Humans suck at breakups!

We've done everything from throwing tv's out of windows and embarrassing ourselves through late night texting to seeking revenge and stalking our ex on Facebook. So let's take a step back and look at breakups; but not from a pop culture standpoint rather from an emotionally healthy perspective.

What does a healthy breakup look like? How do you process? How do you communicate? But even more important, what do you avoid. To be honest, I've probably done all of these at some point in my life. They weren't my proudest moments, but it happened. 🙂

Here are the 7 Things You Never Do After a Breakup

Pretend You're Fine

I think this tendency is driven from the “stupid” part of our brains. We must STOP pretending that we cannot be hurt. We can't avoid it, we all feel pain. It's part of our anatomy. Instead, punch a pillow, scream at your house, yell at your neighbors cat :). Cry. You too, men. You don't need to cry in public or at work, but if you feel like crying, do it. Smart people call this process “grieving” and it's proven to be the fastest and healthiest way to recover. Let's stop pretending and kill the numbness.  Your life of true, healthy emotion is waiting.

Try to be “Just Friends”

After BreakupsPeople can almost never turn a  breakup into healthy friendship, and until you’re okay with the idea of your ex dating someone new — and vice versa — you’re not ready to be friends. It's important to create intentional space and let yourself grieve the end of the relationship. If your ex is pushing to be your pal, stand your ground. Right now, you’re not looking for a friend who looks exactly like the person you just broke up with.

Seek Revenge

Don't damage their stuff, kidnap their dog, or cancel their credit card. If you share an apartment be a responsible adult and work through the division of your stuff with peace. Even if you've been betrayed and broken. Maybe even cheated on. Revenge only feeds into your bitterness, stoops you to their level, and it offers no healing. Focus on people who make you happy and lean into forgiveness. It's the only way out.

Sleep Together

Don't do it. In our broken state we give into our need for intimacy. This is not the way. People think it will help soften the pain. But in reality, relationships are like a drug. There is only one way to quit and that's, cold-turkey. Remember, there was never a person on their death bed who said, “I wish I would of slept with my ex one more time.”

Stalk them Online

The social media world has really made this tough. I always tell people never post anything about your breakup online. No matter how vague or harmless it might seem. Secondly, never look at your ex's profiles. Unfriend, unfollow, and block. There is nothing like a late night photo of your ex on a date to completely ruin your week. Fight the urge. Fast from social media for a few weeks. What ever it takes.

Get a Haircut or Tattoo

I had a friend once tell me, “never make a bold decision in a valley only on the mountain top.” There is nothing more obvious to the world that you don't know how to properly deal with your pain than a new haircut, a new style, and a tattoo. Don't buy a motorcycle, don't leave the country, and don't move. Wait at least 30 days before you make any big decisions. I like to think after a breakup you are legally “emotionally insane”. Even though hair grows back, your bad pho-hawk might bruise your already broken confidence.

Give up

I'll never find him. I'm not good enough. I'm ugly. Don't let these statements hit your mind. It's normal to be upset and to feel bad. But don't lose hope. Learn the difference from being upset for a few weeks and depression. Stay around people and embrace your singleness. Be excited that you are one step closer to finding your match.

What stupid thing have you done after a breakup?

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51 thoughts on “7 Things You Never Do After a Breakup

  1. charles says:

    I stole his clothes. Not because i wanted them, but because it was what he valued most. Not trust, friendship and love, but clothes and what those clothes portrayed to other people. He cried over his clothes, but showed no emotion over being a lying cheating spineless pratt. I was mad – he had disappointed me so much, broke my trust in human nature and I was soooo annoyed with his superficial nature. If i knew then what i know now i would have dropped him sooner or suggested counselling for his insecurities, but insted i stole his clothes.

  2. Kimberly says:

    Ohhhh, I wish I had seen this before my break-up!!!! Anyhoooo, I guess I could have been the poster child for this list because I pretty much did them all! The thing that stands out the most though is that forgiveness is truly the only way out, not so much for the other person’s sake but for your own healing!!! Forgiveness is not something your sore & broken heart wants to do, it definitely is an act of will. Once I forgave, I was relieved of #’s 1, 2, 3, & 5, then I was able to get #7 straightened out! Bottom line is you live…and learn. Thanks for the encouraging & positive list(s) Dale!

  3. wendy says:

    after 39 years of marriage I am broken and I am the one who left, it seems he was sucking the life out of me. I miss him don’t know why, he wont change and we
    tried to stay friends this isn’t working so I will heed the advise of going cold turkey my friends have told me to do this also it must be what needs to be done, I will now try this….

  4. Rebekah says:

    I remember my last breakup all too well. I deleted him from Facebook, but that wasn’t enough, I ended up blocking him. My friends really didn’t help at all, they invited my ex to every party and every time we would hit the town. They make it entirely too difficult to get over my ex when he was everywhere I went. He wanted to be friends after we broke up and I told him that we couldn’t. He didn’t understand why! My friends got upset with me when I didn’t acknowledge his presence.. He was my ex. I feel they need to take a look at this list.

  5. missshoes says:

    I moved. Made the decision 3.5 weeks later and moved 2 weeks after that. I didn’t like the state I was living in regardless of the ex. Him breaking up with me just gave me the excuse to move back to my home state. Couldn’t get out of there fast enough for me! (actually, the ex ending our relationship was the best thing for me. He wasn’t the right guy for me and it prompted a much closer relationship with my heavenly father)

  6. S says:

    I think that you give absolutely amazing advice and I really enjoy reading all of your articles. However, I hesitate to share them because there are constantly countless grammar mistakes. Please fix these, you have great things to say, it is a shame for the grammar mistakes to take away from that!

  7. Ashika says:

    Thanks for this advice, but i already did #6 which says ‘Don’t move’. hahaha I moved from my place to somewhere far in the city. Bad decision.

  8. anon yo! says:

    guilty of a fair few of these ! thing is he was my best friend before and i don’t want to loose him out of my life completely ! slowly becoming more sane but yes i must move on before this friendship can happen , acceptance is difficult especially when you would of quite happily spent the rest of your life with that person !

  9. debshree says:

    I am a patient of tuberculosis and evn though I’m on proper medication,he broke up with me after being together for four years…feeling so low

  10. iva says:

    i’m guilty of 2, 3, 5. Thank you for this article 🙂 its been almost two months already and this is still all new to me.

  11. A Loving Couple Shattered in l says:

    After the breakup, we both ruined our lives… he drank n drank n drank and I cried n was frustated, quit job, become hopeless. I still cant find a good reason to live, coz we admit we love each other but now he is so far.. n also fighting a battle with health issues – even I blame myself for all this misery to him. We dont deserve it… we were very successful, hardworking, happy couple – someone cursed us.. I just want to UNDO this…. i want god to come down and say HERE IS UR LIFE BACK TO U BOTH

    Dear Dale = can u pls pls pls tell me how to get a new life.. i want him back but its a bit too late… i cant fall for another coz of guilt as well. I cant stop lovin him. I dated a few guys but even on date, i packed a subway sandwich on the way back for him coz I knew he will be alone n unwell…. today I am here begging god for his survival… or asking god to give both of us freedom and a new life together again. 7 yrs of so called breakup and still i love him .. wats the use of such a life

  12. Mariana Kairav RL says:

    Well, I’ve had lots of haircuts after relationships problems or endings, and haven’t regretted it. For me changing my hair is like a statement, it helps me to move on. I agree with that about remaining “friends”, it doesn’t work, and never will, it’s only hurting each other, and pretending everything is ok.
    I find it hard to move on, even if I don’t see the guy again. I was talking to a friend about this today, I am too attached to people in my life. I think is like a paradigm, believing that I can’t leave some people out of my life. I’m working on changing that, ’cause I really need to travel lighter to achieve my dreams.
    Thank you for your articles, I just love your blog!!

  13. mary says:

    Am from UK I give thank to a great doctor who help me out of my illness I was very sick I thank god who use this man to help me, it started when i travel to Florida for visit there I meet a lady not knowing to me that she HIV positive I really like the lady because she was beautiful I always see her every moment I close my eye I went to tell her how I feel for her but I don’t know if she know that she HIV I went to bed with her I contacted the virus too when I get home for month my doctor come to check on me and he discover that I have HIV he was shock and tell me I was so confused and so surprised to hear that I was taking HIV drug to cure it for good a 2year I decided to look for cure them I meet this post on internet I contacted him for help… well DR.ODUMODU proving to be a great man and he heal me.. According to him he said is the power of his gods well I thank god am back again if you need cure for your HIV…you can still contact him or his email or number I promise he is 100% he cure any virus like T-VIRUS HIV AIOTA-VIRUS, SMALLPOX, HEPATITIS B if you have this virus or friend or relative contact him now (

  14. Natalie says:

    i have a miracle testimony to share with everyone, is the only lord who could ever get my HIV cured with his healing prophet saibaba who prayed for me, I have tried almost everything but I couldn’t find any solution on my disease, despite all these happening to me, I always spend a lot to buy a HIV drugs from hospital and taking some several medications but no relieve, until one day I was just browsing on the internet when I come across a great post of! jessy! who truly said that she was having a relationship problem with her husband which will lead to divorce and after the prophet prayed the marriage was settled, sometime I really wonder why people called him prophet saibaba I never knew it was all because of the great and perfect work that he has been doing that is causing all this. so I quickly contacted him, and he ask me some few questions and he said a thing I will never forget that anyone who contacted him is! always getting his or her healing in just believing and have faith after doing all he ask you, so I was amazed all the time I heard that from him, so I did all things only to see that i should do, all the strength that has left me before rush back and I becomes very strong and healthy, this disease almost kills my life all because of me, so I went to hospital to give the final test to the disease and the doctor said I am HIV negative, I am very amazed and happy about the healing from the lord through prophet saibaba gave to me, you can email him now for your own healing too at

  15. 3rdTimeLucky says:

    Here’s my story. If anyone has some advise, please share me your thoughts, I would really appreciate it.

    I met this amazing woman 10months ago at a party. She’s a lot younger than me but her maturity shined far brighter than most girls my age (30). We fell in love very soon, after about 2 weeks or so. After about a month and a half we both had long term aspirations for our relationship.

    After a couple of months she became very clingy with me and quite overly sad (almost depressed) at little things that happened (probably because she didn’t have much else than me in her life), but I tried to reassure her that she had a lot of great things in her life: beautiful family, she’s smart, beautiful, young, and she had a boyfriend that loves her very much. During a small argument one day I broke up with her and she was devastated, crying a lot and asking me “why?” and “is this for real?” constantly. After a couple days we got back together and it was great.

    Then she started to neglect the other important things in her life like uni, family, and friends, and the clingyness became more intense. She also had a fallout with her only good friend just after I met her and she didn’t bother looking for new friends. I tried to tell her I needed, not space, but a little time to sort out my stuff during the week as I have a lot more responsibilities than her at my age. I didn’t want a break or a breakup at all, just a bit more “me time”. The effect was the opposite to my intension. So after a month or so I broke it off again, in a very calm situation after making dinner for her and having a chat. She took it a lot better but was still very upset inside I could tell.

    She ended up repairing her friendship with said friend and strengthening her family relationships quickly this time – from what she told me and from what I saw on FB. So once again I had second thoughts. Also, as I did what I did for her benefit, it wasn’t as if I was just playing yoyo with her. But that’s not what she thought.

    So I deleted her from my FB, commenced no contact and wrote her a letter. After 2 weeks of NC I sent the letter. 2 days later I called her, she didn’t pick up. I called her again 30mins later and she hangs up on me. Then I get a message 5 days later saying that she doesn’t think it’s necessary for us to see each other or discuss anything. We sent a couple of messages to each other in subtle disagreement and her last message was this, “I’m not afraid of anything. I don’t want to see you, and we don’t need to talk about anything. It’s over. Please stop contacting me.”

    If I peruse this any further she will surely contact the police, even though I’m barely harassing her with 2 calls and 2sms (+ the short text conversation we had). I am devastated now, I love her so much and I have truly never met a more amazing woman in my life. We wanted to marry each other and have kids together. I know what a lot of people say about guys like me on the net – that I’m a game player and I don’t know what I want – but the truth is some people need the water to run dry before they miss it – that is why it’s a famous quote isn’t it? Coz we’re all human?; and how can a relationship thrive properly if one person is neglecting their future? She is very young and I didn’t want to spoil the life ahead of her. So much of what I have read on many relationship forums is man hating and saying that all guys that break up and want her back are liars and they don’t know what they want but the truth is that we are all different and some guys deserve a second or third chance.

    Is there any chance for us?

    • daniel says:

      Oh man, this looks like a copy of what i’ve recently been through. Only difference is I’m 26 and she’s 20. OK, it’s somewhat more different, because I just came up from a long term relationship (my fiance left me after 6 years for who i thought was my best buddy. it fucked me up.).

      I met this girl and we just clicked. Things moved pretty fast and soon reached that point where I needed some space to make some order in my life (after the breakup i relocated) and rethink my perspectives. I told her there’s nothing wrong with her, but I need to try and fix myself before I can invest myself fully in this new thing. She didn’t take it so well, she was really clingy, just like the girl you’ve written about.

      A few weeks into this new relationship, I got really depressed (I tend to have these sudden episodes where I remember about my fiance and it really messes me up) and decided the best thing to do is to visit my parents. That way I won’t get to be irritable around the girl, I’d keep away from alcohol and other destructive stuff. We went out for coffee the day before my departure. We had a really great time, she kept saying she’ll miss me and asked me to make sure I get better. The time with my parents helped a lot, nothing strange happened and it was only for a weekend.

      So I got back in town on Monday and every since it’s like shit hit the fan. We scheduled to see each a few times, but each time something came up (work for me, classes for her – she’s a med student) and didn’t get to meet. And that’s kinda it, things simply got cold and soon we started arguing for no particular reason. Every damn conversation ended up in a fight, to the point that I felt afraid to call her, in fear that we’ll end up fighting again. I really don’t know what happened, I really didn’t want for things to turn out this way and I really wish I could find a way to get her back. Get her back, because we broke up, obviously. She just refused to see me again and every time i asked her out she flatly rejected the invitation.

      So that’s kinda my story, somewhat similar to yours. I’m not sure there’s a chance for either of us, mate. And it sucks, I mean, I try to keep myself distracted, because trying to contact her ends up bad and only hurts my chances. And I assume it’s the same for you, from what I’ve read.

      I guess only time will tell. Shitty cliche, but I really don’t think there’s anything to do about it. Try to focus on yourself (that’s what I do and it kinda helps) and on other people (help them, that is)

  16. hope mary says:

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  17. lizzy benjamin says:

    Hello I am lizzy , am out here to spread this good news to the entire world on how I got my ex husband back.I was going crazy when my husband left me and my two kids for another woman last month, But when i met a friend that introduced me to DR Agbalagba the great messenger to the oracle of DR Agbalagba healing home,I narrated my problem to DR Agbalagba about how my ex Husband left me and my two kids and also how i needed to get a job in a very big company.He only said to me that i have come to the right place were i will be getting my heart desire without any side effect.He told me what i need to do,After it was been done,24 hours later,My Ex Husband called me on the phone and was saying sorry for living me and the kids before now and one week after my Husband called me to be pleading for forgiveness,I was called for interview in a very big company here in IRELAND were i needed to work as the managing director..I am so happy and overwhelmed that i have to tell this to the entire world to contact DR Agbalagba on his personal email address and get all your problem solve..No problem is too big for him to solve..Contact him direct on: and your problem will be solve….

  18. annie gustavo says:

    I used to be an object of mockery, i was call the different sorts of name by my mother-in-law and relations, i was referred as a man because i was unable to have a baby of my own. I attended all kind of miracle center, i cried day in day out until this memorable day that someone on the Internet referred me to PROPHETESS MASADE, at first was doing it for just while away time because i have already given up in having a baby of my own. She assured me that i will have my own baby, to my greatest surprise after a month i noticed some changes in my body and i went for check the Doctor confirm that am 3weeks pregnant. What a woman full of powers and am expecting my second child. If you have giving up in life to get pregnant contact her email address on

  19. cynthia334 says:

    thanks to everyone commenting and also to the organizers of this site because this has helped my marriage, I can’t believe my husband changed just as he promised, so i must testify too. I was having troubles in my marriage and i was almost giving up because my partner wouldn’t find anything good in me anymore and it looked like we were not meant to be because he hardly talk to me or even touches me . Out of frustration i came online to see if there’s anything i can do to help my situation and last week I saw a post on how a lady saved her marriage through the help of a great man and i decided to try him because i was going through hell as me and my husband were like neighbors under the same roof . i contacted him as the testifier gave away his email and the man said he could help me. i thought maybe it will take a long time but within 48 hours after he finished his work my husband came home apologizing for the way he hurt me something he would never do normally even if it was obvious he was wrong. seriously i have nothing more to say other than thank you great man. if your marriage is failing or its a mess and you want to save it please don’t give up this really works out here is the email i used to contact him i am sure he can help of a truth he really helps again his email his

  20. Jennifer Peterson says:

    A couple of weeks ago I was in a dark period in my life, the man I love had gone off with someone else, that was when I was told about this Dr Lababa. Well he told me he could see that we would get back together that gave me hope, and he was right, because this week we have moved in with each other and we are so happy. A big thank you Dr Lababa. If you are in need of an angel please get in touch with my Dr Lababa via email:

  21. Isabella Williams says:

    I want to say a special thanks to Dr ADUWAWA for helping,….I and my daughter get cured from HIV disease. God will continue to bless you more abundantly for the good work you are doing in the life of people. I will keep on writing and posting testimonies about you on the Internet,i was an HIV patient for many years, i saw a testimony on how Dr ADUWAWA cured people, i did not believe that he could cure me from HIV. I gave him a test by contacting him and i and my daughter was cured. Dr ADUWAWA, God will continue to bless you. kindly contact him today through his Email: ( Or Call +2348141195952. He is always able to help you get your heart desire granted… ……

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  24. Dorothy Kimberly Thi says:

    Hello everyone i just want to share a testimony on how Dr Alex of ( was able to bring my love partner back to me after 3months of divorcing me for another woman, my partner was very faithful and nice to me, not until he finally met with another woman who was enticing him with some fake love, and had enchantment on my partner, after some time we started having quarrels for little cases, and at the first time he threatened me that he was going to leave me for another woman, to me i never believed it not until it happened,after my partner ordered for a divorce note for me i became so curious and desperate to have him back at all cost, i tried all mean i could but all fell apart for me, but few time back i went in search on the internet on how to get Ex Back, it was there i saw many testimonies of how Dr Alex has helped people with relationship problem, immediately i message Dr Alex and i told him everything concerning my relationship he told me not to worry and gave me instructions on what he is to do to bring my partner back to me and all he wanted was for me to have faith in him, really i tried to believe him as he was my last hope, so after everything done by Dr Alex my partner returned to me begging me for mercies, i can just tell how it happened but i am so amaze by his work, friend out there if you need any help for your marriage or relationship you can kindly email Dr Alex on, ( or call him on +2347036013351.

  25. Onofe Auguster says:

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  26. LG says:

    I just did something stupid, I facebooked messaged his daughter. Just to say I though her new profile picture was beautiful and tell her I was sorry that her Dad and I were no longer together. She messaged me back and said “quit stalking peoples pages and you wouldn’t of thought about it” Her reply doesn’t really make and sense because I have blocked his whole family except for her. I haven’t messaged anyone else so not sure where that came from, but she is young and I hurt her father so she is lashing out. Oh well, my fault and maybe I was stalking a bit. Break ups suck at any age – I am 51.

  27. i am horis says:

    I remember lying in my room when I was in high school and writing in a journal to my future husband. I’d write all sorts of notes and questions and things I’d wonder or ask this man when I eventually met him. I would wonder where he was and what he was doing and if he was thinking about me too. It has always been such a strong desire in myc heart to find a wonderful man to marry, someone who would love me and cherish me and appreciate me for the person I am. I always thought I would get married right out of college, just like my parents, so when that plan didn’t work out, I started to get discouraged. A school mate snatched my future husband away from my arms just because she had spiritual powers, all hope was lost to me before i came across the help doctor ( who i confided in, i told him my long story and he helped me regain back my lover with his prayers which is now my husband today. if you have any problem email the help doctor (

  28. i am horis says:

    I remember lying in my room when I was in high school and writing in a journal to my future husband. I’d write all sorts of notes and questions and things I’d wonder or ask this man when I eventually met him. I would wonder where he was and what he was doing and if he was thinking about me too. It has always been such a strong desire in my heart to find a wonderful man to marry, someone who would love me and cherish me and appreciate me for the person I am. I always thought I would get married right out of college, just like my parents, so when thcat plan didn’t work out, I started to get discouraged. A school mate snatched my future husband away from my arms just because she had spiritual powers, all hope was lost to me before i came across the help doctor ( who i confided in, i told him my long story and he helped me regain back my lover with his prayers which is now my husband today. if you have any problem email the help doctor (

  29. Angelina Scott says:

    Hello to every one out here, am here to share the unexpected miracle that happened to me three days ago, My name is Richards Stone,i live in LONDON,UK. my gay lover left me for another guy since 2 months now, it pains me alot because i really love him and will die for him, i was having no hope on me again when he texted me on my cell phone that he is not taking the relationship with me anymore, so i have to contact Dr oyinbo to help me, and now am happy he just called me yesterday that he still love me and he is back to make things work out well, thanks again Dr oyinbo, am glad, email Dr oyinbo if you a gay lover and you want your man or lesbian lover back now on; {} Thanks for reading.,


  30. Lyd says:

    Hello I am erianna from usa ,I am out here to spread this good news to the entire world on how I got my ex lover back.I was going crazy when my love left me for another girl last month, But when i meet a friend that introduce me to Dr igbodo the great messenger to the oracle that he serve,I narrated my problem to Dr igbodo about how my ex lover left me cand also how i needed to get a job in a very big company.He only said to me that i have come to the right place were i will be getting my heart desire without any side effect.He told me what i need to do,After it was been done,In the next 2 days,My ex lover called me on the phone and was saying sorry for living me before now and also in the next one week after my ex lover called me to be pleading for forgiveness,I was called for interview in my desired company were i needed to work as the managing director..I am so happy and overwhelmed that i have to tell this to the entire world to contact Dr igbodo at the following email address and get all your problem solve..No problem is too big for him to solve..Contact him direct on:(… and get your problems solve.

  31. jovy says:

    Hi, im from the Philippines and had just broken up with my gf of 11 years because she cheated on me with her married boss. Stupid thing i did… When the wife contacted me to let me know how she felt about their closeness, i told her things i know i shouldnt have about what i know happened between her husband and my gf. My gf found out and now shes the one whose furious and hates me! I know i shouldnt have done it. Now im more miserable.

  32. Tarun says:

    I want to confess something…. I was dating a divorcee for a year… Her family and she herself pushed me to get married asap coz age was the factor.. my parents were against it….. I fought with them for 3 months to meet her and finally they agreed to give a thought… After that my ex got cold feet and cited no reasons… She said she wants to be with me but does not want to get married.. i said ill give you time and I understand you… After few days she told me she needs time for herself since she has been into lot of relationships and wants to take some time off and needs space.. i gave her space to which she used to message me in every two days …. i asked her to stop that because it affects me as well… After some time i asked her to meet me to official close this coz i came to know about her past and her trends and was very hurt for it.. She refused and said i need time for myself and i am not doing anything…Please give me time .. She kept on calling me in 10-15 days and I refused to pick up the calls coz I was feeling tortured for this… I was her friend and was in deep love with her since marriage was on cards so I told her that Ill wait for u for some time and them i will move on… I told her to give me final closure and asked her if she is involved with somebody to which she said no and questioned me being possessive… Nobody contacted each other for a month and den i messaged her to meet me for dinner to which she refused.. i did not call her nor did i messaged her after dat … She called me after 10 days but I did not pick up coz I was angry and wanted to get over her… (She had done exactly similar stuffs with past 4 boyfriends and I know she is a commitment phobic)… I was coping up on my anger and was trying to move on until one day i saw her kissing the same person from my office which i had asked about… I got shocked and couldn’t get that sight over me.. I got drunk broke side mirrors of her car and wrote something abusive on the same… Everybody know this and I am feeling guilty for the same. But I am angry on her that she moved on in like 15 days.

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