There’s an upside to being a single mom?
If you would have asked me four years ago, I definitely would not have had the mind to write this. Fortunately, as time moves on and old wounds heal, I’m able to find valuable life lessons from the bad.
If you’re not quite there yet, you may think I’ve lost my mind. In the midst of the storm, it’s next to impossible to see the advantages. Be that as it may, being able to see the bright side of single motherhood means you’re taking charge of your own happiness.
To make it in this life, you must take the hand you are dealt and run with it.
Unfortunately, many single moms still feel shame and have difficulty seeing the bright side of single motherhood. A lot of that shame originates from themselves, family beliefs, religion, society, internet trolls, the list is endless.
With this in mind, I do acknowledge that there are downsides to being a single mom and I’ve experienced some myself. I don’t dwell on them; it’s far too depressing.
I’ve found that focusing on the positive is the gateway to a healthier and happier life! If you’re a single mom looking to make a change in mindset, here’s the bright side of single motherhood…
1. Becoming More Independent and Responsible
In the beginning, I was frustrated with the change in family dynamics and was confronted with the possibility of parenting alone. I was terrified. Not only would I be parenting alone, I would also have to figure out how to do things I would not normally do in our household.
Before I became a single mom, I would have never put together dining room furniture on my own. I also would have never attempted to put together my children’s bunk beds. And still, to this day, I feel so much pride in having completed those tasks.
I didn’t have to ask someone else for this to be completed, because I now rely on myself. Thus, eliminating the frustration I’d normally felt in my relationship.
Another advantage of being a single mom is being in control of all the money. I know what’s being paid, what I have left over, and I’m no longer frustrated.
2. Getting Out of Abusive Relationships
Leaving an unhealthy relationship with your child’s other parent is for the best. Especially when you have suffered from abuse. The abuse doesn’t always just mean physical violence. You can be verbally or emotionally abused as well.
Often enough, some single moms leave abusive relationships or someone who is consistently cheating on them. Or a mom like myself, leaving to better my mental health.
You should never feel shame for doing something that is both right for you and your child. There is nothing wrong with wanting to raise your kids in a safe and loving environment. Yes, it is ideal for you to raise your child together, but think about the long-term benefits.
3. Learning From Past Mistakes
After the passing of a breakup or divorce, you are allowed time to reflect.
Look back at what you may have done wrong in the relationship. For example, not speaking up about your needs, being too needy, focusing more time on your kids and next to no time on your relationship.
Do this as a way to give yourself some closure if needed, but not as a window to go backward. Keep in mind, you did end the relationship for good reasons. Yes, you have children together, but children are not a reason to stay in a toxic relationship.
4. Gaining Community
You now belong to a community of beautiful, intelligent, and brave women. Finding a tribe of women who can get inspiration from, bounce ideas off of, or create new friendships can be a beautiful thing. These are women who are some of your biggest supporters who have been there so they may have a ton of advice.
It’s important to have people to talk to when your family or friends just don’t get it or you’re fed up with being judged. You need some kind of support system.
If social media associations aren’t your thing. No problem! Meet single moms in your local community. Don’t know how to find single moms in your community? Start with websites like MeetUp.
If you are having trouble seeing the bright side of your experience with being a single mom stop focusing too much energy on the bad. Look at what you’ve gained. Life does not always turn out how you expect, but you are in control of your own fate. Your life is what you make of it.
You have to decide whether you’re going to let the disadvantages derail you or whether you’ll choose to flourish through any adversity. Yes, things didn’t work out quite like you may have planned, but it is up to you how you let these obstacles affect the rest of your life.
- Tips for Dealing With Your Ex Peacefully, for the Sake of the Kids
- Affirmations for Mothers
- 32 Facts to Remember When People are Unsupportive
- 5 Types of People to Avoid & 5 Types of People to Surround Yourself With
Daisha is an Atlanta based single mom, psych student, blogger, and podcaster. On her blog, Daisha Renee, she helps overwhelmed single moms by providing effective solutions for single parenting.