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7 Things You Never Do After a Breakup

Humans suck at breakups!

We've done everything from throwing tv's out of windows and embarrassing ourselves through late night texting to seeking revenge and stalking our ex on Facebook. So let's take a step back and look at breakups; but not from a pop culture standpoint rather from an emotionally healthy perspective.

What does a healthy breakup look like? How do you process? How do you communicate? But even more important, what do you avoid. To be honest, I've probably done all of these at some point in my life. They weren't my proudest moments, but it happened. 🙂

Here are the 7 Things You Never Do After a Breakup

Pretend You're Fine

I think this tendency is driven from the “stupid” part of our brains. We must STOP pretending that we cannot be hurt. We can't avoid it, we all feel pain. It's part of our anatomy. Instead, punch a pillow, scream at your house, yell at your neighbors cat :). Cry. You too, men. You don't need to cry in public or at work, but if you feel like crying, do it. Smart people call this process “grieving” and it's proven to be the fastest and healthiest way to recover. Let's stop pretending and kill the numbness.  Your life of true, healthy emotion is waiting.

Try to be “Just Friends”

After Breakups

People can almost never turn a  breakup into healthy friendship, and until you’re okay with the idea of your ex dating someone new — and vice versa — you’re not ready to be friends. It's important to create intentional space and let yourself grieve the end of the relationship. If your ex is pushing to be your pal, stand your ground. Right now, you’re not looking for a friend who looks exactly like the person you just broke up with.

Seek Revenge

Don't damage their stuff, kidnap their dog, or cancel their credit card. If you share an apartment be a responsible adult and work through the division of your stuff with peace. Even if you've been betrayed and broken. Maybe even cheated on. Revenge only feeds into your bitterness, stoops you to their level, and it offers no healing. Focus on people who make you happy and lean into forgiveness. It's the only way out.

Sleep Together

Don't do it. In our broken state we give into our need for intimacy. This is not the way. People think it will help soften the pain. But in reality, relationships are like a drug. There is only one way to quit and that's, cold-turkey. Remember, there was never a person on their death bed who said, “I wish I would of slept with my ex one more time.”

Stalk them Online

The social media world has really made this tough. I always tell people never post anything about your breakup online. No matter how vague or harmless it might seem. Secondly, never look at your ex's profiles. Unfriend, unfollow, and block. There is nothing like a late night photo of your ex on a date to completely ruin your week. Fight the urge. Fast from social media for a few weeks. What ever it takes.

Get a Haircut or Tattoo

I had a friend once tell me, “never make a bold decision in a valley only on the mountain top.” There is nothing more obvious to the world that you don't know how to properly deal with your pain than a new haircut, a new style, and a tattoo. Don't buy a motorcycle, don't leave the country, and don't move. Wait at least 30 days before you make any big decisions. I like to think after a breakup you are legally “emotionally insane”. Even though hair grows back, your bad pho-hawk might bruise your already broken confidence.

Give up

I'll never find him. I'm not good enough. I'm ugly. Don't let these statements hit your mind. It's normal to be upset and to feel bad. But don't lose hope. Learn the difference from being upset for a few weeks and depression. Stay around people and embrace your singleness. Be excited that you are one step closer to finding your match.

What stupid thing have you done after a breakup?

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Comments

51 Responses

  1. I remember lying in my room when I was in high school and writing in a journal to my future husband. I’d write all sorts of notes and questions and things I’d wonder or ask this man when I eventually met him. I would wonder where he was and what he was doing and if he was thinking about me too. It has always been such a strong desire in my heart to find a wonderful man to marry, someone who would love me and cherish me and appreciate me for the person I am. I always thought I would get married right out of college, just like my parents, so when thcat plan didn’t work out, I started to get discouraged. A school mate snatched my future husband away from my arms just because she had spiritual powers, all hope was lost to me before i came across the help doctor (prayerstosaverelationship@yahoo.com) who i confided in, i told him my long story and he helped me regain back my lover with his prayers which is now my husband today. if you have any problem email the help doctor (prayerstosaverelationship@yahoo.com).

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  3. Hello I am erianna from usa ,I am out here to spread this good news to the entire world on how I got my ex lover back.I was going crazy when my love left me for another girl last month, But when i meet a friend that introduce me to Dr igbodo the great messenger to the oracle that he serve,I narrated my problem to Dr igbodo about how my ex lover left me cand also how i needed to get a job in a very big company.He only said to me that i have come to the right place were i will be getting my heart desire without any side effect.He told me what i need to do,After it was been done,In the next 2 days,My ex lover called me on the phone and was saying sorry for living me before now and also in the next one week after my ex lover called me to be pleading for forgiveness,I was called for interview in my desired company were i needed to work as the managing director..I am so happy and overwhelmed that i have to tell this to the entire world to contact Dr igbodo at the following email address and get all your problem solve..No problem is too big for him to solve..Contact him direct on:(igbodospiritualtemple@gmail.com)… and get your problems solve.

  4. Hi, im from the Philippines and had just broken up with my gf of 11 years because she cheated on me with her married boss. Stupid thing i did… When the wife contacted me to let me know how she felt about their closeness, i told her things i know i shouldnt have about what i know happened between her husband and my gf. My gf found out and now shes the one whose furious and hates me! I know i shouldnt have done it. Now im more miserable.

  5. I want to confess something…. I was dating a divorcee for a year… Her family and she herself pushed me to get married asap coz age was the factor.. my parents were against it….. I fought with them for 3 months to meet her and finally they agreed to give a thought… After that my ex got cold feet and cited no reasons… She said she wants to be with me but does not want to get married.. i said ill give you time and I understand you… After few days she told me she needs time for herself since she has been into lot of relationships and wants to take some time off and needs space.. i gave her space to which she used to message me in every two days …. i asked her to stop that because it affects me as well… After some time i asked her to meet me to official close this coz i came to know about her past and her trends and was very hurt for it.. She refused and said i need time for myself and i am not doing anything…Please give me time .. She kept on calling me in 10-15 days and I refused to pick up the calls coz I was feeling tortured for this… I was her friend and was in deep love with her since marriage was on cards so I told her that Ill wait for u for some time and them i will move on… I told her to give me final closure and asked her if she is involved with somebody to which she said no and questioned me being possessive… Nobody contacted each other for a month and den i messaged her to meet me for dinner to which she refused.. i did not call her nor did i messaged her after dat … She called me after 10 days but I did not pick up coz I was angry and wanted to get over her… (She had done exactly similar stuffs with past 4 boyfriends and I know she is a commitment phobic)… I was coping up on my anger and was trying to move on until one day i saw her kissing the same person from my office which i had asked about… I got shocked and couldn’t get that sight over me.. I got drunk broke side mirrors of her car and wrote something abusive on the same… Everybody know this and I am feeling guilty for the same. But I am angry on her that she moved on in like 15 days.

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