Depression drains our energy and gathers momentum with repetitive thoughts, indecisiveness, and a gloomy outlook. The symptoms of depression are well known: too much or too little sleep, weight loss or gain, lack of motivation, fatigue, and little or no sex drive. With depression, the lack of energy often makes it difficult to shake it off and make effective changes. But some people have found a way to beat it. What’s their secret?
The real problem with the depression trap isn’t about getting out—it’s staying out. People take medicine—and then stop. They exercise for a while—then give it up. They go to therapy—then take a break. People try many things to feel better and then slide back into the trap. If this has happened to you, you’re not alone.
It is estimated 80% of people with a depression relapse — those who don't have learned to handle their repetitive negative thoughts.
Research has shown that there are some direct ways to challenge these thought patterns and turn despair around. The 20% who don’t fall back into it have learned to master shutting down or turning around their negative thoughts. Your thoughts are like the front wheels of a car. If they are turned to the left, that’s the direction it goes. Those kept out of the depression trap have grabbed hold of the steering wheel and pointed it in the other direction.
Sometimes these thought patterns are automatic and happening just under the radar, and sometimes they are more noticeable and intrusive. If they are automatic negative thoughts (sometimes called ANTs), then you want to catch yourself thinking. If they are more invasive, you’ll want to question them right away. By noticing thought patterns, you become more aware that the repetition is generated internally rather than by an event on the outside.
These thoughts typically fall into categories that cause you to blame yourself systematically or others, see everything as negative or catastrophic, jump to conclusions without enough evidence, or believe you know what others are thinking about you. The key to catching yourself thinking is to notice the repetition. A one-off negative thought isn't much of a concern—but a hundred of them are. Once you are aware, you have a repetitive negative view the goal is always the same: Challenge it as soon as you can.
In noticing repetitive thoughts, you've accomplished the first step in self-regulation and true change. You’ve grabbed hold of the wheel. If you can observe the repetitive pattern, it means the thoughts are something you experience—not who you are. This is important because getting some distance from these thoughts is essential. It gives them less power over you and sets the stage for challenging them. Once you've grabbed the wheel, you have the power to turn it in the direction you want to go.
Let’s say you often catch yourself thinking: “I’m not good enough.” Once you notice this is a pattern, ask yourself a question: “Am I really not good enough?” This does several things. At the very least, it slows down your thoughts by testing them, and, more importantly, it opens the door to the third step—to provide evidence to the contrary.
You doubt the negative thoughts may not be entirely accurate. “Am I really not good enough?” might initiate thoughts about real examples that show competence, perseverance, and your willingness to learn. This kind of evidence challenge lets you soften these repetitive thoughts. “I’m not good enough,” becomes: “I’m not good enough—yet.” The old repetitive thought leads back to a depression. The new thought leads to hope. In a nutshell…
3 Steps to Help Avoid Depression
- Catch yourself thinking.
- Question these thoughts.
- Provide evidence to the contrary.
Don’t expect all of your negative thinking and depression to evaporate overnight. But…
You’ll make progress if you regularly challenge your repetitive thoughts.
Most of all don't get discouraged by telling yourself you don't have the skill. Instead, just remind yourself that you haven’t mastered the technique—yet.
- Basic Needs to Take Care of When Dealing with Depression
- How to Deal with Unwanted Thoughts
- The Power of EFT (Tapping) to Release Emotions
Dr. Dan Tomasulo is a core faculty member for the Spirituality Mind Body Institute (SMBI), Teachers College, Columbia University. Honored by Sharecare as one of the top ten online influencers on the issue of depression he authors the daily column, Ask the Therapist, for PsychCentral.com, and developed the Dare to be Happy experiential workshops for Kripalu. His next book, Learned Hopefulness, will be published in 2020. For more information please visit his website below.