to torture after divorce in next marriage.

    1. Dear lady…you have a wrong picture of India from your so called friends…there might be bad women everywhere..that doesn’t happen only in India…
      India is a place where 80% of the women are still controlled by her husband or father…you have no idea of our situation here…I am an educated women working in a corporate…but I still can’t make even 40% of decisions which are my own….everything has to be approved by my hubby n his in laws

  6. Wow this is beautiful! SOME men do lack in these things (especially in guys my age group) and I think this respect comes with maturity as well as upbringing and so on. but it is what it is and I can only praise this guy for writing this article and I hope his daughter comes across a guy x10 more of a gentleman than what he hopes for (not that the above isn’t enough already) because for a father to want that for their daughter, he deserves everything back much more greater.

  7. Overall I like this list, but I do have to say number two seems a little strange to me. I don’t think it’s a terrible or evil idea. I simply don’t like the idea of a woman needing to have her value taught to her by someone else. Maybe it should be something more along the lines of “allow her to realize her own value.” It’s a pretty similar idea, but I’m just not crazy about some of the implications of number two as it is. I’m not saying you should refrain from loving and encouraging the women in your life, but it is not your job to show her value to her. It is your job to not keep her from knowing her value, and NEVER making her question her value in any way. I’m sorry, I hope I wasn’t too critical right there. I really do like this list overall, and I think it is good for all men (myself included) to work as hard as they can to be gentlemen.

    1. I think if you are with a healthy minded woman, she’ll know her value, despite society’s constant disrespect for people in general, and So following this guideline becomes more of an affirmation for her, not a requirement for her mental health. I feel, as a woman, I follow similar views on being a good woman. I want to build up my man but I won’t begin with a pile of rubble to build with, he should be confident and secure, so that I’m telling him what he already knows, showing my support. There are going to be days that we all need reminding of our worth, that standing against the mass is still the right thing to do, etc.
      Just my thoughts on how I thought it was meant.
      Cheryl

    2. But shouldn’t you grow together throughout a marriage? And in every aspect help each other till learn and grow, in everything not just values?

  8. I like your definitions and appauld your for expressing them so clearly. Now where can I find this man? 🙂

  9. I agree whole-heartedly! Women don’t get praised nearly enough for all they do! I believe in leaving notes of affirmation of why I love my woman. I send cards even if they live in the same town. I love to do anything which lets them know they were thought of while I was away from them.
    I have been single for nearly 14 years now and I see more and more women saying they want a man who is honest and has a great sense of humor. Well, they must want more than those two things because I have both of those and I am still single.
    Being a gentleman is giving your woman security. Security of Shelter, Food & Clothing, but also Security of Love and Kindness and knowing her needs come before mine. She needs to know the only way we will break up is if she wants to leave. She needs to know she is secure in life and protected whenever she is by my side. She needs to know there is no such thing as force or manipulation within our relationship.
    A woman needs to know she is the best thing ever to happen to her man and without her, his world would NOT be nearly as great! A woman needs to be told these things, but more importantly, SHE NEEDS TO BE SHOWN ALL THESE THINGS ARE TRUE!!!
    The relationships I’ve had in the past 14 years have only taught me to be a better man and I am very grateful for the gentleman I am today, even though my heart has paid dearly for those relationships. I know the only way for love to grow is to give it away and I have so much to give, it just bubbles out of me like a mountain spring.
    Keep up the good work and have all the fun you want…I will go make some more!!!
    Terry L. Thornock, 54, Idaho Falls, Idaho
    flyintango@yahoo.com
    P.S. Ladies, keep smiling and stay cute and sweet! Remember, if God didn’t want men to look at you, He never would have made you so blasted beautiful!!!

  10. I know I can’t make my husband be like this, is there anyway I can help him? And what if this is what I want out of a husband but it is not what he wants to be as a husband?

  11. I strongly disagree with number 2, re: teaching a woman her true value… that’s TOO much like “woman as extension of man.” No one else can teach you your own value, you have to learn that
    for yourself.

    1. Agree with Kate. Maybe “reaffirming” women, or people in general, of their value is a better way of putting it? Love the idea of uplifting others and reminding them of their worth, though! A beautiful human quality.

      1. I think that it is not so much saying that value comes from a man- but rather a woman’s value is reflected back to her through him. SHE has to know her own worth and value before that can happen. That’s just my 2 cents.

  12. I liked it… but I also agree with Kate. A gentleman should REMIND a woman of her value if she ever loses sight…

  13. This seems like a lot of “requirements” for a man.. *Not necessarily the headlines, but the paragraphs of specifics to go with them. Something about this rubs me the wrong way.

  14. I loved this article because you made a man’s intentions the focus, rather than traditional acts like opening a door. I love a man who will do those little things but I would admire and honor one who truly valued all women and strived to put his wife first and lead her toward a life of prosperity and spiritual growth.

  15. I read this article just killing time as I scrolled through pinterest. I found myself with tears rolling down my face. Not because it made me sad, but it hit me that the man I’m dating is this article. And I want to keep him.

  16. A good article. I would say to listen to a man’s language about women and their bodies.
    A man that refers to a woman’s breasts as “tits” is definitely NOT a respectful person towards women.

  17. I agreed with everything you stated here my dear friend, with the exepction that, in my opinion, a man should be all that you had mention in this article, not just with women, but, with all human being…no exception, everybody !!! Just my opinion.

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