How To Love Yourself

Love is a gift we give away and forget to save any for ourselves.

Sometimes we save the leftovers, but they are never as good and the portions are small.

Why do we have such a hard time loving ourselves?

Most of us don't see ourselves as worthy of love. Or maybe we don't make enough time to love ourselves! Think about it…there are only so many hours in a day. The idea of taking the time to understand and meet our personal needs just doesn't seem like a high priority compared to the rest of life's demands.

When we are younger, loving ourselves is easy. We haven't yet been damaged by the world and can clearly see our inner potentials. But then the world does a great job telling us everything we lack, holds us up next to perfection, and we realize we will never quite measure up.

It's important not to let the world dictate what we deserve. It's dark, twisted, and can't be trusted. That's why we bring love to the world; not the other way around.

Start spreading more love by loving yourself in bigger quantities! Here are four ways to get started:

1. Invest in self-discovery.

There is freedom found when you become mindful of who you were created to be. Knowing your strengths and learning the “why” behind your weaknesses are powerful! To help you become more self-aware, take some self-assessments like the MBTI or Enneagram. Hire a life coach to walk you through a journey of discovery. Read books that break down different personality types and learn how to peel back the layers to find out how and why you see the world the way you do. You'll find that you receive much more love and grace simply because you understand yourself better.

2. Define your worth.

When you rely on others to define your value and worth, you will be left utterly disappointed. It's hard to love yourself when you are looking outward for approval. You only need validation from your Creator who thinks the WORLD of you! God says you are: chosen, known, redeemed, accepted, a new creation, and complete in Christ. You lacknothing and should give yourself the love you deserve.

3. Show up for yourself.

Listen to your needs. There are cues your body gives you to express its needs. You feel hungry and thirsty when you need to eat and drink. You feel tired when you need to rest and overwhelmed when you need a break. However, people often neglect those cues and carry on with their responsibilities. But a part of loving yourself is responding to those signals and meeting your needs. Making this change may not come naturally at first, but no one else will take care of your needs. Make intentional steps toward a healthier you just by showing up and responding to your inner cues!

4. Give yourself grace.

Mistakes can often hold you back from forgiving yourself. You sit and dwell on your past and come up with a million reasons why you don't deserve love. But try giving yourself grace. You spend all day loving imperfect beings, why should it be any different when it comes to yourself?

Tell us in the comments: what is keeping you from loving yourself? Then, push those excuses aside and choose self-love!

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9 Responses

  1. I have regrets from bad decisions I made in the past and it’s hard to stop keeping the past from popping up. But I ask God to help me become a better person everyday.

  2. I guess I feel like I don’t deserve love b/c I can’t find my purpose. I was unfairly treated in my teaching position 3 yrs ago and lost my job after teaching for 24 yrs. I had to have 2back surgeries and rods and a plate were installed. I keep hitting walls on my journey and my memories of all my mistakes I made keep reminding me telling me I’m not worthy! I can’t find a job and I’m running out of money! I am grateful that I was granted a disability check every month but it’s not enough and Im feeling very lost and alone!

  3. I stop loving myself because I feel damaged or broken most of the time. I do seek external validation. When I don’t get it, I feel as though something is wrong with me. So many people say how great/wonderful of a person I am, but somehow I still seem to not “be enough” for the the people I want to see me as that. Maybe I don’t actually see myself as “enough” and just having friends and family tell me I am isn’t cutting it anymore….

  4. I give too much because I believe I have so much love in my heart but why at the end Iโ€™m the one hurting. Do I really love myself?

    1. I hear you Leny, and sometimes we realize that love means caring for ourselves first, or sometimes love means saying or doing nothing, or sometimes loves means having boundaries, or sometimes love means stepping back, walking away. Love is not always giving or overgiving. We have to tune within about what would be “highest good for all” in any given situation. It feels great to give a lot, but it’s not always best for ourselves or others involved, and can lead us to end up feeling depleted or hurting in some way. I send much love to you. Bernadette ๐Ÿ™‚

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