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“Our greatest fear should not be of failure, but of succeeding at things in life that don't really matter.” – Francis Chan

When we come to the end of our life, we all want to be able to look back and feel fulfillment, purpose and peace.

The last thing we want is to have regrets.

We can learn a lot from people who have gone before us, including people at their end-stage of life who have shared about their own regrets. The infographic below on based on regrets expressed by people in nursing homes and palliative care.

Top 10 Regrets Of The Dying
Original Source: www.addicted2success.com

Have No Regrets

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Top 10 Regrets Of The Dying Top 10 Regrets Of The Dying

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Comments

61 Responses

  1. I should have spoken my mind instead of holding back and resenting things – I turn to hold back on a lot of things
    & I never pursued my dreams and aspirations ….

  2. Excellent list – i have done all i wanted in life, and have no regrets, i am still young enough, to do things if i choose, i also had the man of my dreams too, i was happy, and i though that he was too, he threw himself into his work to avoid me, and then he left me for someone else and he is not happy with his choice, i am trying desparatly to convince him to be happy, and if its not me,(yes i would take him back) if he wants, that he should find someone else to be happy with, as life is short and we only have one go at it. i am keeping a copy of this list to show him and also my friends. thanks for sharing

  3. Many of these are choices of the privileged class – 1, 2, 3, 7, 8, 9, 10, particularly question #7 and that having kids will assure happiness later in life and that they will be there for you. I have older relatives who had children/cousins but are separated from them because of conflicts, and these are older relatives in their 80s. Just because you have children doesn’t mean they’ll be there for you. I am there for my parents. I know some people my age who have nothing to do with their parents. And many parents aren’t able to leave money to their children as they just don’t have it. Many of these points are a dream of those who are privileged and does not apply to the majority who don’t have a choice of what they do for a living as they just need to get by. My husband and I do not have kids and we are very happy with our lives and circles of friends, our families and are able to chose our careers and how we spend our time. The majority of people I would say do not have that privilege of choice.

    1. Any time people mention the “privileged” class it always raises a red flag for me. It says to me that they are choosing to be a victim and that they’ve already accepted defeat. It’s so easy to say oh, poor me. I’m not rich, I’m not smart, nobody handed me an opportunity to make my life better. Boo hoo. Many of the so called privileged class arrived there because of their hard work. They may not have been the smartest, richest or luckiest to have great opportunity but they made a life for themselves and succeeded. I’m sure many of them tried and tried again until they did come to a place of comfort. It seems like you protest the having children point too much. If it was something you didn’t want to do so what? You’re happy with that decision great. Most people don’t have children so they are taken care of in old age, that is a selfish thought. And most people who have had children who don’t care for them don’t expect them to. I don’t know why you included having children with being privileged. That’s just ridiculous and we all know a good part of the population propagates and expects the government to pay for bringing up their children. Just another flaw of our people.

    2. “Just because you have children doesn’t mean they’ll be there for you”

      Not to mention that in this unchecked capitalist age, those children will be having to work like asses to make a living and sustain their lives and their own children. Therefore they wont be able to be there even if they want to.

  4. Again Dale, by no coincidence, you have posted something that I needed to hear in exactly the right moment. Thank you for taking the time to selflessly share these tidbits of wisdom. grateful.

  5. Such a lovely attempt to help those of us who are still young & healthy raise awareness of what matters in life! I do appreciate this article. Unfortunately, I have heard #2 way too many times and I agree with “PJ” that this list (especially #2) is full of choices of the privileged class. I love my family more than anything. I am not a “career-minded” woman trying to work my way up some ladder and focusing only on the praise I receive from those in the workforce – I would MUCH rather be at home with my children, spending time with them and hanging out. I’m not even a single mom – I got married before I had any children, I only had two kids, and both my husband and I graduated from college and sought the best jobs we could find. And neither of us has ever been unemployed for any extended period of time, and we have never been on public assistance. In other words, I would say we are doing ALL WE POSSIBLY CAN to rightfully support our family. We don’t have luxuries, we don’t live beyond our means, we don’t have credit card debts – we don’t even own our home. But we understand that we have to work in order to eat. And often that means working a second job (for either or both of us) just to pay medical bills, grocery bills, buy gas for our late-model vehicles, and manage to eek out the necessities in life. We never ask our aging parents to help pay our bills – they are OUR bills. But we definitely struggle. When I hear someone talk about “working too much and not spending enough time with family”, it makes me sick to my stomach. Seriously, what the heck MORE could I possibly be doing to make time for my family? I need to make sure they are not in poor health or malnourished, so I HAVE TO WORK. I have to work a lot. 🙁

    1. Hey, Trish, I know exactly what you mean and I’m in the same page as you. I think this article is not patronizing, as if it was saying: “You work to much and you don’t make time for your family, shame on you!” It is just a realization of numerous people that, looking back, they think they could have made more time for their family, as in being with them, physically, for a larger period of time. Many of them surely weren’t part of the privileged class, but life experience thought them that some of those items could have been met event without the privilege. And some of those items could refer only to states of mind, such as “living truthfully”, which doesn’t imply having money to spend in expensive trips – only having your mind set more in the present moment rather than preoccupied with things that may happen. And specifically about “working too much”, this could mean only having your mind out of work when not at work, for example, I think. When we are with our spouses and children, we should really BE with them, that’s all, giving our thoughts and attention to them and not to problems at work or about getting a different job, etc. That’s just my view on it, I hope it resonates with you.

      1. I agree Allan – and I also understand what Trish is saying. I was a single parent and had to do it tough to support my son, but there’s something missing here. Taking stock of your life or pulling back to get a bird’s eye view of how you’re living and what you can do to make things better is a good way of dealing with spinning your wheels and going nowhere.

        If your work is not conducive to a happy balance – analyze the situation and create a better pathway. I used to be a Career Adviser and helped many people by looking at how they could better themselves and their situations to find better jobs that paid more and gave them a greater sense of fulfillment.

        Those of us in Trish’s situation would benefit if we took a look at the local job markets and skill shortages in our areas, in order to try and align our skill-sets with what’s going on in the labor market. Also – seek out opportunities that give us a chance to make money from our hobbies – like local markets and selling crafts, art, writing, cooking etc.

        Check out local community centers that might have classes – either free or cheap – to skill up (matching local labor needs, as mentioned above) so that your skill-set is enhanced – making your resume more appealing to the labor market.

        Thinking outside the box and using the old adage, “Work smarter, not harder” – paves the way for a happier life – at work and at home. Not trying to be preachy – just trying to help!

  6. Remember that this is the result of a poll of the dying. There are no wrong answers. It should make us all contemplate our daily choices and goals. A powerful motivator. And while we don’t always choose our circumstances we do choose our attitudes and responses to it in trying to be happy.

  7. #5 is a tough one due to so many people in today’s world that would rather fight you than debate you. We are quickly becoming an uncivilized society…

  8. I am bad at talking to girls. And it has become a habit to hold myself back even if an opportunity knocks my door. I am trying hard to break this mental rut of shyness. I want to die a bold person. Any help will be appreciated.

    1. I was painfully shy as a teenager, and terrified of rejection. I started to tell myself, “hey, she’s WITH you man, so she LIKES you, FOOL!” And, “what have you got to lose!” I also imagined the billions of centuries in the distant future in which I would be dead as a doornail and all would be utterly insignificant, immaterial, gone forever. What a horrible thought! Seize the day! When I finally got the guts to reach out and touch a girl, or move for a kiss, the results were….. NICE! Hey, I’m no playboy, either. Just wanted to love and be loved. Most girls are waiting for the guys to make the moves. At least that’s the way it was when I was young!

  9. Number 10 – back when I used to have an eating disorder, I tried my hardest every single day to be happy, but because of my disorder, I was still miserable. However, with time, I got better, and today I am very happy. 🙂

  10. There is a book “When the Game is Over, It All goes Back in the Box” by John Ortberg. I think we are here on earth for a specific purpose and how we spend that time during this lifetime is all that matters. We need to realize that everything we have was given to us for a purpose and what we do with those material things is up to us. We didn’t come in this life with them and we aren’t going out with them. They all belong to God and are only for us to use. I believe that we are to use them for our family and friends and all those in our path as we go through life, to live the life that God wants us to live. Nothing belongs to us personally, only entrusted to us. If a person really believes that we each have what we are supposed to have, I think it is easy to share those things, to be giving, and to leave those things behind at the right time. Aging should be graceful and appreciated.

  11. I know lots of older people who do not regret not having children, and i know some people with kids who don’t care about them at all. never a guarantee with kids. I think wanting someone to be there for you when you are old is a terrible reason to have children. But none of my business…just an observation.

  12. Having kids is no guarantee that they will be there for you. I have a job where I work on lots of senior and I hear all their stories. Also many people nowadays have no retirement through no fault of their own. Pensions have become obsolete and those that have 401ks have seen them diminish. There are also cases of people becoming ill in between jobs and having their 401ks wiped out for medical expenses. It is wise to plan but then again for some people, life has a way of making their plans go sideways.

  13. I love this list! I actually use her 5 Regret List when I teach Stress Management for Correctional Officers. Each point is going to be individual for each person, but the list overall really helps people start to think about where they are in their lives, if there are any changes they want to make, and what goals they want to set for themselves. I will definitely be upgrading to this 10 Regret List!

  14. This is a great list. I would add/include knowing which virtues you live by. We focus so much on love we forget about the other virtues such as courage, hope, honor, etc. I mean, they obviously all go together but sometimes there is one virtue guiding our lives. I wish I understood this in high school. I’m just getting clear on this in my thirties. Which leads me to another addition to my list. To not be scared to own my life. For anyone who has experienced violence from others, regularly, courage can be an antidote. Sometimes having the courage to hide and protect ourselves from further harm can be huge. Having the audacity to put ourselves first rather than seeking hero status can take courage.

  15. I am facing death soon from cancer. I have been married 44 years to a good woman….but as I look back I’m not sure she ever really loved me or, to be honest not sure if I ever really loved her. I am ashamed to admit that lately I have been thinking of others I knew before my wife, and wondering how my life would have been different if I had married someone else. I feel great guilt for even having these thoughts

    1. Hi Jim, I hear you and acknowledge you. It is a brave and beautiful thing to allow oneself to honestly reflect. I can only encourage you to have deep love for yourself, and for each person you know, knowing that all we ever do in this life is do the best we know in any given situation, and hopefully learn valuable things along the way. In my view it is less about the paths we take and the choices we make, and more about what we LEARN in doing so, how we evolve in our awareness and who we choose to be in this present moment. It is never too late to choose our way of being, in this very moment, to choose to love ourselves deeply (including all our faults and weaknesses, our past and our present included, we are all human and perfect in all our imperfections). I wish you peace, I wish you healing, may life surround you with everything you need. Blessings, Bernadette

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