When you’re dating and in the early stages of a relationship attraction tends to be most effortless. It’s just “there”.
There’s a reason we want to date and be in relationship with someone in the first place, it’s a combination of factors that draw us in and often the physical aspect of attraction in the early stages is strong.
But what about beyond the initial dating, beyond the honeymoon phase, beyond the rush of excitement. What creates and sustains attraction in a long term relationship?
What do people find attractive in men beyond the obvious surface level traits (e.g. personality, appearance, personal style/lifestyle).
While the deeper foundations of attraction might be different for each individual, there are some no-brainer attraction factors when it comes to an ideal partner.
As a man, if you nail these things, you’re on rock solid ground for sustaining love, attraction and intimacy in your relationship.
1. You’re Both Strong & Willing to Be Vulnerable
It’s super attractive when a man has strength of character and personal power, and in equal measures he is willing to be vulnerable (raw, real, honest, share the deeper parts of himself, talk about his feelings)
Each person has within them these 2 traits (strength AND vulnerability), it’s just about how much we consciously choose to live this way and show these sides of ourselves to others.
Society often conditions men to believe they must be “strong” and nothing else, or worse yet… conditioning men to believe that by being vulnerable somehow it makes them weak.
Vulnerability = strength. Full stop.
To be willing to be vulnerable is one of the strongest things you can do.
2. You Live a Healthy Lifestyle
When a man takes good care of himself (in his mental, emotional and physical wellness) it shows he cares about himself, and most likely that he will care about those around him too.
It shows self determination, will power, commitment, follow through, dedication, conscious choices, positive habits and responsibility.
These are all the ideal traits to have in a person you want to spend your life with! It’s very attractive!
So think about having a balanced life in terms of fitness, nutrition and lifestyle choices.
And by the way… first and foremost do these things for yourself (not to make yourself more attractive to other people!). Do the best for yourself, because you deserve it, and as your best self you’ll notice the bonus flow on effect is other people will see it, admire it and be magnetized toward you.
3. You Have Good Values
Have you noticed how much society admires people who know their values and actively live their life aligned to their values. It shows clarity, character and commitment.
Someone who has good values (things like honesty, trust, love, equality and kindness) is always going to shine and stand out.
Nothing is more attractive than a pure and good heart. Surface level attractiveness only goes so far.
Think about the type of person you want to be in a relationship with and what types of values you would want them to have. Notice how attractive people are when they have values that inspire you (be it ambition, wellbeing, generosity or adventure). Their values draw you in.
Once you see how values attract you to others, you can better see how important it is to fully live your own values, knowing that makes you most attractive to your ideal type of partner.
4. You Have a Positive, Optimistic, Resilient Mindset
There’s nothing more reassuring and inspiring to be around than someone with a solid mindset that looks forward with positivity and optimism, and in times of challenge has resilience and the attitude to get through and find brighter times ahead.
These traits are SO attractive in a man. It provides a sense of security, safety and reassurance, and it’s just the type of person you’d want to spend your life with!
5. You’re Willing to Grow
There’s nothing more unattractive than someone who can’t see their own faults, weaknesses or challenges, who won’t admit their mistakes, who won’t apologize when it’s warranted, who is stubborn and refuses
On the other hand, it’s an incredibly attractive and valuable trait to be genuinely interested in and willing to grow as a person. It provides endless possibilities for the relationship, as it means both people can grow together!
6. You Know What You Want in Life OR You’re on an Active Journey of Discovery
Being around someone who knows who they are and what they want is inspiring! It’s an attractive feature full stop. When you know who you are, what you’re about, what you value, what’s important to you in life
and what you want in your life (your vision, goals, dreams), that is full of good vibes! You’ll draw in all sorts of people who resonate with this – not just for dating/relationships but new friends, work opportunities and so much more.
That said, lots of people go through times in their life when they have no clue who they are or what they want. That’s more than okay! The key is this – being aware of these questions and being actively on a journey of self discovery and discovery about what matters to you and what you want to experience in life.
7. You’re Capable of Taking Care of Yourself
A man who knows how to and willingly does take care of himself, his home, his work, his money, his life and his loved ones is super attractive. It shows responsibility, commitment, self respect, respect for life.
great facts pointed out.
Question im a single father. My daughter is 12. I haven’t seen her in over 2 months. What should i do? Someone clearly brainwashed her , it also happened to my other daughter when she was around the same age she fadded from me. Is it my X-Wife that needs the Help ? I have no say in any of it. Also was dating a lady somehow my X wife spoke to the ladies mother about me, god knows what my X said. Is life fair?
Hi J, thanks for your message. It can be so challenging in situations where something changes but you don’t know what changed, why it changed, or what caused it. My suggestion would be to use calm, open, clear communication to directly ask, to find out more, to welcome open heartedly feedback from those involved as to what has changed and what is going on, how they feel, what they want, and how to find a way forward together. That open communication is the basis for forging a path forward. So often if we don’t ask or don’t communicate openly, we can end up living in a void of information, worrying about the “what ifs” and potentially living in assumptions in the absence of facts. While it’s not always possible to get answers, or others may not want to engage and communicate, all you can do is do your best, be open, be loving, share what you want, and see what possibility exists. With children, if they don’t communicate back, if they withdraw or shut down, in the pain and confusion this may cause to your own heart, the most important thing to preserve that relationship for future is to love them no matter what, to continue to communicate that love openly and regularly, and to never give up. Your love is a vital presence for them, whether it’s seeing them in person or not, getting loving communication to them in any shape or form, so they know you care and are there. Wishing you the best. B
It’s called parental alienation, and is well documented. You have to fight for your daughter because the statistics show future harm, emotionally.
No, life is not fair. There is no such thing as ‘fair’ and whoever told you it was fair, is a liar.