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7 Must Do’s While You’re Single

Singlehood doesn’t have to be a time of suffering or loneliness. It’s not a place of deficiency or lack. Singlehood should be celebrated and explored – these are the years where many of us actually find out who we are.

So who are you? Do you even know? Do you live out your singleness in a way that brings clarity to your purpose? Is your journey one of excitement, variety, and learning?

My point is this, you can do certain things while you're single that you can't do as easily when you're married. Take it from me. My wife and I just had our first baby – a wonderful blessing to for sure – but definitely a game changer. Even activities like going out to dinner or hanging with friends have changed for this season.

We always hear people always say, “hindsight is 20/20”. So here's my perfect suggestions for those who are single 🙂

7 Must-Do’s While You’re Single…

1. Live alone.

As hard as it is to live alone, you get to know yourself in an extreme, intense, and deeply satisfying way. It teaches us to live happily in solitude. It provides quiet to think. It allows us to become self reliant. I lived alone for 6 years before we got married and I believe, if nothing else, that time provided me a great deal of confidence in my ability to survive.

2. Quit your job.

It feels so good to take a job and shove it (and not be affecting anyone else’s livelihood). It doesn’t seem as irresponsible to up and quit when it’s just your mouth you’re feeding. So if the job isn’t right for you, get out of there. Don’t waste another minute – this is your life we're talking about.

3. Fly to a foreign country by yourself.

I was nervous on my first solo trip to Mexico, even though now I almost always have to travel alone. You learn so much about who you are in how you handle foreign currency, foreign accents, and foreign chaos. It's a cultural adventure and doing it alone, without worrying of checking in, when to call, and when to be back, is quite exhilarating.

4. Spend a weekend with a married couple your age.

Listen to how they speak to one another. Notice their non-verbals. Ask about the rhythms of their daily life. Make a mental note: marriage is not perfect, nor is it the solution to what ails you. Be happy for your married friends and satisfied in where you’re at today. Know that many of us stay single forever, and that's great. Life is about community, food, faith , travel, relationships, and love. Not just marriage. 

5. Take a long trip with your best friend.

Plan a trip you won’t be able to take once you are married because your spouse will either: a) want to join or b) not be able to survive the time without you. You can backpack through Southeast Asia, staying at random hostels, or couch surf your way through Western Europe. I have a friend Jeddidiah Jenkins who over 18 months (right now) is riding his bike from Oregon to Patagonia with a few of his close friends. Get out there and go.

7. Be a good wingwoman or wingman (and watch Top Gun).

It’s not always about you. Sometimes your best friends need your full-on support in their pursuit of risk and romance. Finding someone to love and putting yourself out there is not easy, but with a good friend at your side who eloquently drops the high points of your resume during a conversation with an exciting suitor, it can become much less complicated.

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Comments

168 Responses

  1. I wish I had of had this great advise when I was in my senior year of high school. It would have been perfect for me. It’s okay though because I have a 19 year old daughter that can do these things. The way I see it, the only big thing that will hold one back…first things first, you have to have finances for food, lodging, etc.
    Plan A – Hit the lottery
    Plan B – Hit the grandparents, parents, godparents, uncles, aunts, cousins up for $! lol
    Plan C – werk, werk, werk, and save yo’ money honey! 😀

    Definitely will share the points you have made with all my YOUNG single friends. They truly don’t get that this is some of the best years of their life. I’ll share it with some of my older single friends too. We are never to old to learn..

  2. Very good article! I’m single for more than 3 years (with 2 kids) but I have done already 1, 3, 4, 6, 7. The second I haven’t done because I’m a job-seeker.
    But I have to agree to the fullest: you can never know/understand yourself, your character, your true colors to the depths until you do not stay alone for minimal 2-3 months. I would highly recommend to everyone to stay alone for a couple of months, but I think a lot of people are struggling in very bad relationships because they are afraid to stay alone with themselves and face their own personality.

    1. Article is gud but not helpful for me. I m married n have a kid but still alone. I dont have any hobby to put myself busy.M Homemaker left with no money to make foreign trips. I dont have any friends. M mentally so weak n into pain coz of lonliness.

      1. been there… start exercising, all the time, build yourself back up.. start working. your schedule, figure it out…don’t let your kid think this is life. trust me, worst mistake ever.

      2. Sara I know exactly what you mean. Marriage was the loneliest point in my life. When he ditched me and our three very young kids for a younger girl ( I was 28!). I am still adrift. And I am not the person who needs another person to define me! I do send my good wishes to you. Don’t resign. Take care.

  3. Hello, I absolutely loved your article! 🙂 It was wonderfully insightful and informative! I have been thinking about planning a solo trip, I just can’t decide where and when.. You know the feeling.. I have even gone for three months without dating.. actually, more than three, but that’s beside the point. I am so glad you wrote it in such a charming and warm way! thanks again.

  4. Well I would love to quit my job and just be a college student who doesn’t “work”. How would I go about that???

    1. See how no one replied to your question?? That’s because no one wanted to lie or tell the truth. Don’t do that. Reduce hours yes. Quit job and have no income but a steady flow of bills? No. Please seek God for guidance bt don’t just quit.

      1. I had a horrible boss and quit my job two years ago with no job lined up. It was disastrous. I was denied unemployment benefits for voluntarily resigning and had no income for 9 months. I would do it differently second time around & not just quit because I was not happy.

        1. I also quit my job. But I thought trought it first. I wasn’t enjoying it anymore and knew that it had to end eventually for me to seek for something new and better. So, I saved money, a lot, before quitting, then I quit, moved away from my hometown, seek for a new job in a big city and found it within two months! A lot of people told me that I wouldn’t find a job fast, because there was none, and it was hard, etc etc etc… and I found it in two months. And I’m happier that I have ever been.
          So, stop whining about how bad your job is but how much you need it, and start saving money to go and do whatever you want to do!

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  6. A little about 6 months ago, I ran into this article. I chose and decided to implement some of those points in my life. Needless to say, I moved out and got my own apartment. I love the idea of tranquility and peace. I traveled to Costa Rica by myself which was simply amazing, I was able to surf and simply relax on the beach for a few days. Whenever I feel that I’m not making enough money to provide, I simply remember that I’m on my own and it is the only mouth I have to worry about feeding. I haven’t dated anyone for over 3 months and this has actually helped me realize that there are a lot of things in my life that I need to take care of and actually begin to start doing so I can become that person who someone wants to date. Wonderful article and I’m sure within time I will be implementing more of those points in my life.

    1. Costa Rica is simply perfect for this. Hahahaha… I’ve lived here for about 8 years. It’s beautiful and perfect place to try to survive on your own!!

  7. I’ve been single for all my life and I’m loving it. People tell me to get a boyfriend but I’m like “I’m perfectly fine with my own company” I don’t need someone else to make me happy. I want to be defined by myself. Not by someone else.

    1. I hate hate hate being single ! I did everything in this article before I ever read it, so it came along at the wrong time . I will admit that nobody’s ready to get married until they’ve gone for at least three years without a girlfriend / boyfriend, taken a trip that your marriage partner might not want to take, and do all the things your marriage partner might not want you to do . This isn’t permission to sin by any means . You can’t do these three years when you’re in school, either . These three years can’t begin until you’re out of college .

  8. i found this a very interesting article, we must discover ourselves first, we must live first before sharing our lives, after that it will be much more mature and solid,

  9. dance at the front right by the band, not caring if anyone’s dancing with you or not! sooo freeing to groove and not feel like you need a partner or a best friend to have a good time–scary but so much fun!

  10. Being Single really sucks for many of us Good men and women out there hoping and praying to find Love these days which has become very Difficult for many of us.

  11. I am soon to be married 30 years to my best friend. This would not have been possible if I had not discovered WHO I AM before committing to marriage. That does not mean I had to be single for a very long time. To me it meant I needed to experience things on my own before sharing everything with someone else. This allowed me to add to the relationship, rather than take on someone else’s life. I had to find out how I would react to challenges in life without a partner in order to be a better partner.
    Once I entered into the marriage vow I knew who I was and what I was capable of on my own, so I could lean on my partner for love and support, not necessarily to survive.
    Single people should never be afraid to fall in love (not to be confused with sex). Build your life while keeping your heart open to love when it finds you. Find the person you can not live without while discovering who you are today.

  12. Being single i think its the best solution cause ive bn hurt many times.n nw m done with guys.until only GOD knws wen!

  13. Great at younger age … at 60+ being single and male is NO good.
    Marriage or committed relationship is the better way.

    If single at 60+, find out what is wrong and sabatoging a relationship. You don’t have “give it a few years” … a year at 60+ is like 5-7 years at 35.

    Resolve to quit making excuses for not being in a relationship. There is something wrong – fix it.

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