The desire to be married and the desire to be single are both valid journeys. We shouldn't assume getting married is the right path for everyone. But in a recent study statistics show a majority of people would rather be coupled up than end up single in the years after 30.

I recently reviewed a book discussing the true characteristics of a man worth marrying. It's titled: Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough

Ultimately the concept suggests that women should consider “settling” for a man who satisfies her major needs but may not fulfill her laundry list of wants. She makes a great point about the qualities that make up a strong spouse and parent, are not necessarily the same which produce butterflies or physical desires.

Also Read: 4 Signs She's Worth Marrying

She discussed the misconception women have in the search for the perfect man. How they spend their 20's and 30's passing up 8's to hold out for a 10 (which doesn't exist). They then find themselves in their late 30's and early 40's settling with a 5 because that's all who is left. Pretty powerful concept.

First let me lay down a few rules:

  • Not all 4 may apply to you, but please appreciate that they could apply to others.
  • This is obviously an article for those who desire to be married, if that's not you, look at a few of my other articles. 🙂

4 Signs He's Worth Marrying

You share important core beliefs and values: 

This is number one for a reason. Connecting on a spiritual and emotional level is just as critical as the physical. To be frank, if you don't align on the things that truly matter, it's better to cut your losses now and start the search for the man who does.

You have fun together: 

Now we all have fun on the first 20 dates, but I'm referring to the hundred that follow. Are you able to laugh, have meaningful conversation, and truly enjoy each other for years to come? If so, you might have a keeper.

He's beyond honest: 

If you catch a scent of dishonesty, watch out! A man’s need to lie is a telling clue about his character and emotional health. It can indicate real insecurity, lack of integrity, or lack of moral standards. And if lying shows up consistently while dating, it’s possible to get worse during marriage. The flip-side: a man who consistently tells the truth is a man who doesn’t have something to hide. This is the type of guy worth marrying.

He fights fair (most of the time):

After being married for over 4 years now, I can tell you arguing is a part of every relationship. Of course there will be days where the both of you leave the house in a fit, but we must remember arguments should end with either an agreement, a compromise or a solution to move the relationship forward. But at the end of the day, he must fight fair – not getting angry with each disagreement, not always needing to get the last word in or dropping to the level of throwing insults in place of mature discussion. If your man can fight fair at least most of the time, it's a good sign he's worth marrying.

So where do you stand? Are you passing up 8's to snag a mythical 10? Are you shooting for the moon and not willing to land on a star? How did this article make you feel? Let me know in the comments below.


The Daily Positive Shop

Each item purchased provides 10 meals to families in need


-30%
-33%
-33%
-33%
-30%
-33%

307 thoughts on “4 Signs He’s Worth Marrying

  1. Usha Iyer says:

    When we got married, both of us had different ideals and goals, though the core values were the same. Communication failed after a few years and we had no fun then. He could lie through his teeth and I thought it would change. It did not! Every argument ended with me crying a great deal and he having a lot to say! All the signs of who one should not have married! I’ll share this with my daughters, so they are more careful!! Thanks so much!!

  2. Anni Roc says:

    While starting a “2nd life” it isn’t easy to change the inner program of the last 40 years: To take a real partner with these 4 and also more absolutely required qualities who mightly doesn’t look es good and hasn’t got that “status” in the world as an alpha male who turnes out later as a blank. Because such inner programs were written in childhood and usually have deep roots while butterflies are caused by the “bad” guys. But with patience and maybe with some therapy it looks doable and is absolutely worth it.

  3. joy stclaire says:

    Pay attention to someone who lies or makes excuses (they are all about themselves & not a team player). Get quiet & listen to your gut. I did not listen to my gut in my first marriage. Excellent post!

  4. Courtney says:

    I just want to say that “a 10” does exist. Not everyone is lucky enough to meet that guy, but I’m head over heels for a guy that I truly would not change one thing about…scouts honor. He possesses every quality I’ve ever wanted in a guy, treats me every bit as good as my dad does (which is something I live by when it comes to guys), and I would be proud to have a son exactly like him. That’s how I know he’s worth marrying. 🙂 we’ve been together for a year and a half and I know that a proposal isn’t too far away.

  5. Paulina says:

    years ago in high school I meet what I would call “the guy of my dreams” he was everything that I will, in later years, want in a guy to be.. or at least I though so; last year, after finally years or yes-no-maybe kinda relationship we tried to make it official, and thats when I should have known, because he wasn’t trying to be serious about it, he would known exactly what I needed to hear for me to fall over all again or him, no matter how much time he didn’t talked to me, no matter what he did to me.. in the end, he started dating another girl not even telling me anything, I was heartbroken and super sad, because I had been loving him for 10 years (I feel for him when I was 11, and he KNEW it).. that’s when I realised that he was not worth it, it took me a lot of suffer to finally realise that he was not worth it… now forward to this year, a month ago or so, a new guy started to show interest in me, and even if we have to be in a LDR he told me first thing that he want this to be a good relationship, that we need to respect each other, that we need to trust each other and keep open communication for this to work… and now I know that this is what a real relationship should be like, not shady and with months of not talking to each other

  6. Este says:

    After many guys I am blessed to have found the man that share my beliefs and respect my values. A man that I can laugh with till I cry….where I sometimes wonder how is it possible someone can be so honest that there are no grey areas and where we never have to fight. When we disagree, we discuss it, clear the air and look at each other more lovingly than before. I got myself a treasure. And yes, not everyone is so fortunate but I am grateful I met him. #blessed

  7. Angela Davis says:

    I have to tell you how important #1 is! I am an exception to the rule, but it has come at a cost. My husband attends services regularly, holds several positions in the leadership of his church, and even gives the sermon on occasion. I, on the other hand, do not go to church. I support my husband in everything that he does, and tell him I will go whenever he asks me to. There have been several discussions held about philosophical things in our house and we come to similar conclusions, but always agree to disagree on some. We have been married nine years in June and we love each other very much, however, I have shed some tears over feeling second to church, especially in the busy times of the year. When this happens I think it signals to my mister that I need some attention and he tries his best to oblige. We are, like I said above, the exception to the rule. For many couples this would be too large an obstacle to overcome, but when you find that right person, everything seems to work out.

    • Dale Partridge says:

      Wow Angela. What a tight rope… I hope your situation never makes you feel like it’s you or church. It’s likely you or “work”. Men are providers by nature and dedicated themselves there. Please do not ever feel his dedication to “church” is higher than his dedication to you. His dedication to “work” on the other hand, is possible.

  8. Kaylee says:

    My boyfriend and I were only together for four months before our relationship became a long distance relationship. We have been battling distance for one month and only have three more to go. We’ve had disagreements because we both just want to be together and I am the one going out, experiencing life while he is stuck back home. The few arguments we have had have been very fair until the last one, and each argument has led to a serious conversation about where we are going. Honestly, all of the four categories listed above fit us so well. I cannot wait to get back home to him so that we can move in together and move forward with our relationship. Thanks for sharing this article!

  9. JC says:

    And if you forsaken all of your #1 values for 10 years and married him anyway and made him center of your life…and #3 is an issue that really bothers you and has affected friend and family relationships…and you’re really no match for #4…and you’re not so sure that #2 is all that great anymore because the #2’s are downright crappy…what does that mean? Oh, let’s add 2 precious preschoolers into the mix–he is an excellent father. I’ve never been good with numbers but my heart is a little torn at the moment. What if I bank on a better 1-4 and end up with 0…maybe that is better?

    • Dale Partridge says:

      My wife and I have done lots of needed counseling and preventative or proactive counseling. I suggest you jump in the pool.

  10. Ember says:

    This opened my eyes!!
    I am a 29 year old woman with no children and I have never been married. I have always wanted both. I have been in a few serious relationships in the past and for one reason or another they never worked out. I recently have met a very nice man. He carries all of the above qualities! I find this truly amazing. However I find myself holding back because I haven’t felt butterflies and if I’m truly honest with myself a couple minor physical flaws (that can be fixed). So to read this post it really has opened my eyes. I know that this man will be very good to me and would satisfy my needs, especially the major ones. I have been telling myself “this is what I want, why am I so afraid?” I guess what I’m getting at here is that after reading this I kind of realize that its okay not to have a “10” because they truly don’t exist. And it’s not settling if they make you happy and treat you right. Who wants to be with someone who is a “10” if they treat you bad and don’t make you happy?

  11. Dylan says:

    I’m only 20 years old and I have already found someone who meets every one of these to a T!!! I am so beyond lucky! We’re not looking to get married anytime soon because we are still so young, but I can see us being together a long time and even through marriage one day. He’s out there ladies!! I had to go through some of the roughest years of my life with bad relationships until this one literally just fell in my lap. Don’t give up!

    • Dale Partridge says:

      My wife and I were married at 24 and 20. Don’t fear being married young. The best years of your life are your early years of marriage. Not your last years of being single. Our culture confuses this often. Happy for you Dylan.

  12. Rm says:

    I’m struggling with this now. My old bf had all those flashy “laundry list” qualities but was a horrible liar. My boyfriend now is an amazing incredible man with everything above! It’s just challenging reigning in my own shallowness and refocusing my mind on what is more important in life then the passionate ” perfect movie relationships” you’re spoon fed your whole life.

    • Dale Partridge says:

      I would read some healing books by Dr. John Townsend. We all need healing. The question is… will you do it?

  13. JB says:

    I recent became engaged to a man who I never would have picked out for myself five years ago. I was stuck in #2 believing that the only person who could possible work for me would be someone who shared all the same passions in life as I did including hobbies, music, education, etc., and therefore have fun doing the same things I do, I dated ‘that guy’ a lot and he always fell short on #3 and #4. My fiancé is a wonderful man with his own hobbies, interests, and life path thus far. They are often different than mine, but what is important is that he HAS them. Things can light up his imagination and keep his mind and body active, THAT is what has mattered, not necessarily that we match.

  14. Mia says:

    Yeah….so…Dale! I have been married for 14yrs now, and I am going to pretend I never read this Wise Counsel (if I didn’t become a Jesus Freak, I would have freakin’ LEFT)…*sucking my thumb now*…Please Pray for me…us…ME…oooops I just forgot…I CAN DO ALL THINGS THROUGH CHRIST WHO GIVES ME STRENTGH….*bunny yawn*…nighty night…

  15. mello says:

    Are women that stupid in this country that they cannot figure these basic things out by the time they are 21? Sad

    • Dale Partridge says:

      Our culture has driven both men and women into way of thinking which is not aligned with how we were designed to live. There is a reason we can have babies at 15. I’m not saying we should but we’re drifting away from our design and it’s causing problems for many people.

  16. Stephanie says:

    Right on and succinct! When I started to get to know my Mr. Right, I remember thinking, I really should be dating someone like him…. our core-values are completely aligned, we have fun together, and he is genuinely a good man. Three children and 8 wedding anniversaries later, and we are now even bette for each other.

  17. Lou-anne Stefankiw says:

    I find it interesting that this article is directed towards just woman. I would say the same applies for men. I am divorced and 30 and have been on some dates with some great men. It is so different that at 20! I think everyone wants the butterflies, but it is different at 30. We are much more cautious and have life experience that guards us, versus in our 20s when there were not any kind of barriers. I find that everyone expects the feelings to be the same as in the 20s, and they are not. It takes time to get to know someone, and realizing if you are a good match is found in being able to be open and honest (as you have suggested). Great article, thank-you for bringing light to the subject 🙂

  18. Anonymous in Africa says:

    Um… baloney. I dated a couple of those 8’s because of this nonsense… thinking maybe I should give them a chance and I was being too harsh and my standards were too high. And you know what they were? Boys. Not men. Boys. Then… I met my 10. So, respectfully, I disagree. If you settle, just ensure you’re not going to regret that settling. I almost settled twice. But then… something beautiful happened when I wasn’t looking and wasn’t interested. And he far surpassed all those before him, and still fits all 4 of these “signs”.

  19. Jess says:

    I really like your article although i have to disagree with you when you say there is no such thing as a perfect 10…unless Ive snagged the only one left in the world!! As soon as I read each of the headings in this article I immediately thought of my fiance!! I guess Im just super lucky since im a 20something that picked the right guy the first time 🙂

  20. jjvoll says:

    Hi Dale, Great list! I was married for seven years, and then widowed at 30. I’m now 36, and still single. I’ve been ready to date seriously and remarry for quite some time- or so I’ve thought. Your post had made me realize that I’ve been going for 4s, 5s or 6s, not because there’s, “no one left”, but because I’ve possibly been protecting myself or purposely holding myself back. I’m forever grateful for your post, and the insight it’s given me!

  21. KKB says:

    I love your articles! I’m only 18 but I’ve had a boyfriend for over a year now and he is perfect for me and this article just reinforced that idea. Keep writing it makes me happy 🙂

  22. Kat Slifer says:

    I’m struggling with this right now. I’ve been with my boyfriend for four years. We were together for three and broke up because he treated me poorly. After 9 months, he begged me back, insisting he had changed, and for the most part, much has changed. I know we love each other, but it’s #1 that keeps making me think that this isn’t going to work. Just an example, I have a wedding to go to in July, something I am so over the moon excited about, and he refuses to go with me. He says he hates weddings and will never go to them. I feel like if I have a life with him, I will always be alone. I’ll be alone at every event. I’ll be alone any time there is something I want to do (he refuses to go to museums or plays and if he does go, he always happens to go out the night before so he is hung over during it) and it’s frustrating. I keep asking myself if love is enough? I don’t know that loving him as much as I do is going to make this relationship work. I just don’t know what to do and every time I try to talk to him, we fight and he yells and I back down. I just don’t know anymore.

    • Fuller says:

      Love isn’t enough. You have a long-term happiness to look after. Love will eventually fade if u are unhappy. With this said, u know what to do. Good luck!

    • Jordan says:

      Kat, I can promise you that somehow, being single is far less lonely than being with someone and still feeling alone. Love is a verb, not an emotion. I pray you can find someone who will love you with their actions and beliefs before they can love you with their heart.

      • Guestie says:

        That fundamentalist philosophy “love is a verb, not an emotion” is like saying “fireworks are only gunpowder”. It’s the flame that gives the gunpowder meaning, and vice versa. Love happens where the verb INTERSECTS the emotion, not where it operates independently of it.

    • Ed says:

      So, how’s all that working for you. He has told so many people how bored he is and i keep being told how unhappy he looks. Good for you! You got what you wanted though didn’t you. He’s not drinking I thought you were helping him with that… oh, that’s right it’s you and Patty with the liquor issue. The man has not changed just because he has you… he is the same man he always has been. love is not enough.

      • KL says:

        Since I actually only know one person named Patty and she is my friend’s mother (neither of us have a liquor problem by the way), I am clearly not the person you think I am. However, thank you for the insight.

    • A friend says:

      There are many, many red flags here. I would encourage you to go with the instincts you had the first time and end this relationship. The sooner the better. God cannot bring that new person into your life while you are still hanging on to the old, toxic one. Let go, be strong, and move forward . It may be hard for a while, but You will be glad you did.

  23. R says:

    I love this article! My husband and I married almost 24 years ago. We were barely 19 and had already been together for 5 years when we married. Although I would say that he isn’t a 10, neither am I. I knew when I met him that we were perfect for each other.

    • Elisa says:

      The moon is big and bright and beautiful. If you land among the stars, big balls of gas, suns essentially, where you’ll burn up, that’s the second best thing to the moon. It’s not about distance.

  24. A guy says:

    In my late 20s Dating a 5 now…she’s fantastic, but the attraction is really an issue for me. What should I do? I don’t want to get married for the wrong reasons (I’m concerned I won’t find anyone), but also don’t want to hurt anyone/start over, or lose such an awesome person. Help.

  25. John Doe says:

    Yes! i will not settle and i will go for the best. i will shoot and miss. then get back up to do it all over again just like how the sun appears every morning. until i get it right. it’s a beautiful challenge and life is a beautiful journey. if you deserve it then reach for it. if not this life, then next life. however, any decision is either good, better or great. most importantly every decision is positive! dont regret. goodluck and god bless.

  26. mckenzie says:

    this is sooo right on …I was in an awful relationship where I was defiantly settling for a 2 or even probably a 1…and mind you I am in my early 20s…now that I am out of that situation and have ended up coming out not clean but with a baby..I look back and praise god that I didn’t settle for a man like that…because I am now with a man that meets all these requirements and its an amazing feeling..he is a man that was defiantly waiting for me and I chose to veer off into another direction but thankfully god is a sovereign god and will forgive you for your worldly actions and desires..he still led me to a man that has all the potential of a man that loves god and loves me!!! GOD IS GREAT AND FINDING THAT MAN THAT LOVES HIM first is the right kind of man!!..and then loves you…GIRL YOU WILL BE SOOO BLESSED trust me!!! me and my daughter are sooo BLESSED

  27. Ruby says:

    I’m going to offer a slightly different perspective here. I completely agree with your article. I see SO many couples around me that are divorcing lately and it breaks my heart. I’m 43, still single…never married. I would like to be someday, but let me say. It’s not life-ending that I’m not. I’ve had several serious relationships, a couple engagements and let me say the things that kept me from walking down the aisle boiled down to at least one of these four qualities listed here that my fiancees didn’t possess (#3 being the biggie) and I know I dodged potential land mines by breaking it off. I guess what I’m saying is basically don’t settle thinking your life will be miserable if you don’t get married by the time you’re 25, or 30 or whatever. Keep looking for that guy that fits these qualities. He’s out there. I’m seeing someone now that meets all of these perfectly..so, who knows? 🙂

  28. Wilma says:

    Very true
    I had a man who did most/all of these things. We were best friends but distance (he went back to another continent after UNI) tore us appart. We were together 5 years. I couldn’t follow him unfortunately.
    Then I started seeing someone else eventually, he was the complete opposite. Physically and in personality. We had fun and could laugh easily and talk intellectually, but I kept catching him out on lies and he could never let an argument drop to allow things to calm down. I became insensed with frustration at him
    I do hope I find someone who has the qualities of the guy who had no choice but to go back. But a good heart is hard to find, no matter how kind you are to others.

  29. Guestie says:

    Forget the comments made in the blog post.

    I question (and do not accept) the blog post’s premise:

    That men are always in need of evaluation as to whether they are suitable as men.

    These kinds of thoughts, in various forms, appear all over our culture.

    For instance:

    At a men’s conference, we are told we need to be responsible.
    At a women’s conference, they are told they need to be pampered.

    On Father’s Day, men are challenged.
    On Mother’s Day, women are celebrated.

    At work, men are told “make sure the employer gets an honest day’s work.”
    At work, women are told they can come and go as they please, allowed to leave for however many months or years they want (their job will still be protected), given extended bathroom stays, allowed to call in late or sick for “women’s issues”, worshipped while pregnant, afforded tons of latitudes men would never receive in the same or similar situation (paternity, etc).

    In society, men are chided, as we assume men don’t take care of their health.
    In society, women are babied and cared for about their health — DESPITE the ironic fact that, hello McFly, *WOMEN* are the ones with the longer lifespans. Susan G. Komen pink deco is everywhere, from pro athlete uniforms to pink-drenched purifiedwater-delivery trucks, so on and so forth. Bottom line: Women’s health is EVERYWHERE: tv, radio, internet, newspaper, magazines, billboards, flyers, yada yada yada!!!! Where is the push for men’s health in comparison? Save the Ta-Tas? What about Save The Testes!!!

    I’m sorry, but the blog is flawed — because of the premise behind it. As though men are sorry creatures who need to measure up to the standards set for them by women as opposed to a man just being a man because of the God in Whose image that man was created.

    We men are put on this earth through God’s power, for God’s pleasure, by God’s purpose.

    All things were made by Him; and without Him was not anything made that was made. And he is before all things, and by him all things consist. For He has created all things, and for His pleasure they are and were created.

    (Colossians 1:17; John 1:3; Revelation 4:11)

    • Ruby says:

      Wow…you seem a little angry. You say the blog’s premise is that men are always in need of evaluation, etc. You do know that Dale Partridge wrote a counterpart to this blog titled ‘4 Signs She’s Worth Marrying’. So, it’s not just men that are being singled out here. Also, I don’t know where you work, but at no place I’ve ever worked have I been able to come and go as I please and not expected to get in an honest day’s work without losing my job. While I agree men were put on this earth through God’s power and made in His image….but, so were women.

      • Guestie says:

        Ruby, first of all, to respond to your first comment:

        It’s not anger you’re seeing. For a second, let’s pretend for the sake of argument that I was angry. Does that change the salinity of my comments? But I digress…

        Of COURSE women are also made in God’s image! In His image created He Him; male and female created He them. (Genesis 5:1,2)

        Actually, far from being anger, these are my honest observations. The underlying premise fed to us by society is that a man needs a woman (or society at large) to evaluate his worthiness as a man.

        Ruby, do you watch television?

        Have you seen how men are portrayed as idiots? as making a woman look really good because he’s really bad, dumb, useless or just in general need of a woman’s correction?

        And what of the other examples I cited?

        Again, not angry.

        • Ruby says:

          No, I’m sorry I don’t see that. We must not watch the same television .And your original post did say ‘We MEN were put on this earth..’, no mention of women…you understand my confusion there. You’re talking about men being held to standards by women when they have held us to their ‘standards’ for decades. So, you’ll have to forgive me if I don’t have much sympathy.

    • sd says:

      First of all, your comment really has nothing to do with the post. He is talking about beliefs and values, being honest, having fun, and being fair, which you talk nothing about. And nowhere does he try to say men have to measure up to our standards. What about the “standards” men have set for us?

      I’m not sure what world you live in, but I have never once been told i “need to be pampered”. Or seen how a man has been “challenged on fathers day” and not celebrated. I’ve never been allowed to come and go as i please at work. Next i’d like to point out the fact that you say “WOMEN” have longer life spans.That is because we take time for our health, where men tend to sweep everything under the rug, just like you said… Maybe you take care of yourself, but most men don’t. (I’m all about saving the testes) but you can’t make a guy go to the DR. My husband has not been to the DR by his own will in 4 years, and not once by mine. So it is up to you men to turn that stereotype around, there’s a challenge.

      At any rate you get back what you put out in the world, I know i am happy and healthy and in a great marriage, weather or not my man measures up to these 4 rules.

      • Guestie says:

        First of all, my comment really was not designed to address the post, but the underlying assumptive premise BEHIND that post.

        Just writing out of the life’s experience I have had since the early 70’s.

        Just as you write from your own experiences. We all have seen many differing and various scenarios in the world.

        • sd says:

          I can respect that that is your opinion, and i hope that you can do the same for mine. I still don’t understand how you know the assumptive premise behind the post, as you are assuming what the writer was thinking, unless you are referring to the word “Worth”. Which i think is a silly word, but probably used for lack of a better word. If that is the case then,sure, I can understand where you are coming from.Anyway that is what it is, i’m not worried about it.

          There are many women who commented similarly to you on the post about 4 signs a woman is worth of marrying. I do not agree with them either, talking about stereotypes and how unfair it is to be a woman blah blah… I think both sexes have standards, and i don’t think it’s a bad thing. You just need to find the person who thinks the same way you do. That is the #1 point on both of the lists. I think all qualities in both posts should also apply to the opposite sex, and everyone has a right to be picky about the person they choose to be with. That is all i have to say 🙂

  30. Vivie says:

    I’ve got to say that those simple 4 reasons are a solid base for a relationship. How do I know that ? I’m glad you asked 🙂 . I’m not married (and no longer in a relationship) but the reason why I’m not is because those very reasons mentioned above, were just not in the relationship. If they were… who knows ? I’d probably expect my first child HAHAHA. Oh well, I guess I’m moving my relation “Ship” onto another sea. Might find better fish 😉

  31. nat says:

    Hey,
    This article was just want i needed to make me see why my fears about marriage and children’s scared me with a recent ex. As in love as I was, I knew deep down he wasn’t for me, but was scared that I was just being picky. The reality is I haven’t found my 8, 9 or 10, or even encountered them!

    This article was something I needed to stumble upon!

  32. Lab says:

    I have found that man! He accepts me as I am and loves me as I am. He fulfills the 4 categories listed. I am blessed!

  33. Jennifer Whitfield says:

    I think it’s bold to write from a woman’s perspective Dale! I agree with you that shared values are important. Arab cultures would agree with you, too. The key ingredient to love (for me anyway) is good conversation.

  34. Jessica says:

    Based from my personal experience, I have to say all 4 signs are pivotal and rings true of the qualities of a real man which I’m attracted to, if he possess those traits. Personally, for me, #1,4 and 3 are crucial, however, #2 is also quite important, but it doesn’t necessary weigh so much on a man’s character while the other 3 is. The last guy I dated lacks the 3 I desire the most, so it wasn’t a bad idea for me to cut my losses same move on to someone way better and suitable for me. I can tolerate a lot of things, but lack or integrity, maturity and not fighting fair, is not cool, since I do not tolerate disrespect in any form or and behaviors for that matter. I know I’m worth more than that than to deal with someone who doesn’t fight fair and act like an adult. This article could not have been more true. Thanks the post!:)

    • Grant Sheppard says:

      Though i understand you’re intentions i want to state that Jesus wants you to have somebody! Don’t keep waiting, start dating!

  35. Ellinor says:

    It took me a lot of time, but I finally found my 10! But in order to do that, I made a list of what I really wanted to find in a man (kindness, gentle soul, even temper) and I asked friends if they had someone in mind who’d fit the bill. One did! almost 4 years now, and a baby on the way 🙂 So it’s worth waiting for your 10, but make sure you know what you want!

  36. Emma says:

    Wish this list mirrored what you wrote for men looking for a wife. Ladies don’t settle for a man who’s selfish, disrespects you or others, who’s not supportive, encouraging, or loves well. Make sure he’s responsible, mature, not jealous or controlling. You don’t want an abuser for a husband. I’d he has low self esteem, he will mistreat you. God told men to lay down and die for their wives, sacrificial love.

    • Grant Sheppard says:

      You cant control a man’s behavior but you can control yours. If you are being abused, leave! God told men to lay down and die if the wives are worth it!

  37. Emma says:

    I wanted to add I have numerous girlfriends who settled and every one is in a loveless marriage. They are treated horribly; like the maid, someone just to meet physical needs, or they are the verbal punching bag. Don’t settle!!! Maybe on some little things you may need to be open, but for character, morals, beliefs, and love (does the person out others first)…do not settle. It’s better to be single and miserable than married and miserable. Don’t marry a man you wouldn’t want a son just like or your daughter to marry someone like him. It’s not worth it!

    • American Girl says:

      Perhaps they simply settled for the wrong reasons. Settling for a handsome, wealthy man who has no moral values will surely make any wife miserable.

    • Amy says:

      It sounds like they settled for 5s not 8s, and maybe have self esteem issues. Also you can’t rely on the other person to be perfect and know what you want. I live with my boyfriend and I’ve already split the chores and try to encourage mutual respect. He knows he won’t be marrying a housekeeper! If anything I wear the trousers so I work on myself to rein it in and make sure I keep him as happy as he makes me.

    • Grant Sheppard says:

      (It’s better to be single and miserable than married and miserable.) Both options would still leave one miserable! Try being happy 1st, cause if one’s not how can one expect to be happy with someone else.

  38. Eunice says:

    This author makes valid and interesting points, but I have a suggestion. Both 4 signs hes worth marrying and 4 signs shes worth marrying should be combined and retitled to be 8 signs they’re worth marrying. I believe that all of these traits combined would make a great wife or husband. And to add equal maturity as well.

  39. delicate_dream says:

    I don’t find these a definitive 4, as a woman.

    #1 is good – core values, yes.

    #2 should be “connection”. This goes beyond “fun” but includes a deeper emotional rapport as well as a romantic dynamic – what distinguishes you from a male friend as romantic partner. This is often what men neglect once comfortably committed & what makes the woman lose attraction & desire for him.

    #3 is too specific. I don’t think honesty is a male/female issue. There are liars in both genders & as a woman I have not found this an issue in dating. From a Christian perspective, a point on this list needs to be – He VALUES you, highly. The Bible instructs husbands to honor, cherish, & love their wives. This can be boiled down to a valuing of her intrinsically, for who she is as a whole, complex human being.

    A lot of negative reaction to traditional marriage roles from women is because of their association with treating women as property & valuing women mainly for functions they perform. It ignored that women are individuals with their own identities & traits outside of wife & mother roles. When a woman marries, the danger of losing her personal identity & individual significance is much higher for her than for the man. This is why it’s important that the loving & valuing & honoring from him is towards her as a person & not just her in relation to him (ie. what she does for him, how she makes him feel, but rather, WHO she is).

    This also includes making her feel her significance to you, stemming from recognition/appreciation of her significance to you personally & the innate significance mentioned above.

    Women like attention & affection outside of sex because it signifies their significance to someone.

    Taking her perspective, thoughts, opinions, ideas & feelings as valid & into consideration is a part of this also. As God told Abraham regarding Sarah, “Listen to her voice.”

    #4 He cares for your spiritual, emotional, physical, & sexual needs as his own. This includes following the self-sacrificing spirit Jesus left as an example.

    Oh, and I really don’t understand how women are generally acknowledged as more visual in most areas – fashion, decorating, atmosphere – yet in the realm of romance we’re suddenly not supposed to care about looks. Physical attraction is important for a woman in a relationship also. I appreciate the author’s use of the word “captivating” as implies more than just sheer aesthetic appeal. But this applies for women also.

    There’s some implication here that women are too picky. I do not see this. Especially in religious spheres, I see men having the “pick” because there are less single men who desire to marry than single women. They won’t pursue women, which signals not being able to fulfill points #3 & #4 (signal her value & be the head with ego aside).

  40. peacefulwisteria says:

    It’s hard when women grow up being told and seeing in movies and hearing in songs about a type of love that doesn’t exist. Sometimes it takes time for us to learn that what we thought we should be looking for isn’t what will make us happy. I grew up with a real fear of “settling” and I truly believed I was doing the right thing by waiting for the right guy. Then suddenly it seems people start saying that we were wrong all along and that we should know that there is no “10”. It can be confusing to hear many different messages. It’s impossible for us all to never make mistakes so I can no longer make that my goal. All I can do is get to know myself well and try my best in life. There are things we can control and navigate in life and there are things that are completely unexpected. Ahh and that is life.

  41. peacefulwisteria says:

    I also would not want to instill fear with the idea that those who were waiting for Mr right end up settling for a 5 because that’s all that is left. Holding on to the idea of scarcity will not allow for all the great things that can come no matter what age you are!

  42. Bina says:

    I love these points. They make sense. Actually I had an idea but it’s good to read this article as a confirmation for me. I hope I will be honest to myself when get to know someone one day and fall for emotions too easily until it’s too late. Thank you!

  43. strongheartlife says:

    I would even like to add that he’s supportive. I have had a few relationships where success was centered around him and his job. Now, I have somebody who is not threatened by my drive for achieving something of my own. We support each other when it comes to work and help each other when it comes to house chores. A man who treats his woman as an equal is a rare gem — keep him.

    • Cyndi says:

      Absolutely!! If not, your life will be all about his needs & his goals! Eventually, he will suck the life out of you!!

  44. Brandi says:

    I agree with this article! Based solely on this I’m with the man I should marry! Especially in relation to having fun together!!!

  45. PunkinluvsElvis says:

    My guy has 3 out of 4 including #1. Made me fee better about sticking with him all these years with all his warts

  46. Secret says:

    My husband is, well, let’s just say he’s not a big fan of cleaning. He never puts things back, and sometimes (although very intelligent) doesn’t use his brain. But he definitely fits these four traits and more. He’s an AWESOME dad and is very handsome, sweet, and smart. He constantly reminds me why he’s the one for me! 🙂 wonderful article! It’s more confirmation for me.

  47. American Girl says:

    I completely agree. There “perfect man” (or woman) is definitely not a reality. I had sense enough to know this when I was young and still dating. I’ve been happily married for 10 years but together for 19 with my “Mr. Good Enough.” He may not be 6′ 2′, wealthy or a college graduate (3 of my former top 5 attributes for the perfect man), but he’s handsome, a wonderful dad and very intelligent. Great article!

  48. S Girl says:

    The 10 is out there. I found it. Our perfect match is always out there but finding it is the issue. U could be oceans away from each or just around the corner, a person you see everyday or someone you’ve never met. If there’s a 5 & a 8. There’s definitely a 10! It’s just the luck of the draw finding it. I found it. A 10 in all areas and he feels the same about me. Compatibility off the charts in all areas. Oh yea, and we still argue but only for a resolution. Never as a means to an end.

  49. Kristen M says:

    I have my perfect man! An i know it even before i read this. I feel like no man is perfect but you need to find one that just flows in to your life doesnt change it or make it crazy. Just fits in with your family and friends and knows everything that makes you happy an laugh because when your in the dumps he does the most stupidest thing he can think of to just see you smile and get a giggle out of you. When he doesnt know what to say or do when you are going through a tough time an you feel helpless and dont know what to do but cry he holds you tight and says baby i love you and whatever you want to do i am here and will take you. He shows up with something you really like to have from your favorite bakery even if its out of the way just to see your suprised happy face and to get that one extra kiss and hug so now he gets 101 kisses. You also always feel so excited to see him i still have my butterflys and am so attracted to him i felt my sparks, click, just such a connection he also said he felt that thats how he knew!!!

  50. TC says:

    I believe that there is the perfect someone for everyone. If you are looking at the scale which runs from 1 to 10, there are males who are 1s and females who are 1s as well. I may be an 8 and so my 8 is somewhere. However it doesn’t work if you are a 3 and you go with a 7. God has spritually married individuals together. If you do not marry the individual which was picked for you by God then it won’t work. God designed everything and we should leave the match making up to him and not ourselves. The most important thing is to have a relationship with him and he will lead you to the right person who should have a relationship with him as well and GOD will be the adhesive which will hold the relationship (Marriage) together. Love and Peace and God’s blessings.

    • J says:

      I don’t believe God labels people from 1 to 10, I think we’re all a 10 to him… 😉 And if he doesn’t, then why should we?

    • Justin says:

      I don’t think we worship a cosmic matchmaker. Life is a lot bigger than marriage. God is, too.

  51. NMNovillo says:

    MEH! I’ve sent 10s back home for one simple reason – they weren’t for me. Plain & Simple. And the only reason I’m referring to them as a 10 is because they fit the “standards” of what woman are checking off their list. From someone who has dated high and low, passing up all sorts of scorecards/alphabet ratings/boy scout badges/winning lotto numbers/trophy men/mirages & frauds let me explain something to you… There is no scale. Different things suit different needs and none of us have the same reasons to love. You marry the one that doesn’t make you measure. Because when someone is truly for you it will be so natural doubts won’t exist. There is no settling when your heart surrenders.

    • "V" says:

      You hit the nail on the head with this comment. This is exactly the right idea. People always want to treat love like it’s some kind of life plan. Like going to school or looking for a job. Then when things don’t go as planned, they freak out or abandon their little love project. True love actually is blind and it’s unconditional. There is no magic equation or formula. It’s either there or it’s not, period. If you have to make lists, plans, and constant analyzing, then it’s not love.

  52. BreAnna says:

    I never realized that I had “10’s” in mind when I was dating…I just sort of dated, found he wasn’t for me, and then broke it off…which in turn broke the friendship that was barely there to begin with. Now, I have pushed those numbers aside and WAITED. I have a man in my life who is worth marrying, even without reading this article. What I did find when reading this article was how I need to be the WOMAN worth marrying and I don’t fit a couple of those 4 points. I realized I have to work at and pray for opportunities where I can be more honest and be able to fight fair. Those are very convicting for me and knowing that I share both points of 1 and 2 with the man I am dating, I personally need to take what I have learned here and apply it to my behavior because this list could work both ways. Thank you for posting this.

  53. SKF says:

    I like NMNovillo’s comments. Love isn’t a practical matter. Although you should try to be reluctant if there are red flags, I have to feel that thing for someone or else what’s the point. The article is great, but speaking personally, there is someone who fits the bill, who some may consider a “10” — good looking, makes good money, successful, I enjoy his company but I have no desire to be with him intimately… the spark has to be there.

  54. 7man says:

    Translation: “I am a good man and an 8, I am a good provider,a nice guy and women rejected me for no good reason.”

  55. 7man says:

    “Tingles” (biological attraction) is way way more critical and foundational than these 4 rational excuses for him being a good man. Don’t confuse tingles with infatuation to trivialize it.
    A man that has those 4 important traits that continues to trigger her sexual desire is way better. This has less to do with his qualities than it does with his biology. So why should a woman not seek a man that she both tingles for and she admires?
    He will be confident in his worth rather than having to keep proving his worth to her.

    • Confused says:

      Thank you!!! Chemistry has always been so important to me but been thinking about foregoing it for the most wonderful guy who I don’t desire. Family n friends n I think I’m crazy but neither prayer nor time has grown my desire for him physically.

  56. Marcela says:

    The problem is, how do you actually “settle”, if it feels like settling I don’t think it’s possible, really. It would feel like trying to force things, or even like lying to yourself… I’ve never really understood how people can claim to have settled. So maybe I have passed up a lot of 8s. But I don’t think I could have acted differently…

  57. Michelle says:

    I had all of those at the start of my 13 yr relationship unfortunately abuse developed which just consistently got worse. People that are perfect on paper arent always that way. People also change over time. There is no perfect formula to get the perfect partner in my experience. Things people don’t usually pay attention to is what they contribute to the relationship being too submissive and giving more then your partner can lead to them no longer respecting you and abusing you.

  58. AmyB17 says:

    Why is everyone attacking this man? If your married or in a relationship you would find this article has relevance and may not be for everyone. You would also find some conviction whether male or female. A woman trying to find the perfect man, what about a man trying to find the perfect woman? Hes just shedding light on his experiences that have led him to the man he is today. So who are any of you to judge his journey and what has helped him in his marriage? Everyone has their own journey so lean on the side of understanding and faith because Im sure you all have your own perspectives on what “love” is!

  59. Jesik says:

    It’s very truthful what you are stating here. Is hard in your mid 30s to find a partner who shares most of your values but never lose hope, there’s a hidden gem out there waiting to be discovered 🙂

  60. Justin says:

    I think a lot of people can find these four traits in me, but I would still warn them to think twice about me. I’m just kind of lazy, that’s all.

  61. Princess says:

    This makes me wonder if that’s what I’m doing… My partner is kind, considerate, thoughtful, adores me and my daughter, helps me around the house and at work, spends quality time with me, compromises every argument, tells all his family and friends regularly how wonderful I am, and tells me every day how amazing he thinks me. He can be immature at times, or not always do what I’ve asked straight away, but he’s clearly head over heels while I’m asking myself, what if it’s not right? What if he’s not ‘the one’, or I get bored, or someone else comes along? Is this just jitters about something as big as marriage? Am I ‘passing up an 8 to search for a 10? Should I be grateful I’m with a man I can happily live with, have fun with, am very attracted too and care for a lot, and who worships me?

    • Abigail says:

      Read your last sentence again, hon. I think you’ve answered your own question. A right relationship doesn’t mean you’re never bored or have off days or feel blah about him, yourself or the relationship. It means that you’ve found someone that has the love, character and commitment to you (and he has found the same in you) that you’ll have what it takes to build & maintain a life together. If you have the right ingredients in your recipe, the cake will be great.

    • Grant Sheppard says:

      STOP IN YOU’RE PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS AND JUST BE HAPPY! Read you’re own comment!
      You are happy but are doubting you’re own happiness. Need i say more!

  62. Tara Erica says:

    This is such a great (short) list. All too often I see lists of 25 indicators that he’s “a keeper”, many of which are either contradictory or conditional upon certain circumstances that may never warrant the reaction he’s supposed to give. I’m also tired of seeing “He’s sexy” or “He’s hot” as an item. Looks fade; the four indicators above should last for close to a lifetime (with an asterisk, of course). Kudos for possibly the best list I’ve seen.

  63. Britt09 says:

    My man doesn’t exactly see eye to eye on our future and after 3 and a half years I think he should should by now??? Should I be concerned?

    • Raccoon1 says:

      If it’s not right after this long, let him go. I was in a relationship about that long, kept holding on. Finally let go, it is hard, be prepared. But just go have fun and don’t look for a man. The right one will come along when you least expect it. Mine did

    • Dale Partridge says:

      If you are married, then stay committed and work through things. If you’re not married, then you have to ask yourself if what you don’t see eye to eye on is a deal-breaker. Be HONEST with yourself, and strong enough to act on your answer.

      • Grant Sheppard says:

        So only if one is married should he or she commit to resolving issues? Or should one be committed in any relationship?

  64. Bee Grace says:

    This is very informative. I was beginning to think it was me & I was giving away “boys” for no real reason. Lately I have been completely happy being single & now I see not one guy I’ve dated has anything worry marrying, which is probably why it never works out. Not one guy I have dated has any of these qualities on the list. Now I need to figure out how to pick them better. I can’t help but wonder if it is these guys I’m choosing? My choosing, my fault, not the guys fault for being incompatible…

    • Dale Partridge says:

      I’m not sure how to answer that! Only you can decide if the guys you are dating are not good choices to begin with. But keep trying! Put yourself out there. The right person will appreciate you for YOU.

    • Grant Sheppard says:

      As long as you keep a qualities list you will not find him. You talk about ” picking them better “! It ain’t no meat market. What are you’re qualities? What do you have to offer? Often we are to busy working out what we want from the other. Love doesn’t have any rules!

  65. Been says:

    I believe I have found such a man very recently. I love talking to him. I love being with him. I can’t wait to see where this may lead us…..

  66. tooConfusedtoCommit says:

    What if I’ve found a 10, but am anxious over not knowing if there’s another 10 or a 10+ out there?

    • Dale Partridge says:

      Sometimes what you’re looking for is right in front of you. But if you are second guessing yourself, then maybe what’s in front of you isn’t actually a 10.

      • Confused says:

        Ok everybody, all sincere opinions welcome!! Help. I am friends with a man who is everything to me that every woman wants on the inside. However I have spent years trying and praying to be attracted to him. He is in love with me and chivalrous n caring n strong and a man of God. But I don’t desire him. I’m still in my 30s and had been engaged etc with someone id been w for 3 yrs n my attraction never wavered not did my in love feeling. With this great, loving man, I have neither. But a very strong friendship n he constantly wants more. I am scared to pass up this one in a million guy n know he deserves someone who really desires him physically but he’s stuck on me.

  67. notyourbusiness says:

    You are writing this kind of advice after being married for over 4 years…OVER FOUR YEARS! Big deal. Someone with decades more experience should be giving advice, not you.

    • Dale Partridge says:

      Ha I’m not sure what has made you so hostile, but you have no idea the things my 4 year marriage has been through. You are being very judgmental and assuming you know, and you don’t. How do you know someone with a 10 or 20 year marriage has learned anything at all? How do you know someone who’s been through 25 years of marriage hasn’t slept in different beds for 10 years, or that they aren’t having secret affairs or that there is still love there? The number of years is not a direct correlation with experience. #itismybusiness

      • Grant Sheppard says:

        Still you act as if you’re, over 4 years marriage, is experience enough to give others advice. You assume the man or woman is hostile while he or she is just expressing a opinion. Who is being judgmental here and quite hostile? To quote you’re own words: The number of years is not a direct correlation with experience.

      • Barbara V says:

        I agree with you Dale: and 4 years marriage means, some monthes, years before with dating, engagement and so on. So the relationship is not 4 years. The marriage is 4 years.

      • Tess says:

        Might I add, with every generation, values change as well. A healthy, fresh, four year relationship will have a lot more relevance to a new relationship, today, than a relationship that began in the days before many civil rights laws were enacted.

  68. rosina says:

    I wonder why people assume the reason a woman is single into her 30s and 40s is because she wanted a 10. And that the only thing left are 5s when she is “older” This thinking or myth is not very positive. And is not accurate. We all have different paths and not everthing works out in a perfect formula.

  69. Matty says:

    I think your points are right on! And I have been married for THIRTY four years! He’s my 10, though he might be someone else’s 8 :/

  70. zee says:

    I have a guy friend whom i recently discovered that i’m inlove with…even before I read this article I knew that he was worth marrying…we went to high school together and tried dating but it didn’t work coz he had a girlfriend at the time so he said we couldn’t be together coz of that, I understood at the time and we continued being friends but after matric we went to different universities and stopped communicating…A month ago we started talking again after 3 years of no communication, he asked me out but I wasn’t feeling the same anymore and I was going through a terrible breakup, so I just wasn’t ready…so I turned him down…He wasn’t bitter about it, he said we should be close friends so i can get to know him better cz i felt like he was gonna do wat my ex did to me….we talk everyday all day, and we enjoy talking to each other. We recently went out for lunch together, and it was crazy awesome, we had lots of fun…on the lunch date i realised he’s the guy I’ve always been looking for…so two days after the date i told him how i felt and he reciprocated my feelings but said we wouldn’t work coz im celibate, he wouldn’t cope with no sex but insisted that we continue being close friends….so I accepted the whole thing just for the sake of our friendship cz it’s really important to me and he values it too.

  71. Lisa says:

    What I’ve come to learn is that no woman should settle. Neither should a guy. That’s pretty much desperation. Sure a guy can meet most of her needs and she can be content in life but is being ok going to keep her happy? I know from first hand experience (I was in a “settling” relationship for 11years) that settling is just selling yourself short and when that 10 in your eyes comes along – and he eventually will, if you’re stuck with your 5, you’ll have trouble. I wasn’t looking for my 10 when I stumbled into him. I was very content with my 5 but when Mr 10 showed up I realized that everyone’s perfect Mr 10 is out there. Save yourself the heartache and confusion and just wait until he shows up.

  72. Stel says:

    After reviewing a number of responses I wanted to state that regardless of the duration of a partnership, a good relationship can always offer advice and stand as a strong, positive role model. Thinking about settling versus waiting, both ideas produce helplessness. The idea that a perfect 10 is out there seems like a misconception. We all mature physically and emotionally, and assuming that this “perfect 10” will be found and last forever stands as a sign that an individual feels helpless in their partnership. I think we’re all perfect 10s to someone. We should revel in finding someone excited to learn about us, loves us for who we are, and grow with us as we change through our journey in life. The four signs listed above stand as imperative aspects to grow together, and continue being 10s in the eyes of one another. Everything in life grows and changes and if you lack these 4 signs in your partnership, “perfect 10” or not, you’re bound to grow apart, and so, fall apart.

    • Dale Partridge says:

      We are definitely the perfect 10 to someone, but that does not mean I believe you should wait for a 10 according to society’s standards. We all have different expectations and values we are holding out for. I believe that as a society though, we settle because our “non-negotiables” are undefined. And yes you’re right, you have to be flexible and grow and change with one another!

      • Barbara V says:

        My first marriage failed because I expected to be the 10 for my husband for always without doing anything. I expected him, to purge all frustration out of my life and I will live a life full of sunshine, singing birds and butterflies around me. And it is clear: this couldn’t only fail. Now: with my actual husband: we had many fights, many hard times and I had to admit: I am responsible for my life. Not he for mine or me for his. It took us a long time to find the way: what is acceptible and what not. What are the values, how do we want do live. And after 10 years process we got married last year. This summer we went for a holiday and I felt so sure: he is my Mr. Right. He is, looked from the outside, surely not a 10. But so I am neider. We both lived a life, made many mistakes, have been hurted, we both did hurt other people. And in all this: we accept each another the way we are. And that’s making him a 10 to me. And me a 10 to him. And that’s good enough. We don’t have to be 10 for anybody else then for us

  73. Bo says:

    I lived in a relationship for over twenty ye as rs that I was about number 10 on his list on any given day. Some days I didn’t even rank so I don’t have to be his number one priority every minute of every day but I do want to rank numbet one at least a few minutes of each day. I’m no a ten and I don’t expect a ten but I want loyalty, respect, and love all day everyday, no more and no less. I will do the same for him. Chemistry isn’t number one on my list of requirements but be real we must have some attraction toward each other or it will not work.

  74. Joe says:

    I really found myself connecting with this article. My highschool sweetheart of 7 years are thinking about getting married and all of these things we possess.

  75. xpo2020 says:

    There is a truth nobody wants to talk about because it is too crude, blunt, and obvious – you will never be truly happy with your partner unless you are physically attracted to them with strong chemistry. If you are fortunate enough to have a partner you are strongly attracted to then many of the less than perfect ideological differences become less important. You want them. Period. It’s natural biology. Most people who settle do so because they have no better options that are easily present or accessible.

    You aren’t looking for a “buddy” in a partner. Most people have guy and gal buddies already. You want physical and emotional happiness. That comes from biology more than ideological unity.

      • matt says:

        @JG – the irony of your statement is that you would have a better chance of a successful marriage if you did in fact marry your best friend as opposed for reasons of “attraction”. I am not belittling the issue of attraction, but stating what those here already have, that the chemistry fades and new chemistry needs to be built on things other than merely physical attractiveness. Read Tim Keller’s book The Meaning of Marriage.

    • RJCP says:

      Oh my! Attraction is great! But when that wanes, and it will, you are going to have to have some core values in common and enjoy each other… The ‘excitement’ of someone completely different than you seriously fades when you have been making financial, parenting and life choices *together* for 15 years. Talk about biology – put a man and a woman together (assuming basic emotional and physical health) for long enough and they WILL get attracted to each other and WILL have some fun in the sack. But put two people together who don’t connect spiritually, intellectually and functionally and they will QUICKLY lose their desire to get busy. THAT is just as much biology as the exciting “high” that comes at the beginning of a relationship that makes it seem like all those *little* details don’t matter.

      I’m over here giggling at the naivety of your statement.
      passion is beautiful. you are right about that!
      buuuut…. so is wisdom. 🙂

      • Martha says:

        I personally couldn’t agree more with this. There is nothing that turns me off then a pretty face with a sexy body that can’t hold a decent conversation. Some of us are sapiosexuals. I find passion in wisdom.

    • yentruoc says:

      Couldn’t agree more with physical attraction! It’s just as important as any emotional aspect. Speaking from experience.. Left my marriage from a good guy (with all the qualities listed above in the article, plus a promising job and future,) only lacking physical attraction, and have never been happier. I didn’t realize how depressed and almost suicidal I had become because we never fought and in my mind only people who fought got divorced. It took a while to realize what a huge part of my life was missing without the physical attraction.

  76. JG says:

    Although I agree in spirit that these 4 traits are important, I do have a huge issue with this. That being the incredibly negative idea that women over 30 are single because they’re picky and the only single men left for them will be 5’s. It’s obnoxious and close-minded. Life events, career, even luck all play a fundamental role in finding a partner and getting married. Furthermore settling because you have reached a certain age and now you’re afraid of being alone is unfair to yourself and the partner you choose. No, he will never be perfect. But he should mean the world to you, not just be your +1 so that you aren’t attending parties alone at 35.

    • Dale Partridge says:

      I’m sure the author of the book I mentioned shares the “why” for her opinions in her book – I’d encourage you to read it since I cannot speak into her opinion too much. I totally understand there are other reasons people are still single after 30. I know life happens and we every circumstance is unique. I don’t believe you should ever marry someone you “settled” for, either. My point was that many women are searching for the perfect 10, and it just does not exist.

      • Iam Donald says:

        Here ladies, I’m the perfect 10, the cats Meow – a gift to the women of the world, but… Ummmm.. I intend not to get married. Hahahahhahaa!!!

        So listen to Dale.

        • lisa says:

          Donald marriage is a joke. I refuse to compromise beliefs, morals, desire for true love, commitment, honesty , and compassion just to call myself…. tied down. In the ending of a relationship now and thankful to God so!! Alone will suffice 🙂

      • lisa says:

        One perfect person walked this earth only, until we all realize that he should be in the midst of picking a partner we will be doomed with bad relationships after another or just stuck in 1 miserable one for life. sad truth.

  77. Belinda Boone says:

    Unless he’s an Ephesians chapter 5 kind of guy, he will never understand the sacrifice required for a happy marriage. A husband must love his wife the way Christ loves the Church. How does Christ love the Church? He laid down his life for it. The eternal Bridegroom poured himself out and gave His all for His Bride. Unless a man is willing to take it to that level, he is wasting everyone’s time.

      • lisa says:

        The reasons relationships are so difficult and end in DISASTER is because so many people have turned away from Christ and the importance of keeping him center in their lives.

  78. RJCP says:

    A little funny. Your “is she” list is written for guys, but your “is he” list is kinda a him centric list too. I guess that makes sense since (it seems) a man wrote both. No offense meant or taken, but I thought I would comment:

    Both men and women need to be honest, fair fighters, and respectful (emotionally healthy, mature, and loving) to be ready for a good marriage.

    Women also need to know that 2) He is not only honest but a man of integrity and faithfulness. 3) He will put her happiness and comfort above, or at least equal to, his own when differences and challenges arise. Not in a co-dependent way, but with a healthy sense of humility and mutuality and generosity. 4) He sees, hears and relates to her as a whole, separate, and unique individual. I cannot tell you how many women I know who spent the first 10 years of their marriage just proving to their husbands that they were, in fact, an actual person and not an appliance, child, appendage, or maid before their marriages could grow into an intimate and productive union. *bonus) He is thoughtful, giving and intentional in his pursuit of a relationship with her (not grandiose or indifferent).

    Of course the only way you can really see if he is that kind of person is if he is already demonstrating that he is in your relationship and in other relationships he is engaged in – family, friends, work, church, etc.

    Like your site, btw. Loved the ‘when to give up on a dream’ article. Such a difficult process to go through. Appreciated your thoughts.

  79. Grant Sheppard says:

    Nowadays, status and money are more important than moral values! Being rich or having status is enough for a women to be contend.

        • J.L. says:

          What is “truth” for you may not be the truth for other people. So really, stop generalizing women and what would content us.

          • Tess says:

            Grant, there are a lot of women that are more interested in financial security than morals and love, which is unfortunate. There are also a lot of women who value morals and love more than financial security. Be sure not to confuse a woman who looks for a man with drive and ambition, as a woman who looks for financial security. Your comments seem emotion-filled leading me to believe that you state your “fact” based on personal experience. I have male friends who have shared the same experiences, and from my perspective, they were more interested in good looks than good qualities. I helped one friend change his opinion, when I set him up with a gal who wasn’t a 10 in looks, which he often pursued. He didn’t have the money, rather he’s a broke college student, but they’ve been together for two years now! That disproves your “fact.” I’d say go to a nearby college campus and see how many of the guys there have a girlfriend, despite being a broke college kid. You’ll see hundreds of couples that will disprove your fact, not just once, but more than a hundred times 🙂

            I hope that I might have helped shed some light on this matter. Also, I hope that other readers try not to take any comment too personally, even if it does include you in the generalization. Allowing yourself to become a victim of a stranger’s comment that is obviously filled with emotion is, in my opinion, selfish. The best way to respond to a comment like this, is WITH COMPASSION or NOT AT ALL. I believe this site is meant to be uplifting. AND BEFORE YOU POINT FINGERS, remember people need some more compassion in their life. And you have the power to provide that.

          • Grant Sheppard says:

            Thanks for you’re kindness! All i’m saying is what you said in the first sentence of you’re reply!

          • Iam Donald says:

            Dear Tess, i am actually commenting on this post because of your response above. I find your response on here extremely heart warming and a true expression of kindness to people you haven’t met. I live and operate by a mantra that every stranger is potentially a friend you just haven’t met.

            I do not agree with anything Grant says but I can sympathize with his emotional perspective. However, I appreciate the care and kindness of your response. Thank you, Tess!

          • Iam Donald says:

            I can totally understand u not liking what he said, neither did I… But hey Christine, did you really hv to put it to me (at the end), that you aren’t concerned about my opinion? 🙂

          • Christine says:

            I’m not concerned with your opinion. I don’t know you and I have a short list of people whose opinions do matter and suffice it to say you aren’t on it. As far as telling someone/anyone on the internet these days “I don’t like you” I’d say that’s not half bad. Maybe on that day at that particular time that was the best I had. I don’t like what Grant has said and I don’t like men like Grant who talk for women and seem to think they know everything. Other women on here have found him offensive as well.

    • Barbara V says:

      So it seems, you have contact to the “wrong” women… I haven’t chosen my husband in order of money or wealth or big car. I have chosen him, because he is honest, he does listen to people and does not judge about their look. When he meets poeple he is listening to them. And: we have the same values. So: probably you have chosen until now the company of women with a beautyful look and they have been looking for a man with big money. Probably you have to change your point of view and you will have the chance to meet women who are not interested in your money. But: if you appeare in public as rich and having status, then it could be, that you are in the spot of the wrong women. So don’t blame all women because of your choice/your market.

      • Grant Sheppard says:

        If you found true love in you’re husband and the two of you are happy, i’m happy for you! I am, however, talking about the women today! What you and you’re husband have is rare, hold on to it and if need be fight for it! I’m simply stating facts, whether people like it or not. And the fact is that most women these days do choose money and status over moral values whether you agree or not. Be happy!

        • none says:

          I also not aggree wth u..in fact im only 30 n im married my husband bcoz i believe we can live happily together..share every sad n good momments together..also he os not rich enough for me..but at least we can try to build up our lives..which i beleive u can find money everywhr but not love..unfortunately wht is actually happen i cant feel love after a few years of our marriage..i love my husband n our relationshp..but if thre is no more love in his heart..thrs nothg can help our relationship..i truly agree tht money is not the matters here…only love..love..n love..

    • lisa says:

      I personally would RATHER have an honest compassionate gentle soul than any thing money could ever buy me. I am a very simple woman who would never settle for money and status. I want a partner to go through life with that could care less about money and status.

      • Grant Sheppard says:

        Good for you! It doesn’t change the fact that there are a lot of women these days who do settle for money and status, that’s my concern.

  80. Grant Sheppard says:

    This whole discussion is pointless! Cause if you are looking for a 10, you got issues. True love doesn’t have any rules, it doesn’t discriminate, it doesn’t have any boundaries, it has no limit, it loves everyone. Why limit yourself and miss the opportunity to love and be truly loved. In the end thats what everybody wants and is all we need. Are you willing to let go of the things you know you don’t need and accept the things you do. If you have a man or a woman that is good to you, who treats you like the queen or king you are,….hold on to him or her. Don’t let him or her slip away! Dont take it for granted either. You will regret it. In you’re heart you know what is good, follow you’re heart!

  81. Cara says:

    I think you have some valid points here. I have been married 20 years
    to a wonderful man. He is not a 10 but I really don’t care. I just
    love him for who he is and I love his imperfections. He treats me with
    the utmost respect and is extremely encouraging to me. I particularly
    like your #4 about fighting fair. I personally think that this is
    almost the most important factor. Every couple is going to have fights
    but how the couple fights is key. A man or woman can fight to either be
    right and be hurtful or they can fight to state their point of view and
    then compromise, even if it’s to agree to disagree. I also read your
    other article about 4 signs she’s worth marrying. These are good topics
    and I like what you have written, these are inspiring and thought
    provoking.

  82. Frannie Martin says:

    I have a 26 year old beautiful daughter who has had a few long term boyfriends in her past, one all through high school that wasn’t healthy and several since that never got as far as an engagement but that lasted about 2 years each. I believe her Dad and I showed a mostly loving relationship to her in our marriage but of course we weren’t without our fights. We have been together 30 years. She is in a living together relationship now that is different in that it started out as long distance which was unlike her others and moved to now living together for 6 months. I’m concerned she may never fight the “right” guy but I’m not sure why. I guess I just thought that as many relationships that shes had she would be married by now or at least in an engagement. She says she would say yes if he asked her now and I hope it’s for all the right reasons. She says he is different than all the others and she does seem happy most of the time but she has been living very far from home for the last year and a half so I don’t physically see her to know more from contact with her. I don’t want her to think that because of her age and the fact that alot of her friends are married that she has to get married if he’s not Mr. Right. any advice?

    • Tesslla says:

      I sense that you might be worrying more about your daughter’s current relationship more than her previous relationships due to the distance. Before assuming that she hasn’t found the “right” guy, make sure to take a step back and ask yourself: “Are you more worried about your daughter finding the “right” guy, or is it more that you wish that your daughter would find the “right” guy closer to where YOU live?” It’s understandable that you, as a loving mother, want your daughter to live closer to home; but be sure to not let that sway your opinion of her current relationship. Your daughter is the ultimate decision-maker in her relationships, so my advice to you is to be completely supportive of her decisions. It’s clear you want the best for her, but remember that she is an adult and needs you, as her mother, to support her adult decisions rather than questioning them. If you continue to question her choices she may, in turn, feel more pressured to make a decision, regardless of what your opinion may be. So, help her have a healthy mind while making important life decisions and let her to be the one to ask the questions only when she wants your opinion. The only time you should really step in is if you believe your daughter is in a harmful relationship. Also, if she decides this guy is her “Mr. Right,” you’re going to want to have a healthy relationship with the young man as well; if he knows of your constant questioning of the relationship, that could makes things a little tense down the road. So, following the advice I’ve shared with you now can help mend any loose ends and prevent an unraveled mess in the future.

  83. Sarah says:

    Dale,

    When I initially read this article, I thought (and still think) you’ve made some good points. However, I noticed that the counterpart to this has some very deep thoughts about what men need while this one just seems to skim the surface of what women need. For example, you mentioned that men have an innate desire to be respected, which is true. However, you missed the counterpart to that, which is that women have strong innate desire to be loved. This is very crucial in a relationship. I once was in a relationship where everything seemed perfect on the surface and he possessed most of the qualities you mention above. However, I simply did not feel loved and that destroyed the relationship. A man can tell you he loves you over and over again, but a woman will know if it’s not genuine, and it will destroy her. If she does not feel loved, the relationship is doomed to fail even if he has all of the above qualities.

      • Moggy says:

        So many I have met seem to only want companionship. (I’m in my 40 and the man I was with 53) He didn’t seem to have anything to contribute to conversation other than his work day, never asked a question or curious about anything. Never interested enough to have travelled (no passport) and I didn’t feel he knew me. He said he loved me dearly and was heart broken when I ended things. It was so tough to so as he is loving, works hard, handsome and all around the nicest most helpful man I have ever met. I just found the little bit too thrifty, lack of conversation, not curious about much undesirable. 🙁 painful stuff. I’m a high energy messy artist with no kids (stayed in previous very unhealthy relationship too long now early menopause = no kids) I just wonder if I should join a book club if I want conversation and go back to Mr. Loving. ???? PS: he also has two kids, 18 & 20 who live at home and who are irresponsible – boys…

        • Grant Sheppard says:

          The beginning of love is
          the will to let those we love be perfectly themselves, the resolution not to
          twist them to fit our own image.

        • Amy says:

          If you were otherwise happy with him, and you respect him and can live with the way he is, why not? It’s fine to make some compromises, as long as we don’t try to change who the person IS. But it’s also okay to break off a dating relationship when we don’t feel fulfilled or loved.
          We shouldn’t really expect our spouse to provide ALL of our emotional needs; we need friends to talk to and other outlets, too. But would he be willing to just listen while you talked about things that were important to you? Can you compromise on a budget so that the “thrifty” quality won’t bother you as much (it’s not uncommon to have different ideas about money, but that can usually be worked out). Also, keep in mind that many men don’t feel a connection through conversation and don’t learn best through questions (is he really not curious, or just not curious about the same things you are, or in the same way you are? It’s okay to have some different interests). Sometimes it’s just being together that helps them feel emotionally connected. Try reading good relationship books like The Five Love Languages, For Women Only, and Love and Respect to get a better idea of where you/he may be expressing things differently, or where you might have unrealistic expectations. But ultimately, only you can decide whether those negative traits are “deal-breakers” or not.

    • lisa says:

      AGREED!! A woman knows deep inside even if she tries to lie to herself so that she can keep the man she loves if he genuinely loves, respects, admires and enjoys her. If he doesn’t it will be a very tense and sickly unfulfiling relationship.

    • lisa says:

      That is how it goes, the thing you set out to find in a partner is usually the one thing your partner will lack.

  84. Kit says:

    I really like this article. I believe that too often women put way too many expectations on the men in their life. Maybe “settling” is the wrong word to use because people have opposition reflex when they hear it, but being able to see the good qualities, being able to say you are happy to know them, to be with them and to be together, and accepting that there is no such thing as a perfect relationship are things which are important. All the men in my life, my dad, my uncles, my boyfriend, my friends, they are far from perfect. But they make me happy just by being them. Not a single one lives up to any perfect list I have created. And I don’t want them to. This way, they can teach me new things and we can share new ideas. Perfection is just way too boring to be worth it anyway.

  85. Marie says:

    I really search for this kind of man, but he is so hard to find… I am shy and not very beautiful so men don’t even look at me. Often we women don’t have a lot of criteria for a man, but unfortunately I seem to have bad luck when it comes to love.

    • Saba says:

      Marie Dear Marie
      Never think like this, I know you are beautiful, and you’ll become even more beautiful when you understand your value and know that you are so precious. All the women are beautiful, and also thoughts and positive energy makes us much more pretty. Besides men’s tastes in beauty are very different and wide. Be confident about your partner which is somewhere in this world and is so interested in your beauty. And shyness is a nice quality, which makes you look as an innocent beauty queen.

      Love you

    • Cristal Marie Allen says:

      Once you began to realize your self worth (beauty in & out, what you offer, the God in you), you will be kind to yourself and you will attract a kind man! You’re beautiful, Marie. You know why? God made you and “God don’t make no mess!” God Bless!

  86. Ally says:

    I feel terrible because I’m with a man (19 years my senior) who would do anything for me. He moved me and my 5 yr. old daughter in to his home, loves us both so much. .. but when it is just the two of us alone, there is not much of a mental connection. In the beginning my issue was, he didn’t seem to listen and (not purposely) didn’t care much about things I tried to talk about. I explained to him I need him to reciprocate, at least an “oh, that’s neat” would do. So that got better but for the past few weeks, after a trip just the two of us went on, I realize we don’t connect in that fun-loving way, let alone a deeper mental level, that I thought we did. We don’t have conversations that last more than a few exchanges. I don’t feel he “gets” me, and he might feel the same. But he’s SO good to us! Do I give up being able to laugh (genuinely and hard) and really talk to my partner in exchange for security and stability?

    • Cristal Marie Allen says:

      If you’re not happy and the person is not meeting your basic needs to be happy, except by playing “Santa Claus” I would do what’s best for you! If nothing else, I need to be heard, have meaningful/deep conversation and to laugh & have fun with my mate.

    • Madison says:

      If y’all don’t connect mentally right now especially after trying to make an effort and confronting the problem, then you probably won’t connect in the future. It sounds like it may be a make it or break it since you value emotional connection in a relationship, which should be there for the relationship to workout. Since you have a daughter in the picture, y’all might have a lot of conversations involving her as the subject, so you may have a connection and talk on a more mental level about decisions and how to raise her, but what about when she gets older and goes off to college? It will end up being only you and him someday even if y’all have kids together after they have moved out and are on their own. Trust me, the connection needs to be there or else when it is just you two left when y’all are older, divorce may be the way out if you two don’t connect. I’m living proof of this because I am an only child and this became apparent with my parents and they ended up getting a divorce right before I went off to college because they didn’t have an emotional connection with each other which made them unhappy together.

    • TravelInLight says:

      Basically he’s being a father to both of you. You’re asking should you give up happiness. Doesn’t that sound like a stupid question? There are a lot of people who are happy with less than you have. Make your own way, never depend on someone else for your financial well being because that will always compromise your judgement. Ask yourself this -if he wasn’t providing for you, would you hang around? You are using him and sacrificing your happiness. Might as well be living with your parents.

    • Meisha says:

      I’d like to know what brought you both together in the first place. Was this mental disconnect not obvious from the beginning?

  87. lisa says:

    Im in relationship HELL and don’t have the words to express to him that I am ready to move on… sumbody please lend some advice to a cowardly woman.

  88. Rosemarie says:

    This is such a good read. My man is two out of four. I’m five years older than him, which a couple years later I realize is a big difference, maturity wise. He’s still in his early twenties, I’m pushing thirty. He’s selfish in some ways. Insecure in a lot. I think that has to do with the maturity difference. I hope he outgrows it soon! It drives me nuts! **feeling drained… Any advice?

  89. Breahna says:

    This is great advice! I am currently engaged to an amazing man, and yes the four categories match us. These should not be compromises, because a guy who fits into your four categories exists. He does! Not waiting for a perfect 10 and not settling for less than the four signs is worth it.

  90. Cristal Marie Allen says:

    This was good stuff! The spiritual/emotional connection, having fun together and being honest are so important to me! This really helps me to get out there and start dating again, without being so shallow again. I’ve passed up a couple 7 & 8 in hopes for a 10. I’m 35 now and hope to God, that I don’t get stuck with a 5!

  91. Williams Harryson says:

    Hello everybody, my names is Cindy Davis Am from Canada i want to give thanks and honor to Dr.ogaga for the great work he did for me, he brought my lover within 24 hours which i never taught it will ever come through in my life, but this great man Dr. ogaga proved to me that powers can do wonders, i got his contact from a friend in the USA who he helped, this friend of mine told me that this man is great but i felt as him are you sure? cause i hardly believe those kind of things,so she told me not to worry that when i contact him, that she is guaranteeing me 100% that my lover will come back that if it does not work that she will be the one to give me back my money, to show her sincerity to me, she gave me her car that if it does not work that and she did not pay me the money that i spent that she i should collect her car and she gave me all the documents, i was so so surprised she was very serious about it so that was how i contacted him and i told him what i want he just told me that everything will be done within 24 hours so with the assurance my friend gave me i was having confident, so in the next 24 hours that he told me i just heard a knock on my door i never knew it was mark, so that was how i opened the door the first thing he did was to go on his knees, he started begging me to forgive him that he is very sorry for everything, i was really surprised and was also happy, so that was how i forgive him and now we are living together happily than ever before, and am using the media to invite my friends on my wedding which will coming up on 30/10/2013, am very happy thanks be to Lucy who gave me his contact and honor be onto Great DR. ogaga who helped a lot, if you need his help or you want to thank him for me you can contact him through:dr.ogagaspiritualtemple@gmail.com

  92. Aly says:

    My name is Aly and I’m 21 years old. A few weeks ago, was the 8th monthsary of both me and my boyfriend… and to be honest, the relationship so far has been nothing but amazing bliss. We were both classmates back in grade school and we ended up meeting again during a reunion. During the reunion, this is where it all began. Since the start of our relationship, to be honest… there were so much things we had in common and with that, I ended up falling in love with him. So we’ve been dating for 8 months and there would be times when my boyfriend and me would talk about the future. About where we’re gonna live, where we’re gonna get married…and where we’re gonna have kids. Don’t get me wrong, we’re not engaged yet! But what I appreciated was that… I saw my future with him. But here is where the downfall starts. Yesterday… we ended up having a big argument and this argument questions our own values. We’re both Catholic but I seem to be more of the strict catholic than he is because this was how I was raised. So since I am raised as a Catholic, I have these set of beliefs of a Catholic which he would protest at times. For example, going to church. Where he says that “I’ve been fine not going to church so you can go all by yourself if you want to”. But… for me, it doesn’t work that way. I have always wanted my kids to be raised in a catholic community. A catholic environment and to be raised with the morals of being a catholic too. But… how can I do that if my partner doesn’t have the same set of values and beliefs as I do? I mean… if we’re talking about having a life together…..then what do I do?

    • ap says:

      Just reading this article, I came across your comment and had to comment too. I’m in a similar situation- in a sense. I’ve been in a relationship with a similar scenario for a few years now. Similar to you, I’m a Christian and he is not. We have discussed our future and how we will raise our children, and he has agreed that being raised Christian instills good values that should be learned. Basically, I believe that you were brought into each others lives for a reason. It is the differences between us that help each other to learn and grow. As long as you hold true to your beliefs and values, and continue to live your life the way you’ve intended, and he is in full support of this- these things will become a part of his life too. Do in your heart what you feel is right. Continue to have these conversations with him, and in time you’ll know whether a life together is the right path for you. Good luck & God bless <3

    • Kevin Kent says:

      You’re 21. You dump him and find someone with similar values. It’s really as simple as that. Your relationship has a fundamental, irreconcilable flaw.

    • Heidi de Jesus Ferreira says:

      Im in a 12 yr marriage, and we started off as both christian, but my husband recently turned away from our faith. I wont lie to you – it has been the hardest 6 months of my life, and if we didnt come from such a solid background, and with christian family on both sides, we’d probably split. It is damn {DAMN} hard living with someone who doesnt share the same values as you – you see it in every situation, it creates conflict and insecurity about the future of most things in your lives/life. I know love is sweet esp when you are young, and you will feel that love will get you through anything, but when you have different belief systems, it is inevitable that there will be conflict, and honey, it will be you versus him. Love will not win this. Love wont’ make it easy. It will be hard. Honestly, I’d break up, if I were you, before you get serious and married. I’m married and will fight for it and make it work because my covenant is before God too, not just between him and I, but if I wasn’t married and experienced this, I’d leave.

  93. So True says:

    As a man looking for a good woman to settle down with, i can certainly be very happy with one woman that i can commit to instead of jumping around from one woman to another. And at the age of 60 now is very hard for me meeting a good one now, and i don’t like going out all the time since there are so many women playing games nowadays that still need to grow up.

  94. January1987 says:

    What if almost all apply but one? What if that one is very important ? I’m refereing to #4 fighting fair.

  95. Confused says:

    I have the same question at January1987. Engaged to a wonderful man, but #4 is the issue. He doesn’t fight fair, I stay because of the other three are a good fit. He knows it’s an issue, but it seems the only way to express himself is through anger with each small disagreement, insults, and name calling. He says I should filter out anything he says when he’s angry because he doesn’t mean it (as he does also say nice things about me when we are not fighting), but the insults, name calling and all hurts when it’s done repeatedly over years. Can it work without #4? Is a person able to change coping mechanisms even if they were surrounded by unfair fighting growing up and they seem to be conditioned that way now?

    • Miss Iris says:

      I think #4 is so so important. Arguing is going to happen in all relationships…but knowing how to argue fairly is how relationships last. I think what you are describing goes beyond being fair…it’s about respect. Without respect, a healthy lasting relationship is out of the question. You, and everyone, deserve respect from the people that say they care about you. Coming from a Marriage & Family therapist, I would have to say that without #4 + respect, it just won’t work 🙁

    • Amy says:

      I’d be concerned, especially since he seems to think this is YOUR problem, that YOU should “filter out” what he says when he’s angry, instead of HIM learning how to properly express frustration and anger. How are you really supposed to know what he means, and what he doesn’t mean when he’s angry? You can’t read his mind, and he shouldn’t expect you to! Or when he’s angry, he’ll be fine with it if you just walk away from the argument and ignore him, because nothing he says in that state means anything, right?
      Look at it this way: when his boss or parents or friends or a huge, dangerous-looking guy disagrees with him or confronts him, how does he handle it? Is he somehow able to avoid saying things he “doesn’t mean” in those situations, or in any other disagreements with other people? If so, then it’s likely a respect issue–he doesn’t respect YOU enough (and that will get worse over time if you continue to allow it), but he CAN control it if he really wants to and you enforce that boundary (most men will treat you the way you allow them to treat you). But if he uses the same tactics of insults and name-calling with everyone, then it’s probably a self-control issue, and he needs to get counseling or something to gain the tools to deal with and overcome it, because otherwise it will affect his whole life (and yours if you marry), including his ability to keep a job, stay out of trouble with the law, not get punched or shot, etc. Either way, I’d say he needs to be making a real effort to make that change–and yes, it CAN be changed, but he has to be willing. You can’t force him; he has to choose it himself… but you don’t have to put up with that behavior, either. 😉

    • justdonewithit says:

      you cannot filter out the abuse,,it will hurt you for years to come,,i’v lived with it for 21 years,,trust me,,i know,,and have suffered

    • sandybeach says:

      It sounds to me like emotional co-depandancy and it is form of abuse, id suggest councilling or speaking to your pastor about it. I read something once that we teach people how to treat us. Which is so true. U need to let him know that what he is doing is just not ok and that every time he calls you names you loose respect for him which will mean that he will ultimately loose you. Because your self confidence will start to dwindle as you subconsciously start to believe in his words, then he will start to look around as the girl he once fell in love with is no longer there anymore. YOU deserve more than that, you deserve to truely be happy, dont settle for anything there is always a perfect match out there for everyone. And if the perfect match is him, if he truely loves you he will make a concerted effort to change and drastically for your happiness means more to him than himself…. then he is a keeper…. Good luck n God Bless xoxo

  96. Debbie says:

    Thanks for this! These 4 are spot-on. (: Especially the first one, values and lifestyle that we will be sharing are on top of my list. But first, I am praying for the man, before I look for the signs. ((: I may have passed up some 8s in search and waiting for the prince on a white horse, but I will not settle for a 5. I will only go for God’s guy for me. 😉

  97. Nicole says:

    For those who are reading these. Be aware of all area code 234 or 233. They are scams from Ghana and Nigeria….They will ask for money and even your soul. These people are everywhere, they are on dating sites and they think they are good…They will ask for money and clean up your account. Thank you!!!

  98. Sheila says:

    I married who I thought was a 10 when I was 22. Fifteen years of marriage and three kids later, he left for a younger woman. Now I have dozens of 5’s hitting on me, no sign of 8’s, even though I’ve kept up with my appearance. Seems like unless a single mother earns 6 figures, she’s undateable to guys who can attract more women. And no, I’m not interested in men old enough to be my father.

  99. ally says:

    This is interesting. I am 32 and I’m not desiring to be married at any point in my life. I just don’t believe in it. But I disagree with marrying an 8 in an effort to avoid a 5 later on. The numerical scale is messed up to begin with. But, you should never marry anyone who is less than a 10, and if you are, you’re better off single. You should not ever, under any circumstance, settle for anyone who isn’t everything you want. You wouldn’t settle for a car that wasn’t what you want, or a job that wasn’t what you want, so why do the same for a partner? I think the real issue is people are afraid to be alone. Being alone can be a blessing, and I challenge those who are currently consider marrying someone less than a 10 just for the sake of getting married to spend some time solo. You’ll realize just how valuable and precious life is, and why you shouldn’t waste it on someone who isn’t a good match for you. Divorce is expensive, and unfortunately, once you’ve got some baggage, that makes it even more difficult for you to try and date again. And who wants baggage anyway? Keep your standards high, and you won’t have to worry about anything.

    • wildanfree says:

      i dont believe in marriage either,neither is it cool to sleep around,,or be like a dog,,Divorice is expensive,,your right,,

  100. Maria says:

    It bothers me that this article is implying single people are “passing up 8’s to snag a mythical 10”, it makes it sound like we should settle to avoid being single in our 30’s. I think a “10” isn’t mythical I think it’s all in the eye of the beholder. I’m not looking for perfection, all I want is a guy who has integrity and shares the same beliefs as me, someone I can laugh with, and someone I have chemistry with, and someone I get excited to see…pretty much everything you listed, that’s a 10 to me. And although I would love to find that guy, I would much rather be single and wait for that guy, than settle for someone else just to avoid being single in my 30’s.

    • Paladinrja says:

      Men are just amusements to you. Your 8’s are 10’s, a perfect 10 would most likely freak you out. Chemistry only means something if you are afraid of commitment and pretty much exist on extremely short term relationships. If you can bring yourself to focus on the good in your relationship and deal with the bad honestly, then you have a level of commitment, which is hard work that avoiders simply can’t do.
      The thing I hate most amongst my female friends is watching them screw men over emotionally, just because of entitlement problems and a need to bolster their self esteem without being honest about their intentions. Its gutless and make no mistake, it is using them.
      Hell, men kill each other over this sorta behavior and my advice to most men, when reflecting on your relationship (yes we do it more often than you think) is to look at her like a man. If she ends up being a bloke you would rather knock out than live with, then please try not to knock her out and tell her to up her game or get lost. I’m sick of seeing men hurt for no reason other than being blind-sided by over-entitled narcissistic and sociopathic women. Want to know what a man thinks about being single in his 30’s? – Nothing of it, at all. – Not a moments thought. – Or 40’s, or 50’s, or 60’s. We’ll cross that bridge like everyone else, its what happens along the span that affects us before we actually get to our destination.

      The problem with most women is they simply either have a burr up their ass or just “put up” with being in a relationship and don’t understand how to contribute to it after a certain point. News flash for all you female psyche majors out there, men ALWAYS put up with you. You are always interesting until you become repetitive, but because men are built physically, mentally and emotionally to WORK we know that constant reinvention and recycling of parts enables us to take the good and keep building into something new and for some reason, these subtleties are completely lost on women. Women don’t seem to be able to interface with the concept, without fanfare. Poor guy’s trying hard not to freak you out with dramatic changes and you bolt out the door anyway. What was the point?

      Ever wonder why he can just go with the flow, even when you are panicking? Thats why. Ever wonder why his passive modes seem a little distant? Its because he is already working on what to contribute to next in his relationship.
      The complexity for him is that if you are at a peak self-esteem (generally due to him emotionally) and feeling particularly over-entitled then he is wasting his time. That realization for him, is why he dies inside. That is just the way it is.
      Being that men are all different, but generally subscribe to a common set of core beliefs as individuals, if he is forced to resort to superficiality in order to set right his ship with you, you are gonna lose him, even if he succeeds in getting your adoration again. You are either going to be told to get out of his life outright or he will force you out. It could actually even be a subconscious defense mechanism.

      Remember, you are losing your man, he is not losing you. Men are not scared of the ups and downs with life. They are quite accustomed to living.

      Forget about knowing what kinda man you want. Know what you will do with him once you have one and have a good idea, before you even approach him, of what you will negotiate to achieve with him throughout your relationship. You don’t have a relationship until you have a man so forget about rating him at all.

      • Lenora says:

        You seem really unhappy. And very presumptuous to make those kind of generalizations on every woman in a relationship.

  101. Olimpia says:

    I am a little disappointed by the two lists, the one for men and the one for women. The one for men is much better while this one is a little weaker (someone you can have fun with is important, but why is this quality here over finding someone who respects, honors, wants to take care of you, etc. ?) I would have just made one list that works for men and women that combines the top 6-8 tips because at the end of the day I want a man who honors me, speaks highly of me, strives to serve me, and wants to be my rock in all the ways I want to be the rock for him. Values, respect, chemistry, honesty, adoration, etc. are things I think everyone is looking for regardless of gender.

  102. Brandi says:

    I’m ready to get married and it would be my second marriage and all the 4 points, I have a keeper.
    But…my question is, what if he isn’t ready and may want to be together for the fact that he wont be lonely but yet marriage is not on his list for another 5 years or so, we just had our 4th anniversary, now working on our 5th.
    What to do??

    • Paladinrja says:

      “But what if..” classic female pretext to a lie or manipulation. You are already using words like ‘anniversary’ and you are not even married? If you are gonna fudge the waters with him, expect him to hold back until you get some kinda parity with him. You may just end up having to face your own crap and come waaaaay down before him and knowing most women, you don’t do that for less than a 6-spot and a tonne of female support, generally because of the 6 figure bank account.
      Else you won’t make the next year and end up flaking out on him because there is some undefined time limit on how long you are willing to be in a relationship like this that is most likely not on your terms. “life is too short” – ever hear that? Sure you have, women treat it like a mantra, but it doesn’t mean what you think it means. What it *does* mean however, is that you take every day as a gift and live every moment to the fullest, boredom, elation, frustration, looniness, appreciation, etc.. all your faults and all your amazingness together is more precious than anything and you are so sure of that even when the spark is gone because you know you can always be best friends and that allowing your batteries to recharge when you are out of sync is not only rewarding but also what inspires the spark. You were cool together before you got together, thats the secret.
      No real man is ever lonely, alone sure, its the first thing a real man has to learn, to walk alone, but no man is ever lonely unless something is very wrong with him (usually fixable through mens therapy).

  103. ketchikan9 says:

    #1 gave me pause. My husband is an atheist and I am Catholic. We completely disagree on matters of faith. However, we respect the each others opinions on the topic. He is at the core a really great kind person. One of those men who stops and helps people broken down on the side of the road, would give his last dollar to a friend who needed it more. I asked him once, while we were driving to Washington D.C., why he didn’t believe in God and his response was that he had a hard time understanding a divine being would allow bad things to happen to people like cancer and floods. The next day as 9/11.
    So while we fundamentally disagree. I respect that the opposite of what I believe can also be true.

  104. vinyard89 says:

    I am most definitely sending this to a handful of my friends. They’re all waiting for Prince Charming, whose obviously a 10, and I’ve tried to tell them that they’ll never find him. They are so unwilling to give a little on any of their laundry list of items. He must be tall (at the very least, over 6 ft), dark haired, well employed, charming, must dance, in shape, and handsome. Phew! That’s a bit exhausting, to be very honest.

  105. JenK says:

    I had to realize I wasn’t a ’10’ so even if I met a ’10’ he NEVER go for me!! Married for 6.5 years and we’ve had ups (fun trips, continuing to discover crazy things in common) and downs (2 miscarriages, deaths, post-partum, sleepless baby nights) and we’re hanging on…

  106. Afrah says:

    This is so true. I am with with someone for over 2.5 years and we love each other and have a great time together but what if you’re not of the same religion? He’s willing to convert but he’s grown up in an atheism family and I don’t know if he’ll ever truly believe. I know he’s going to let our kids follow the religion but I don’t know if he’ll ever be on the same page as us. Tough call.

      • Bryan says:

        I believe whole heartedly that if your Religious Beliefs are that important to you, you have to fight to find someone that has that same Belief structure. I have had what I love to call “Project” relationships… Some who don’t believe, and a few that do, but have not been seeking out God… All of those relationships were then based on something besides my beliefs and therefore pulled me away of how I truly wanted to be… We should pic someone that meets our spiritual needs, emotional needs, and physical needs… Lastly our sexual needs… While sexual needs are VERY important, it is what always lead me astray in past relationships. When we prioritize the spiritual, emotional, and physical before, and only let the sexual come in, after marriage we find ourselves in a much more fruitful relationship. Something not only pleasing to ourselves, with our needs being met, but to God as well.. Just my opinion….

  107. Walker Slaton says:

    As a guy, this is a huge eye-opener to me. It makes me want to become a guy that has these four values and that any woman I date will be able to see them in me.

  108. Chelsea says:

    I agree with what you’re saying, especially #1. I once dated a guy & we were a lot alike in our backgrounds, interest, etc. But we did NOT have the same morals. So that killed the interest I had in him. That really is the #1 thing.

  109. Marie says:

    Going through divorce, I see why you should run at the first sign of dishonesty in a man…. I saw the red flags but thought “it wasn’t too bad,” although I knew where lying could lead up to… Now I know what it does lead to. Worst year of marriage, ever. Seriously terrible and heart breaking. He made me look crazy when I found out things that were going on. Would gaslight. Wish I would’ve just cut my losses when we were dating. But on the upside, pretty much any man would be an upgrade – although I won’t settle this go around.

  110. The Mad Mammy says:

    If he doesn’t light you up in every single way in the first year by year ten the glow between you will pretty much have disappeared – from a 21 year veteran.

  111. Julie B says:

    I was married briefly in my early 30’s to someone who had one of the four qualities. I’m forty now and not willing to go thru that again. But I have to admit the older you get, seems like there is slim pickens for quality and it does feel like leftovers now.I passed up two quality guys who liked me alot and now they are both married to other people. I wish I had been smarter back then. But I think these qualities are spot on. My last most recent boyfriend had only the first two. So it would have never worked out and I’m moving on.

  112. Zahra says:

    I agree with all 4 of Ur points… The argument part is 100%true… I am definatly going to follow these guidelines in future.

  113. Tamika King says:

    I’ve been focusing too much on the physical and focusing on what others have to say. He’s everything that I’ve been praying for. Thank you!!

  114. Penny Lane says:

    This is pretty much my excuse for why I’m 28 and have only had 1 bf. #1 my God is so important to me that I won’t date anyone with disimilar beliefs! (Also I’m tall for a woman 5’10” so there’s slim pickins!!!)

    • Lesley says:

      Hey! being tall is HOT and ROCKS!! be proud of it, #1, and #2, don’t discriminate against men of equal or lower height. Lots of men want tall women but they don’t discriminate, yet I know so many tall women who don’t want short guys. I said in a related post that there are shifts in society happening making dating an uneven playing field for women, and this is one example where we need to shift as well. We don’t need our partner to be taller than we are – it means nothing about power, manliness, blah blah blah. And men don’t need their women to be shorter, it doesnt mean anything about power, femininity or blah blah blah. This is old world stuff. Roles are changing and evolving and it’s awesome though rocky and confusing.

      And seriously, if being tall made for slim pickings, supermodels would never get married. They’re rich AND tall, and men love them. Whats the difference? They aren’t ashamed of being tall or rich (cause really, beauty is in eye of beholder, and a lot of supermodels look huge and not so hot off the runway. it’s not just their looks getting all of them into relationships).

  115. Jessica Parker says:

    Hey Dale. I have a man that is a true angel and meets all 4 attributes listed. But the sex part is pretty flat or there is little desire to sleep with him. Though he loves me to bits, should I still marry him cos he just proposed

  116. Julia says:

    hey, I really appreciated your article!! I think those are definitely the four MOST important qualities… and I wish more people would understand that…
    thanks for putting into words!
    keep on inspiring!!

  117. Blessing. says:

    Pls write an article on how to attract and keep a good man…i have been single for 4 years no dates except failed online dates, and my excuse to myself was that no one has the patients to get to know me before thinking about sex….well recently I met this guy who basically has all these qualities and I thought to myself this just what I’ve been looking for. 2 days later after our first run date and brunch and church together the next day he messaged me that he dosent think we are headed in the right direction. What did he experience in the 2 days he spent with me that made him run so fast?

  118. Lynn says:

    I personally love this! It just assured me that my fiance is definitely worth marrying. We’ve been engaged for 2 years (on the 18th) because there are so many things we’re trying to accomplish with our athletic careers that it’s conflicting with having a wedding. I’m in no rush because i know he’s the one and I want my day to be everything I’ve ever dreamed of. He makes my heart smile, gives me butterflies while assuring me that he’s going to be an amazing father and spouse in the long run. I want to say I’ve got a 10! lol I mean we should all feel like our spouses are 10’s right?! Anywho, thank you for this article!

  119. Palmer says:

    Hi, I just stumbled on this topic and was curious how this turned out for you? My fiancée and I have been together for four years now with the help of solverking and while we love each other very much at the begining there was a time we were going through a rough patch right then for multiple reasons, and I truly mean multiple reasons right then. solverking was able to help my marriage…. google on them am sure they go the same for you… kindly check “solve your divorce easily by solverking”

  120. A.R. says:

    I think this is a great list but it also makes me sad because the man I’ve loved for 3 years has all 4 but he said that he does not love me.

  121. tnash says:

    I’m glad I came across your article. I’ve been struggling lately in my relationship because it seems that “spark” is no longer. It’s been 4 years and I keep asking myself if this is someone I can really spend my life with, because he doesn’t meet everything on my list. He’s a great dad to our son, but I just don’t trust him, out of major insecurity from events that took place in our relationship. I’ve been so sold on this idea of Mr. Perfect Sweep Me Off My Feet Give Me Butterflies for the longest, reading this article really opened my eyes to a lot of things. Thanks Dale!

  122. Erica says:

    Hi Dale, found your article on Pinterest. My wonderful man has all these qualities and then some. There isn’t a day that goes by that butterflies tingle in my stomach. There isn’t a moment that I think is he the right one. He is rough around the edges, but is thirsty to be loved. He has never found the right woman that loved him for him and accepted him for who he is like I do. He is my 10 and does complete my list of wants and needs in a man. He’s the first man that I feel totally connected to. I don’t feel the need to hide anything nor does he. I can honestly say he is my best friend and I couldn’t see a day without him. Thank you for this article.

  123. Terry says:

    I was a single mom for a year before meeting my husband, a few of these things were already on my list and I let them slide as he was an overall “good” man and good father to my son. We have been married now for almost 3 years and it has not been easy at all. I’ve read the list for husbands as well as this one and I believe both of these lists are very crucial for marriage. Other than the first reason on both lists neither one of us share any of the other qualities, he has so many insecurities and no matter what I say or do it does not amount to any form of respect or admiration in his eyes. Through my marriage I’ve gotten so much closer to God and have learned to truly love another unconditionally but not everyone handles hardships the same way. I will recommend these two articles to anyone considering marriage! Thanks for the read!

    • Nicole Yaciw says:

      Sweety, I know the Christian and Catholic religions push for “until death do us part”, and if you’re happy where you’re at, ignore what I’m about to say….
      But to me, it sounds like you’re not happy. In my heart of hearts, any deity, any divine power that is supposedly all loving, would never want us to spend our lives with a person who isn’t right for us. It’s a recipe for disaster and health problems down the road. You need to be in love…. both with the higher power and with your mate. I hope you pray on it, think on it, and find out your own truth. You deserve to be happy with your partner and they you. It sounds as if neither of you is happy and your husband needs therapy to deal with his issues. You might need it as well, just to let off some steam. Anything you chose, I wish you the best.

  124. "M" says:

    “How they spend their 20’s and 30’s passing up 8’s to hold out for a 10 (which doesn’t exist). They then find themselves in their late 30’s and early 40’s settling with a 5 because that’s all who is left. Pretty powerful concept.

    I’d submit it’s not all that “powerful” a concept, since people aren’t numbers.

    “10”s? “5”s? Really??

    :-/

  125. missamya says:

    Sadly, a lot of ladies don’t find out that a guy has been lying his you-know-what-off until it’s too late. I only hope that the one gal I have in mind figures this out before it’s too late.

  126. Hybrie Morgan says:

    I love this article!! and couldn’t agree more. and we hold out for Mr. 10, but forget that we might just be a 7 ourselves. I agree that these 4 points are the most important aspects. I have been married and divorced by 26 and I agree 100%. Core beliefs, Honesty, fun and remaining on the same team despite disagreements is so important. This blessed me today! Thank you Dale Partridge

  127. Angelique Milner says:

    I really loved this article. I do agree that the man I am with is the one I should marry he fits all of these categories almost perfectly. My one fear is yes he has lied before, maybe 2 times and we have been together 4 years. Reading point 3 makes me feel like that is something I should be worried about. Thoughts anyone?

    • torri says:

      I think you’re fine in the lying area! I would only consider it relationship-end worthy if its a reoccurring thing. Just pay attention and most of all trust him until he gives you a reason not to! (:

  128. Lenora says:

    Waited for my 10 and got him! Ten years of blissful marriage! This article is ridiculous. Having unrealistic expectations is one thing but settling for someone who doesn’t give you thrills is a waste of time. Make peace with who you are, love yourself unconditionally and don’t settle for mediocrity. This article is massively insulting to anyone single in their thirties who might be there for tragic or uncontrollable circumstances.

    • Hannah says:

      Congrats! But I don’t think the point is to tell people to settle. “Mr 10” is out there, but I don’t believe its on the worlds scale, but more a perfect match for us. You have great tips! But I think the article is more trying to tell people warning signs, so if these things weren’t there, maybe don’t be afraid to keep looking for your match.

  129. Monica says:

    Firstly, let me just say, the scale is very subjective. A 8 for you might be a 6 to me. As well, what is now a 10, might be an 8 in a few years, or even months, depending on your growth as a person.
    Ive been dating my boyfriend for 4 years, both of us were married previously and have kids, so it’s freaking hard work sometimes…
    But, he is my best friend, the one person I always want to share my everything with, we laugh together, cry together and sometimes have no clue where to go next, TOGETHER!
    Both of us have made mistakes, have hurt each other, but decided to work hard to ensure our relationship lasts.
    If you love your partner, enjoy their company and your willing to work hard, you can make it, regardless of the steps mentioned.
    The signs are a good base to start, but only the 2 of you can make it work…

  130. Mpule101 says:

    I thought I knew him, only to find out he was lying above normal, cheating and insulting me …I could only take so much. One day I sat down with him and I told him if he continues to be what he is..SELFISH, I WILL LEAVE!

    I told him I might be a woman and it might take time for me to get over him but what he does I can do…I can cheat if I want and I can lie just like him and insult him even better but I don’t …I have self respect, I respect him and I hope he can respect me as well…I then told him from that day what he brings in the relationship I will bring as well…He started coming home straight from work even lunch time and he did not stop insulting until I showed him I have a mouth as well..then he changed we have being married for 8 years now we have children and he is now with me as christians! For some they just need a wake up call…For some if there is hope honesty , even if it hurts him

    Be honest with him…don’t cry for him…tell him the truth. .remember if he walks out he would have walked out any way if he stay respect him while guiding him. Fight for the one you love…but don’t fight were you see there is no hope.
    If he loves you: he will change for you (stop lying and cheating )
    HE will appreciate your input…and walks away rather than to shout at you. do the same as well come down and be gendle.

    No one is perfect…Just tell him from the start. ..don’t wait for the ring…before the ring make it a point to tell him what you want in a relationship. Do to me what you want me to do to you! Hope things walks out …and prayers help as well..pray for him..pray that God makes him a better husband…A husband that will love and respect you and be honest with you..As for that I know God answered my prayer! God bless you

  131. Bridget singi says:

    Be careful. If he brags about his achievements and his wealth, you may be dealing with a conman ????

Comments are closed.

Get 30% Off All Clothing & Homeware
To celebrate The Daily Positive donating over 100,000 meals to people in need. Each item you purchase provides another 10 meals reaching those in need.
x